I Have No Buddy by Bowen
I'm Mr Lonely,
Just me here only.
I have no buddy.
I miss my buddy,
My buddy has gone away.
My buddy is gone today.
I have a wee doggy,
Who gets wet and soggy.
She is called Stinky.
She is fast and very slinky.
She is happy, she is nice,
She is quick and catches mice.
My big dog is Slobber,
He’ll bark at a robber.
He likes to chew bones,
And running for stones.
But the stuff in his belly,
Makes farts that are smelly.
Dorinda’s Goat by Brian
One morning on the telephone, there came an urgent call,
Her ladyship was all to-do, like she’d been in a brawl.
“Please help me Brian,” she appealed, “I’ve got an awful pest,
There’s a goat outside who’s awfully cross.” She really was distressed.
When I arrived it all looked fine, no sign of goat round here,
But when Dorinda greeted me, the smelly goat appeared.
“I can’t get out. He’s stalking me. I can’t get to my car,
Please take the smelly goat away, somewhere really far.”
From Ballywalter Park to home again was several country miles,
And as I walked with goat secured, I earned a lot of smiles.
I walked him home to Roddens Farm and put him in a field,
I called Dorinda on the phone, and she was so relieved.
That field had lots of heifers, fat with calf within their tummy,
That goat ate all the bad grass, so the grass he left was yummy.
And so the heifers all kept well because of Billy goat,
(Despite the rancid smell that came from glands around his throat).
The heifers, all so fat with calf, to market they were taken,
Off to little Gortin Glen, deep within the Sperrins.
And Billy goat, he travelled too, for he would not be parted,
He would not leave his lady friends; now isn’t that bighearted?
But at the sale at Gortin Glen, no farmer bid for Billy,
So he was taken up the road, and left where it was hilly.
The Sperrins are so cold at night, with winds of great severity,
But Billy, he was rescued, to raise funds for local charity.
So round the pubs and clubs and bars that goat he went collecting
For a worthy cause, for children who were in need of some protecting.
With Billy’s help, that man he raised an awful lot of money,
So the children (who were all in need), had a future that was sunny.
Did Billy like Dorinda ‘cus he knew she was so wealthy?
Did he realise just how well he kept those heifers nice and healthy?
Despite his tatty looks, and pong, and everyone’s assumption.
That goat, he lived to serve a very honourable function.
Where is Blair? by Bowen
Where is Blair with the big hair?
Is he here, or is he there?
Is he round, or is he square?
In a house, or in a lair?
Eating an apple, or a pear?
Where is Claire with the small hair?
Is she here, or is she there?
Is she sitting in a chair?
Or floating high up in the air?
And saying a prayer?
I see hair, and it's right over there.
It might be Blair, or it might be Claire.
I can’t see, so I'll stand on a chair,
Oh! It is Claire, and she is running with Blair.
They are being chased by a grizzly bear.
The Turkey by Brian
Of all the birds so weird and quirky,
The ugliest fowl must be the turkey.
They sometimes like to chase old ladies
To try to steal their jelly-babies.
The ladies wearing baggy knickers
Can seal their jelly up with stickers.
This is why their bottoms wobble
When they hear a turkey “Gobble.”
Awkward Wordsearch by Brian
They say that puzzles are
