I let it happen again. How could I be so stupid? I didn't fight hard enough...what? How can I love and respect someone who is constantly doing wrong to me. I love him but I cannot keep letting him touch me inappropriately.
If I told Derek, he would kill him. If I told the police, they'd arrest him, and I don't want that. I've already told my mom, and she told me to suck it up. Well he got close enough last night before Derek got home.
He knew not to do anything if Derek was home. I had never been so happy to see Derek in my life. I ran into his room and hugged him. He eventually pushed me away but the moment was still beautiful. That all went down on Tuesday, and it wasn't the first time nor will it be the last time he touches me unless I find the will to do something about it.
It was late Friday evening. I was sitting on the couch talking on the phone with Devon. Devon wanted so badly to move our relationship to the next level, but I was scared.
Devon was a nice boy and everything but he doesn't notice the little things that a boyfriend should. He should be able to feel my emotions. He should have sensed last night that I didn't feel like talking and that something was off, but he didn't. He just tried in every way possible to talk me into sex. I had just been touched in the most inappropriate way a father could touch his daughter and now I’m being pressured into sex by my boyfriend.
Today was Saturday. I wanted to go to Adrian's party but I wasn't feeling up to it. Every time my father touches me, for days I'm depressed, and it's hard for me to come out of it. Different thoughts run through my mind, and I lie down for hours and just stare blankly at the wall, which is what I was doing when Derek walked in.
“Hey, little one, you going to Adrian party? I'm leaving right now.” he was talking fast, and I had not come out of my thought so I didn't answer him. “D, you coming?” he asked again. He snapped his fingers in front of my face and I didn't even blink. “Not again.” I heard him mumble as he sat on the edge of my bed. He knew the routine. “D, you can't keep letting Devon get to you. I swear if you end up like this again, I'm gone have to knock him out.” he said as he put his arm around my shoulder. I leaned my head on his shoulder and cried.
“I don't know what to do”, I said through sobs. Of course he would think I was talking about Devon.
“If you ain't happy break up with him”, Derek said.
“I'm fine”, I lied.
“So you coming”, he got up from the bed pulling me with him. “Get dressed. I'm leaving in ten minutes”, he said.
I got dressed, and we were out in ten minutes.
We got to the party and it was in full throttle when we got there. I walked in by myself because Derek stopped to smoke. I quickly spotted Akira from the cheerleading squad. “Hey Akira”, I shouted over the music.
“Hey girly”, she responded just as loudly.
“Where's Adrian”, I asked looking around confused that he wouldn't be on the dance floor at his own party.
“Probably upstairs with some poor innocent freshman that fell for his birthday charm”, she said taking a sip of whatever it was she was drinking.
“What a shame! Wait, I thought he was with um, that one girl with the long hair. Uh, what's her name?”
“Hey, I don't know her name girl, but yea, he broke up with her yesterday, so he could be a free agent at his 19th,” she said taking another sip and rolling her eyes.
“Ay, what's that you drinking”, I asked.
“I don’t even know but its good. Girl, try this”, she lifted it to my lips and I drank it. It was good.
“It's good.”
“Well go get some”, she pointed to the makeshift bar at Adrian's parents’ house.
‘“Hey”, Devon said to me before I took a sip. He came behind and wrapped his arms around my waist. I flinched, and I don't think he noticed this time. He took my drink from my hands and drunk some of it. “What is this?”
“My drink!” I said as I snatched it back.
“It's good”, he commented.
“I know that's why I got it”, I said as I wiggled out of his embrace.
“What's up with you”, he furrowed his eyebrows at me in confusion.
“Nothing, I just---I'm going to go get some air. Is my brother out there?” I motioned to the front door as I started to walk that way.
“Uh, yea, but I wanna talk to you”, he grabbed my elbow to pulled me back to him.
“Devon, I need to talk to Derek, we can talk lata.” he nodded his head and reluctantly let go.
I went outside and saw that Derek was kissing CC. I didn't want to interrupt them so I just stood outside and took a couple of deep breaths. Eventually they broke apart for air, and I was acknowledged.
“Hey Demetria”, CC said.
“What's up”, I replied curtly without looking at her.
“Yo, why are you out here D? Go have fun, and stay away from that dickhead.
“Yea girl, and if Devon ain't treating you right then go get you another one”
“Yea, like my brotha need to do”, I mumbled as I went back inside.
I'm pretty sure she heard me, which is what I intended.
When I finished my drink, I went to get another one. They seemed to get better and better. Ashley came and dragged me off to the dance floor minutes later. We danced for a good few minutes before I felt Devon's hands on my hips from behind. I didn't flinch this time and it was probably due to the drink.
A couple minutes later, Derek was in front of us with an angry look on his face.
“Stay away from my sister!” Derek said.
“What?” Devon asked in confusion.
“You heard me! Boy, get yo hands off my sista”, Derek said. By this time they were moving in closer to each other, both with anger in their eyes.
“Let's go, D”, my brother yanked on my arm, but for some dumb reason I hung onto Devon.
“She don’t wanna go with you”, Devon said.
“D”, my brother yelled.
“I'm straight Derek. You said have fun, and I am”, I turned back towards Devon and we started dancing.
Derek then grabbed my shoulder and Devon pushed his hand away, which provoked Derek. Derek swung his arm back and punched Devon in the face. I'm glad Ashley was nearby otherwise I would have been knocked out too. Derek had Devon on the ground and he was pounding into his face.
I should have just told Derek the truth or at least close to it.
“Don't
