Seth asserted, smiling lazily. I threw a rock at him.
“Seriously, Katie. What’s on your mind, dear one?” Sebastian asked earnestly.
I sighed, and rubbed my face. Speaking shyly through my fingers, I replied, “A boy.”
“Yes! Our girl is going to get some!” Sera high fived Sebastian.
I glared at her. “I thought you’d be the sensible one.” I accused. She laughed at me and said,
“Tell us all about him. This is exciting! Are you dating? Just fucking? Or are you crushing and need our help?”
I looked at her in horror. “I do NOT need your help!”
She looked a bit offended. “What’s wrong with my help?!”
I shook my finger at her. “So far, all of your advice to me has had something to do with disembowelling people.” Lucifer snorted, and she looked at him a little guiltily.
“Tell us about him.” Sebastian commanded playfully.
“His name is Jonathon.” I spoke resignedly. “I told you about him, Seth. He’s that guy that Carmen scared off.”
Seth snorted. “He’s not good enough for you, if he’s that easily scared. And judgy.”
“Aw, he’s ok.” I defended him. “We’ve been talking again, and he asked me to a party next weekend.”
Seth tilted his head at me, his cobalt eyes serious. “Do you really like him?”
I nodded, embarrassed. He smiled gently at me.
“That’s easy, then!” Sebastian cried. “Go to the party, feed him a few drinks, sneak him off somewhere secluded… He’ll be all yours!”
I avoided eye contact, and took a big drink.
“I’m talking sex, by the way.” Sebastian added. I choked on my drink. Everyone except Lucifer looked at me quizzically, confused. Lucifer smirked to himself and sipped his drink.
“Do you think he won’t want to?” Sera asked. “We’ve seen you in bathers. He’ll want to.” I think she was trying to reassure me.
“Holy shit you guys are creeps!” I wailed. “I… I don’t think I’m ready for that.” I admitted, fervently wishing that I could teleport away from this awkward conversation, wishing I’d kept my mouth shut.
The three siblings blinked in confusion. Lucifer’s smirk was now a full blown grin that he was struggling to hide.
“What’s to be ready for?” Sebastian sounded confused. Realisation dawned on his face. “Woah, no way!” He cried. I refused to meet his eyes, blushing hard. “Holy shit, Katie, are you a virgin ?”
I switched to wishing the ground would swallow me whole, and nodded yes. My friends all made disbelieving noises, except Lucifer, who looked at me with sympathy. And a smirk. I refused to meet anyone’s eyes.
“Why?” Seth asked incredulously.
I glared at him. “The fuck you mean, why?!”
“No, seriously, I don’t understand.” He tried to sound reasonable. I realised they weren’t going to drop this topic anytime soon.
“I dunno. Lack of opportunity, I guess.” I mumbled, profoundly embarrassed.
Seth snorted. “I am RIGHT here, Katie.” With a grin. I threw another rock at him. “Oh, hang on!” He exclaimed. “Is it the slut thing?”
“What slut thing?” Sera asked.
“Apparently humans don’t like when people fuck lots of other people.” Seth said, as if he was an expert on the topic. I switched from wishing the ground would swallow me, to wishing I would drop dead. But then I realised these fuckers would probably continue the conversation in Hell. I switched back to wishing I could teleport.
“Well that makes no sense.” Sebastian declared. “Practice makes perfect!”
“No, it’s not the slut thing. I don’t give a shit about that. It’s just that… well… you all know you’re my only friends. Like I said, lack of opportunity. It’s only since Seth possessed Carmen that anyone at school will even talk to me, let alone…” I trailed off.
Sebastian tilted his head quizzically at me. “You know you don’t have to talk to fuck, right?”
“Oh. My. God.” How could they be so insightful about some things, and so clueless about this?!
Lucifer chuckled. “He won’t help you.” His tone was amused.
Sera spoke up, as if she’d just discovered that water was wet. “She’s worried, because she doesn’t know how!” She exclaimed. I hid my face in my hands.
“Really?” Sebastian asked me. I pretended he didn’t exist. Maybe if I ignored them long enough, they’d leave me alone. “Oh, that’s easy fixed. I can show you how.” He didn’t even sound sleazy, as if he were offering to show me how to tie a knot.
“I’m a better lay than you, I can show her.” Seth sounded a little sleazy.
“Pfft. As if.” Sebastian replied. “Quality, not quantity, brother.”
“You literally said just before that practice makes perfect, brother dear.” Seth retorted. They sounded like they were arguing about who could bake a better cake or something. I didn’t think I could get more embarrassed, until Sera spoke up.
“I’ll do it. I’m better than both of you put together.”
I looked to Lucifer, hoping for a voice of reason, I guess. He smiled indulgently at me, and asked loudly, over the sound of my friends bickering, “Would you like me to take you home, dear one?”
“YES!” I scrambled to my feet.
Sera laughed delightedly. “She’s been holding out for the King! Our Lord and our girl are going to get some!”
“Yes!” Sebastian and Seth both yelled.
“Nooooo!” I yelled back. But they ignored me, and the three of them started chanting.
“Katie and Lucifer, sitting in a tree, F-U-C-K-I-N-G!!”
Lucifer laughed at them. “Well, that would be remarkably awkward.” They continued to chant. I glared at them, and grabbed his hand.
“Take me home.” I demanded.
He smiled, and whispered to me, “Watch this first.” And with a wave of his hand, he flung my three friends into the middle of the river. He took my outstretched hand, and we were in my room. I could hear mum gently snoring from her room.
“Thanks.” I whispered nervously.
“That’s ok.” He whispered back, then tilted his head. “Have fun
