how he wanted to respond to his diagnosis and entitled it the “fact-based, spirit-guided approach.” He then invited his wife, Susanne, to join with him in her role as caregiver.
It was not until the last period of Craig’s life, in the spring of 2009, that we began to systematically write down our understanding of the components of this approach. We reflected on and reviewed what we had successfully done during Craig’s cancer journey, and we recorded what we learned in the process. We hope that our experience now benefits you. Throughout this book, you will hear Craig’s voice as one responding to a cancer diagnosis and Susanne’s voice as the caregiver. However, we have made efforts to keep our suggestions broad enough to apply across a wide range of cancers, not simply brain cancer as Craig experienced.
Our attitude was that life is a continuous process of personal growth and transformation. Cancer is like any test or difficulty in life—it can be an opportunity to engage in this process. A vital component of the fact-based, spirit-guided approach is that scientific, spiritual, and emotional factors must work in harmony. It is then possible to achieve maximum personal growth, healing, and quality of life. We regard healing as a process that is only partially physical. Much of Craig’s healing involved relationships, his soul, and his emotions. We believe our approach extended Craig’s physical life and definitely improved its quality. We also saw ourselves as empowered advocates for Craig’s well-being, and both of us were fully involved as marriage partners in making whatever choices arose.
Overview of the Integrated Fact-Based, Spirit-Guided Approach
When faced with symptoms or a diagnosis for any medical condition, our automatic responses of denial, anger, or anxiety tend to kick in. A diagnosis of cancer, in particular, seems to fill us with dread. The fact-based aspects of this integrated approach help you focus on the known information available to you, rather than descending into a mire of emotions that shut off your rational brain. Part 1 includes guidance about holding tight to the facts about a given aspect of life, instead of imaginary worries, to achieve a level of serenity.
When the facts are particularly difficult or unclear, then the spirit-guided choices in Part 2 provided here are available to help you respond effectively. The guidance includes mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects. This part of the approach to empowered healing includes the belief that there is a natural impulse inside each person to reach for the good, to pray or converse with God or a Higher Power in some fashion, and to seek answers from spiritual sources. In part, we communicate the view that you are a spiritual being having physical experiences. The approach involves reaching for new answers, choosing new words to say and actions to take, and seeking further guidance than is available from the facts. The intent from using this approach is to empower you to live as fully as possible.
For the purpose of clarity and learning, we have laid out the choices of the “fact-based approach” and the “spirit-guided approach” separately. However, they are anything but separate. This is actually an integrated process, where both approaches happen together, and the tools of each intermingle. You may not choose to use all of the ideas presented if they are not a fit for you. However, you will likely discover that the more of them you use, the more empowered you will feel.
Why Include Character Qualities?
A unique feature of this book is the inclusion of character qualities that you may find helpful to practice for successful use of this approach. Both of us were trained as relationship and marriage coaches with a specialty in character development, so we include some of our work on this subject. We firmly believe that it enhances healing and well-being when people speak and act in positive ways, regardless of what challenges they are facing. (See Appendix B for more detail.)
Why “Empowered Healing”?
When faced with a major difficulty, we can be tempted at times to ignore it or let others make decisions for us. We can be especially tempted to automatically delegate responsibility and leadership for our healing to doctors, rather than staying in charge of our own selves and working in partnership with our medical team and loved ones. This book is about empowering you to be in charge of, as much as possible, your healing process. As Dr. Bernie Siegel says in his books Peace, Love & Healing and Help Me to Heal (coauthored with Yosaif August), you are a “respant,” a responsible participant.
An illness may be a sign that you are out of balance in your body or life in some way, and you now have the opportunity to examine your whole life for where you need healing. This book is about being powerful with your choices and maximizing your ability to heal holistically from cancer. It is not about creating remission or a cure, although that may be the outcome of your choices. It is an invitation to systematically take steps that make the maximum amount of healing and quality of life possible to occur.
What Are You Committed to Creating in Your Life?
Taking the fact-based, spirit-guided approach to cancer involves making a commitment to empowered healing. It is making a commitment to create maximum quality of life—however you define that. Practicing “commitment” involves making and keeping a reasonable promise or binding agreement to oneself or to others. If making powerful commitments is not how you have previously approached problems in your life, it may be a significant shift to try a new way.
Whether this is a new approach for you or more familiar, be patient, gentle, and kind with yourself and your loved ones as you assess and choose how you want to heal. Know that you will do well with what you choose at times, and at other times trip or fall. Sometimes it will be two steps forward and only one back. Other times you will feel as if you are standing still and not making progress. You may race ahead instead and do very well. You may question whether you can commit to healing and well-being—it may seem like too much work—but it is worth it. These qualities will help:
Patience is maintaining steady awareness and control of one’s thoughts and responses while waiting for or seeking an outcome; controlling one’s words and actions while willingly and calmly taking the time to respond to difficult, inconvenient, hurtful, delaying, or troublesome situations.
Gentleness is expressing consideration from the heart, honoring the feelings of others and oneself, and using soft and careful physical touch, movement, and words.
Kindness is considering the needs or wants of others and acting in a deliberately warm-hearted and empathetic manner to meet them.
Dr. Bernie Siegel also writes in his book Love, Medicine, and Miracles about the choice of being an exceptional cancer patient. For us, the tools we share with you in Empowered Healing helped us create an exceptional cancer journey. What are you committed to creating in your life?
The choice is yours:
You can choose everything, even acceptance
Choosing takes courage
Choosing eliminates blaming
Choosing creates power
Choosing creates new outcomes
Choosing creates miracles
With love,
Susanne M. Alexander and Craig A. Farnsworth
The Goal of the Fact-Based, Spirit-Guided Approach: LIVE A HIGH-QUALITY LIFE
The Concept
Throughout your experience with cancer, we encourage you to continually evaluate the quality of your life. Before you engage in treatment options, consider how they may affect your whole life, not only whether the treatment extends your life. Cancer and its treatments
