walking and keep searching,
and how dare you
take your infatuated God with you
when I am the one,
21I am the one who needs Him,
and needs you, stupid prophet!
and needs help
and please rescue
my integrity
which is the
only integrity
left, in this
22biting on my lip
and marking my neck,
23in the corner of my eye I see a child enter the tent
and glance over at me and my destroyer,
and he sees the child too,
shoos the child away
and tears my dress.
24Curse you, Jeremiah!
You have betrayed me!
~wrote Anatiya.
25Blessed child peeks into the tent again.
The man stabs under my skirts with the branch,
26a tree branch!
Of all things!
There is an insane laughter in my gut.
27Good-bye God! Go on and trail Your chosen like a pup,
leaving us alone to fend off Heaven’s cruelest ironies.
28A light, willowy sneeze from the tent flap,
young voyeur,
awash in afternoon light
chewing on a scythe of carob.
A glance to the side,
29is the child his son?
I turn and grasp a rock
and pound it once against his ear.
30His son pulls back and I roll out from under.
The man twists over with a thunder in his brain
and I run.
31I see my legs running and remember
the long arms of the stillbirth.
Strange connections.
32I know the man is not following me
but I am no longer running from him.
I am running from you,
33you who have proven to be mere wind.
You who care not
if a leopard lies in wait.
33Good-bye Jeremiah!
Cling to your God.
I shall surely forget you from afar
~wrote Anatiya.
34I have an enduring spirit,
perhaps even an ancient spirit.
35I run until my body is hollow.
A sheath of rock is before me
and vines with bitter berries creep up.
36I nestle in the back of a yawning cave
and blackout sleep overtakes me.
A nightmare surfaces out of the black,
a vision out of the tar . . .
37I am a fortified city.
My citizens peaceful but watchful inside.
38One night, the trees pull up their roots
and gather from the surrounding hills as an army.
They batter me down with clubs.
39I scratch forty days ~ wrote Anatiya ~ into the wall of the cave. There will be no end to this solitude. 40I eat berries and mushrooms and drink grassy tea. I think of Hannah’s lips, moving while no voice is heard. 41Eli assumed she was drunk and exiled her from the holy place. 42But I know that Hannah could herself hear her voice. I talk to myself here in this cave, and my voice resonates off the walls and rings in my ears.
43The stories I tell in this cave are a violin song.
There is a wind chime in this cave; it is my laugh.
44My song is a chorus of birds.
My faintest sigh is the coo of a dove.
45But to Eli, I am mute.
To Jeremiah, I was never born.
They have ears but cannot hear!
~wrote Anatiya.
46And You?
You Who set the sand as a boundary to the sea?
47You by Whose wisdom the hawk
spreads his wings to the south?
48You Who know the hosts of Heaven
and call every star by name?
Do you hear me?
49Forgive me, Lord Most High!
Forgive my headstrong challenge!
50I know, now, the truth about Cain and Abel.
Don’t You see?
51I love Jeremiah the way Cain loved You!
52Cain loved You and Abel kept seducing You
with gifts and plenty, and I
do love Jeremiah, and You keep seducing him
with exquisite words and daring missions,
53while all I have is this unruly vineyard
teeming
