Morals and Manners in Islam. Marwan Ibrahim Al-Kaysi
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Characteristics: Comprehensiveness and Morality
Islam determines every aspect of the life of a Muslim. This essential fact is very difficult for non-Muslims to grasp. For the believer, Islam gives the criteria for judging all of his behaviour and conduct; it determines his relationship with other individuals, with society as a whole, with the physical world, and it determines also his relationship to his own self. Many examples can be given of what in secular communities is the preserve of arbitrary individual will or the equally arbitrary demands of the social milieu. Food, for example, may be prepared only from what is allowed by Islam; a Muslim can make no use of, for example, pork. A Muslim woman may not uncover her feet in public because in Islam it is not permitted. Goods forbidden to a Muslim, such as wine, may not be exchanged as gifts. If a Muslim is invited to a wedding feast, he should (if physically possible) accept the invitation because it is obligatory to do so. Death-bed wishes may not be fulfilled if they contradict the teachings of Islam, such as a request to allocate an extra share of inheritance to one of the dead person’s heirs, or to have his body cremated.
Ādāb al-Islām are a comprehensive code covering almost every aspect of social behaviour, a part of the complete way of life which is Islam. As the different parts of Islam make up an integral unity, the application of ādāb al-Islām in detachment from the rest will not bring about total realization of Islam, indeed it may, in certain respects, become meaningless. The customs and manners discussed in this book are considered suitable for Muslims: those who have a proper religious attitude will instinctively seek to observe the good manners commended or required by Islam.
The various aspects of Islam, ideological, spiritual, legal, social, economic, political, etc., are mutually consistent and supplement each other. For example, faith is essential as it instils in Muslims the spirit of observing the ethical, moral, legal and other prescriptions without external compulsion, Equally, voluntary observance of those prescriptions supports and enhances faith, opening up the path from devotion to social action, linking the two in a strong, stable bond. More specifically the unitary strength of Islam may be seen in, for instance, the manners concerning women, which follow from and sustain the Islamic concept of Muslim womanhood in an Islamic community.
The breadth of ādāb al-Islām contrasts sharply with the limitations of ‘etiquette’.4 The manners of Islam are not merely rules of courtesy for various occasions, but cover the whole range of human relations from the simplest actions to the most elaborate of social occasions. The true purpose of Western ‘etiquette’ (even after it had been extended beyond royal circles to ordinary people) ‘seems to have been the protection of the upper class’.5 By contrast, the true purpose of ādāb al-Islām lies in their religious character and nature, They derive from and sustain man’s need to remember God in his daily routine; they are designed to keep up his remembrance of God and to help him act rightly and correctly. This is conspicuous in the invocations of God that accompany most everyday incidents of behaviour in Islam. A Muslim should start and end his day, when waking up and when going to sleep, by mentioning God. He should thank and praise God when taking food and drink, when buying new clothes or other articles of use. Mentioning God is recommended even when relieving oneself. It is recommended to say, when entering the lavatory: ‘In the name of Allah. Allah, in You I take refuge from demons’, and on leaving the lavatory, ask for His forgiveness. Remembering God and asking Him for perfection and guidance are of special importance when travelling. It may be noted here that the major festivals in Islam are in fact collective celebrations of the successful completion of two principal religious obligations, namely, fasting in the month of Ramaḍān and ḥajj (pilgrimage to Makkah).
One of the chief foundations of ādāb al-Islām is morality, the cornerstone of a nation’s self-confidence and strength, as surely as corruption and immorality are one of the main causes of a nation’s decline and disintegration. The insistence on morality often gives to the Islamic way of life an appearance of rigidity or puritanism; as one writer has noted: ‘. ..in regard to certain aspects of morality, Islam is more rigid and more puritan than certain other systems of life in our times.’6 But given the importance of morality to the health of a nation, normative Islam is surely right to block all ways leading to corruption, such as illicit sex and luxurious living. Material comforts should not be at the expense of human virtues, individual and collective; politics also (considered, in non-Islamic thought, as immoral or even amoral) must conform to the goals of Islam, the development of human character, the humanity of man.
The ideal of the humanity of man is grounded in the concept of al-‘amāl al-Ṣāliḥ or virtuous deeds. The term extends beyond what is normally understood as the ‘religious’ domain and covers a wide range of human activities (in relation to others, to the animate and inanimate environment) sanctioned within Islamic faith and law. The Prophet’s life provides many concrete instances: to act justly between two people, to help a man onto his mount, to help load his belongings, to speak good words, to remove nuisances from paths or roads, to give food and water to stray dogs and cats, to be forward in greeting others, to visit relatives, etc.; even the act of making love within marriage is valued as a good deed. The most inclusive characteristics of the ideal Muslim personality are humility, modesty and simplicity or naturalness (lack of affectation). Pride and arrogance in any aspect of conduct are not accepted, as no individual is superior to another except in his degree of faith and contribution of good deeds.
Thus, clothes that show haughtiness, that flaunt social status, are forbidden. Manners in eating should demonstrate humility before the occasion as well as respect for the meal: leaning on a cushion while eating is forbidden. Sitting on the floor when eating is a sign of humility, and therefore recommended. Furnishings should show modesty and restraint; for example, the bed should not be set too high above the ground. Gait in walking, manner of address in greeting and in speech generally, should avoid any taint of arrogance.
Islam requires and demands moderation and naturalness in all aspects of life, worldly and religious. Extremism, exaggeration, eccentricity and affectation, caprice and complicatedness are rejected. The insistence on a certain informality in ādāb al-Islām is intended to ease their use by the vast majority of the members of the Muslim society. Naturalness of manners is valued as a means of relieving social tension, of enabling and strengthening social relations.
Western ‘etiquette’ originated in the Royal courts of Europe, and was invented to meet ‘the requirement of behaviour in courts and among aristocrats everywhere’.7 The meaning of etiquette was weakened when it spread to all classes. To this day Western etiquette varies from group to group. Members of so-called ‘high society’ observe more complicated and rigid forms of etiquette than the less well-to-do. This comes out of and helps sustain the class system.
Ādāb al-Islām, however, are different. They are not designed to divide society according to social classes. The rules, revealed through the Qur’ān and the Sunnah, were not formulated by certain groups, i.e. the rich and powerful in order to subdue or distance other groups. Islam attaches great importance to the adherence of the whole of Muslim society to its ādāb. It does