to be effective communicators we need to know ourselves and be aware of how our communication impacts on others. In understanding ourselves we are more able to adapt our behaviour and change the effect that we have on others. The much-quoted Socrates said “My friend, care for your psyche, know thyself, for once we know ourselves, we may learn how to care for ourselves”; this chapter encourages you to spend some time thinking about and ‘caring’ about yourself so that you can become better at thinking about and caring for others.
INTRAPERSONAL COMMUNICATION
The way we communicate with others is known as interpersonal communication and we will look at that process in Chapter 3, but first we will look at this notion of intrapersonal communication. Intrapersonal communication is the communication that we have with ourselves, the self-talk that we engage in on an hour-by-hour basis. As we experience those inner thoughts we also experience feelings which in turn affect how we behave when communicating or making contact with someone else. We have all been in the situation where someone says something to us and it sparks a thought which stops us from listening to the other person because the voice inside our head seems to be talking more loudly.
All of our communication is influenced by how we feel at the time and how we perceive ourselves to be. Intrapersonal communication is a cognitive function in that it relates to our thoughts, but it also plays a significant part in our emotions and how we understand the world to be and our place in it. As humans we self-regulate our behaviour, and the way in which we self-regulate and respond to our innermost feelings and thoughts has an impact on how we present ourselves to the world. Whatever we see, hear, smell or feel as part of that communication is:
• evaluated by our brains based on past knowledge and experience
• reviewed by our senses
• and then evaluated again.
This inner process often continues even after the ‘physical communication’ has ended. An example of this is when we replay a conversation time and time again in our heads, imagining the different responses that we, and the other people involved, could have made. We often imagine not just what might have been said, but the looks that might have been exchanged, the gestures that we might make, even the emotions we or the other person might feel. The outcome in our head may be completely different from the outcome that was achieved. We have the potential to change the meaning of a comment or interaction completely because we have convinced ourselves of a meaning that makes sense to us and fits with our view of ourselves and others. As professionals we have a responsibility to recognise and understand our intrapersonal communication so that we can better reflect on our interpersonal communication. We do this by becoming more self-aware and knowing our strengths and limitations.
SELF-AWARENESS
To be self-aware is to be able to recognise our character traits, our feelings and thoughts and to have insight into how our behaviour is affected by them. Individuals are ultimately responsible for their own input, and developing the skills of self-awareness is the first step to the development of good communication and interpersonal skills. We need to know and understand our own self and to be able to view ourselves from other people’s perspectives. We need to be willing to recognise those parts of ourselves that are more or less helpful in our professional roles and be able to change those aspects which get in the way of good communication. There are two important aspects of self-awareness which will be focused on separately; these are awareness of external influences on our sense of self and awareness of internal influences on our sense of self.
DEVELOPING AWARENESS OF HOW EXTERNAL FACTORS IMPACT ON THE SELF
Often workers in health and social care settings will feel completely exhausted, physically and emotionally and often both. We need to be able to recognise times when we find it hard to communicate effectively because we are feeling physically or emotionally overloaded and unable to give the space and time to someone in our care because we are too full of our own concerns. Physical exhaustion is easier to identify – we usually know when we are tired and hungry, but sometimes it is only when our mood changes and we become less patient and more careless that we realise that our physical needs are being neglected. Unfortunately those around us will have been affected by our short temper or lack of concentration and the quality of our interactions with them will have suffered. It is important for us to be able to pick up on the signs of hunger and tiredness and make sure that we eat regularly and take rest when we can.
If we have behaved in an insensitive or careless way to those we are caring for or working with, we need to have the awareness to recognise it and take steps to repair the relationship. It is not difficult to approach someone and say “I’m sorry I was so short with you this afternoon, I was tired and hungry and I wasn’t focusing on your needs.” Sometimes a slight rupture in a relationship and the repairing of it can strengthen it; when we know that someone is real and genuine and able to recognise when they have made a mistake, we can feel more trusting of them than if they were perfect all the time.
When the exhaustion is emotional it can be more difficult to recognise. The very nature of the work in health and social care settings is emotionally draining. The people we are caring for need our help, understanding and compassion and sometimes, when we spend all day, every day giving this, we find we might become overwhelmed by the emotional and physical needs of others. We might find that we are unable to listen effectively or compassionately; we get irritated and annoyed easily; we find ourselves crying or shouting at inappropriate times. Health and social care professionals are often surrounded by a supportive and empathic team who are alert to each other’s needs, but in busy environments, unless we recognise we are struggling and ask for help directly, our needs sometimes go unnoticed.
In order to minimise the potential for poor communication because of emotional overload, we need to become better at noticing how we are feeling. If we are more aware of what is going on for us emotionally, we are more able to notice when our interactions with others are being affected. Here are some ways in which you can become more aware:
• Take time at the beginning of the day and whenever you have a break to sit and ‘check in’ with yourself. Breathe deeply and focus on which parts of your body feel tension. Take notice of it and if you know it relates to particular issues which can’t be resolved immediately, try to put it somewhere safe (in your mind) to be dealt with later. Very useful techniques for focusing ourselves come from ‘mindfulness’ and ‘mindful practice’. With its roots in Buddhist meditation, mindfulness has entered the mainstream in many diverse settings through the work of Jon Kabat-Zinn (2004). Mindfulness helps us to deal with emotional overload by becoming more aware of our thoughts and feelings so that instead of becoming overwhelmed by them, we’re better able to manage them.
• Talk to someone about your concerns. You should have a colleague, mentor or supervisor with whom you can discuss what you are feeling and the difficulties that you are facing. As we will see in Chapter 5, having someone listen to you and focus on you and your concerns can help even if there are no solutions.
• Keep a journal, particularly when you are training, in which you write about your day, the stresses and fun or interesting times. Reflect on how certain situations made you feel and think and reflect on why you might have responded the way you did and how you might respond differently next time. Reflective practice, focused on later in this chapter, is an excellent way to grow in self-awareness.
| REFLECTION 2.1 |
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Imagine this scenario. A worker in a residential care home is half way through her third night shift in a row. She is
