disguised as compassion.
If the suffering is caused by addiction, the immediate fear may be losing our loved one to the disease. With codependency as our driving force to help alleviate the suffering of another, we can quickly cross the invisible line of trying to save the person and doing anything and everything to change their circumstance. We fall into the trap of thinking that we can control the outcome, becoming convinced that somehow, some way, we can manipulate the outcome and save someone from their own destructive behavior. We do everything we can to buffer the pain of everyone involved, but what we are really doing is saving the person from facing the consequences of his or her addiction.
We may get mad and disgusted at times, but we still continue to give more money or excuses. These actions give the message to others that if they keep using, we will always be there to support them, even if it kills us. In the end, our attempts to “help” or “save” them are really our desire to control a situation that we have no control over. Wish them well, then let go. You can’t fix them.
When we are confronted with the suffering of others, it can act as a kind of catalyst to our own spiritual practice. When this happens, it can be the turning point where codependency starts leaning toward true compassion.
Following the admission that we can’t always manipulate a favorable outcome, we come face-to-face with our despair and hopelessness. This awareness can also be a turning point and bring about the birth of compassion toward our suffering and that of others. Through the spiritual practice of a daily meditation, our codependency is transformed into compassion. Our heart opens wide and our love for others and for ourselves becomes unconditional.
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