rel="nofollow" href="#ue6173330-ea8c-593b-bf17-8fadd3b9e93e">XXV. The Caspian Sea Monster
XXVI. Giving the Finger to the Iron Locker
XXVII. Too Well Hung to Impregnate a Girl
XXIX. The Three-Jeweled Eunuch
XXXII. If He’s Talking to You, It Means He’s Breathing!
XXXIII. A Fish With Human Hands Grabbed My Breasts!
XXXIV. Under the Belly of a Fox
XXXVI. What Kind of Dog is It?
XXXVIII. The Apocolocyntosis of the Barnum Museum
XLVI. The Most Massive Harpoon
XLVII. The Island of Point Nemo
XLVIII. When the Tigers Broke Free
XLIX. A Blaze of Black Feathers
LI. There’s Whiskey in the Jar!
LII. Leave this page, children, and you as well, readers whom immodesty offends!
LV. Martyrio, the “Woman Cannonball”
LVIII. The Terrible Vengeance of the Afghan Sow
The Tigris, now invisible, to the right, the bare heights of the Gordyene Mountains to the left; between the two, the plain looked like a desert swarming with golden beetles. They were at Gaugamela, less than three years after the hundred and twelfth Olympiad. Darius had lined up some two hundred thousand foot soldiers and thirty thousand cavalry: auxiliary Indians, Bactrian troops led by their respective satraps, Scythians from Asia, an alliance of mounted archers from the Persians, Arians, Parthians, Phrataphernes, Medes, Armenians, Greek mercenaries, not to mention those from Hyrcania, Susa, and Babylon; Mazaios commanded the soldiers from Syria, Oromobates those from the shores of the Red Sea. They also boasted fifteen elephants and two hundred scythed chariots for which the King of Kings had cleared the stones from the soon-to-be battlefield.
Alexander slept.
Under his orders, the Macedonian army—forty thousand foot soldiers and only seven thousand horses—was deployed in an oblique front. The phalanx in the center was protected on its
