Bowen and the Postman by Brian
Our Postie is a lovely man,
He didn’t mean to park his van
On Bowen’s knee,
“AAAaaaahhhhoooooowweeeeee…”
Proverbial fingers burnt.
Important lessons learnt.
Next time Postie delivers a letter
He’s gonna need something bigger and better.
Preferably with an ejection seat,
‘Cus Bowen says, “Revenge is Sweet.”
To avoid the risk of future knocks,
Our lane now has a postal box.
Bowen’s version of events
One day I was walking along waiting on the postman to come. He came, but not as usual he tried to kill me.
And suddenly the next day his van ended up like a giant metal monster.
I was behind the post van… I got a gun and shot a nut out of his machine. The machine blew up, the postman jumped out of his van and fell into the gorse bush and got all prickled.
And I lived happily ever after.
Jumping Down by Brian
Two and a half miles way up high
Just a tiny dot in the big blue sky.
It’s not so insane to leap from the plane
To make my way back down again.
Hurtling earthwards through the air
Parachute opens like an answered prayer.
What could surpass a thrill so first class?
Then landing safely on my ass.
(and thanks to everyone who helped Blair and Briar raise loads of money for charity)
I Love by Bowen
I love Mummy.
(I’d love some money.)
I help my mummy with the mopping
Then she lets me go out shopping.
I love Blair,
And his crazy hair.
Blair likes to show me how to draw,
But I still draw like I draw with a claw.
Brian is my dad.
He is a bit mad.
I like to snorkel in the sea.
That’s what Dad loves to do with me.
My sister is Briar.
She sings in a choir.
She likes to feed me chocs and jelly
When we sit and watch the telly.
I love my family.
It’s what makes me me.
Monkey Advice by Brian
Monkeys are cheeky,
Monkeys are rude.
Monkeys make noises
When eating their food.
Monkeys are naughty,
Monkeys are nice,
Monkeys don’t listen
To helpful advice.
I once had a monkey,
We went to the zoo,
But another bad monkey
Taught my one kung fu.
All the monkeys escaped
The whole zoo was upset,
Even the elephant
Felt under threat.
If you have a monkey
The zoo’s not the place;
Give him to NASA
To send into space.
Save the Venomous Albanian Lesser-Spotted Short-Snouted Spiny Snuffeluntegroo by Blair
I wouldn't be surprised if you
Were naïve of the Snuffeluntegroo.
They're so absolutely very rare
Most people don't believe they're there.
Their arms are long, their legs are short.
Their tail is of the reptile sort.
Their chests are broad, their stomachs' small,
They barely have a waist at all.
Their spines are long and shiny black
And run right down the creature's back.
They're covered head to toe with lots
Of large and tiny purple spots.
So if you do one thing today,
Make yourself this beast's salvation;
All you have to do is pay
A rather
