it’s that Brazilians hate hair on anything and they’ve waxed them.
Dolores turned up in a beach buggy and took me back up to the Jesus, pointing out various landmarks as we drove, including the house where Ronnie Biggs used to live.
It was busy at Christ the Redeemer now. It wasn’t half as relaxing as it had been earlier this morning. There were hundreds of tourists crammed around the bottom shouting and pushing about. Groups of 20 people being led by a guide who was trying to shout above the other guides who were leading bigger groups. Even the flying ants had sodded off because it had become so crowded. Dolores gave me some facts. It stands at 130 feet and has a chapel in the base. I told her that I like the setting but wasn’t really blown away by the statue. As I was saying this, a couple from England passed by. I asked them what they thought. They weren’t fans either and said they preferred the statue in Lisbon. Dolores was not happy with this comment and said they didn’t know what they were talking about.
She told me that to get a really amazing view I should take a helicopter ride around the statue.
Chicken and beans was served for tea again tonight.
I was woken at 5.10 this morning by Christian. He said we needed to leave by 5.30 for our helicopter ride. I was really struggling. I didn’t have much sleep last night. I was woken around 3 a.m. by something outside. I could hear movement in the long weeds. I got up and could see a shadow moving in the crack of the front door. I thought it might have been someone trying to break in. I couldn’t ignore it so I decided to just open it and see who it was. It was a chicken. At three in the morning! What is a chicken doing awake at this hour? I don’t know if having a chicken walk across your path is some sort of bad omen in Brazil. I took it as bad news anyway, as it looks like we’ll be having chicken for tea again.
I grabbed a banana for breakfast and joined Bin Laden and the crew in the van. Forty minutes later I was getting onboard a helicopter. I’ve never been on one before. I was pretty nervous, as these things don’t glide if the engines fail. I sat in the back and was given headphones to wear, and off we went. There was no safety briefing, none of the usual info you get given before take-off. There was nothing to hold on to either. Even in the back of a Ford Fiesta there is a handle on the ceiling to hold on to, but there was nothing here.
We skimmed about 20 feet above the sea along Ipanema and Copacabana beach, which worried me as it meant that even if I survived a crash I would then have to try and swim in the roughest waves I’ve ever seen. But once I’d got used to the sensation I started to enjoy it. It’s one of the best ways to get around. We went round Christ the Redeemer four times, and it looked amazing. Dolores was right. I was getting a great view. I looked down at all the tourists crammed round the bottom like ants (mind you, they could have been ants, knowing what it’s like down there). It definitely looked more impressive from this angle. It looked taller than 130 feet. I felt I had to say how good Jesus looked. Let’s face it, while I’m whizzing round his head in a helicopter at high speed, he’s the last person I want to slag off. The only thing that didn’t look in proportion was his chin. He looked like Jimmy Hill. I put the dodgy chin down to the fact that the sculptor may have rushed it due to all the flying ants, but once back on ground and we could all hear each other clearly enough to hold a proper conversation, Christian told me he hasn’t got a big chin, it was meant to be a beard.
I really enjoyed my ride in the helicopter. Probably the best part of the trip so far.
Back at the house and my happy mood disappeared when Steve called and told me that Celso had invited me round to his place so I could find out more about Brazilian life. I said I thought it was a waste of time. I’d spent quite a lot of time with Celso over the last few days and I hadn’t learnt that much from him. I still didn’t even know if he was gay or not. Steve told me to stop whingeing and to go.
‘Hello, mate. What’s going on? How’s it going at the hostel?’
Stephen
‘Oh, I left that in the end. It did my head in.’
Karl
‘Well, how long did you last in there?’
Stephen
‘Just did a night.’
Karl
‘Lightweight.’
Stephen
‘It’s not lightweight, honestly. It wasn’t even safe. I shouldn’t have been there. I mean, I had injections before I came that protect me from being bitten by a dirty chimp. But I’m a bit worried that stopping there. I wasn’t protected. So a night was enough.’
Karl
‘Well, I’ve got a bit of good news for you.’
Stephen
‘Go on.’
Karl
‘Pack up your stuff because I don’t know what place you’re staying in now but I’m sure it’s nothing compared to where we’re going to send you. . . You’ve already met Celso, your local guide. Lovely fella. You got on with him, and that’s a treat. He has personally invited you to stay with him in his place.’
Stephen
‘But what’s. . . what’s the point of this, seriously? Steve, do you know him? Have you ever spoken to him?’
Karl
‘But he’s already your mate. You don’t just turn down hospitality like that. Not when you’re in another country.’
Stephen
‘I wouldn’t go that far.’
Karl
‘If someone gives you a bed for the night, you take it, my friend.’
Stephen
‘Listen, if he’s a mate, why hasn’t he told me if he’s gay or not? Why’s it such a big issue?’
Karl
‘But what’s that got to do with anything? That’s got nothing to do with it, mate! He’s just offering you a bed.
Stephen
‘Yeah, but that’s what worries me.’
Karl
‘He’s giving you a bed for the night, alright? You’ve already been whingeing about how you’re not happy where you’re staying. He’s offered a bed for the night – nothing wrong with that.’
Stephen
‘But, honestly, he’s a right queen. It will be like staying with Aunty Nora. I bet he’s got ornaments all over the place. I bet everything’s got a valance on it. I bet everything’s sort of frilly everywhere. I mean, it would be nice for an hour. . .’
Karl
‘If your Aunty
