at the same time. He never went on the attack unless he was sure of the outcome, and the least opposition was enough to deter him. But if he got the better of his opponent, he would take it out on him mercilessly.
When Rikabi finished work, late in the night, he would put together a generous tray of food and send it to Bahr the barman, who would return the compliment by sending him a quarter bottle of leftover whiskey. Rikabi would wrap the bottle carefully in layers of newspaper, and with the package under his arm, he’d tell his assistants, “Good night. I’m off to ride the ferry now.”
The ferry was, in fact, his wife. Rikabi was in the habit of regaling his friends and colleagues with the intimacies of his married life, giving them all the details of the frequency of his copulation and the sexual positions he favored but never once mentioning his wife by name— this he omitted out of respect for her, only referring to her instead as the ferry or the old lady or sometimes the missus.
Rikabi was equally frank with those around the table about his adamant refusal to increase Alku’s bonus.
Maître Shakir plucked up his courage and asked in his usual unctuous manner, “How can Alku expect us to pay him more? It’s very odd.”
Maître Shakir was a man of sixty-two, a paragon of slippery ways and backstabbing, a master of deceit who specialized in fleecing the customers. He had made an art out of exaggerated shows of respect and reverence, which wore the customers down and ended with them tipping him lavishly. A customer had only to appear in the distance for Shakir to scurry over, bowing and uttering his praise and welcome, inquiring as to his health and the well-being of his children, whose names he knew. Shakir could always convince a customer of his importance at the Club, especially if the customer had come with a lady, in which case, after a lengthy welcome speech, Shakir would bow to the lady and say as if in confidence, “You know, Madame, it’s my job to look after everyone here at the Club. However, as God is my witness, His Excellency the Bey is the Club’s favorite member and one of our most respected guests.”
How could a member then fail to give him a large tip! It was barefaced flattery but it had magical effects. Shakir was in fact so popular that before reserving a table for dinner, members would often first make sure he was to be on duty, as his presence alone guaranteed good service. Maître Shakir’s comrade-in-arms was Rikabi the chef. Neither could do without the other. They got together at least once a day to consult and exchange thoughts. They understood each other and worked in such harmony that they were like two men rowing the same boat or playing musical instruments in unison. There was honor between them: they shared with each other the kickbacks they received from the grocers, the butchers and the poulterers from whom they ordered provisions for the Club. They had a very refined system for manipulating the bills from the restaurant. Sometimes, when circumstances allowed it, and with special permission from Morqos the accountant, they would run the restaurant for an hour or two for their own benefit, reaping rich rewards. There was in fact nothing that Rikabi or Shakir would stop at in order to make money. They were supremely inventive crooks. If there were specific ingredients piling up in the kitchen, they would pass them on to the customers in “operation fridge empty.” Maître Shakir would announce that there was going to be an open buffet for Club members, and Rikabi would then use all his wiles to present the old food as if it were a special offering. If there was an ingredient that was on the turn, such as shrimps, Rikabi would peel them, dip them in breadcrumbs, fry them and inform Maître Shakir, who would nod his head in agreement and wait for a customer to ask him: “Shakir, what do you recommend this evening?”
The question was academic, but it afforded the customer the pretense of fine dining. A person who asked a question like this wanted only to confirm to himself and to those around him that he was an important personage and that Shakir was so devoted to him that he would indeed recommend only the finest and steer him away from the ordinary. Maître Shakir would bow his head to this sort of customer and whisper in the most tantalizing tones of conspiracy, “Your Excellency, the crevettes panées are excellent, but I’m not sure if chef has any left.”
At this, the customer would feign dismay and press him, “Are you sure there are none?”
“Ah, I’m certain that the chef must have saved a plate or two for you, Your Excellency!”
An expression of gratitude would appear on the customer’s face, and he would feel so special that he would order the shrimps. The order would be brought by the waiters, but served by Maître Shakir himself, who would whisper, “Bon appétit, Your Excellency. May God forgive me, but I had to lie to the other diners and tell them we were out of the crevettes so that chef could prepare some for our best customer.”
Thus did Maître Shakir kill two birds with one stone: he got rid of the shrimps about to spoil and guaranteed himself a tidy tip.
Next to Maître Shakir sat Yusuf Tarboosh, who knew that he would have to say something. “Praise be to the noble Prophet!”
Everyone then uttered his own praise and prayer for the noble Prophet, and Yusuf continued, “Increasing the bonus is an injustice, and injustice is forbidden because Allah has commanded us to act justly.”
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