you are with money may impact the way your children experience money in their lives....as they say, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”
Money Autobiography:
Your past holds the key to your financial future. As a child you began to form your first impressions of what money is all about:
What did your mother say about money?
How did your mother spend money, what did she spend it on? What did your father do and say about money?
Were there arguments in your home around the topic of money and finances? What sayings pop into your mind when we ask you about money?
What is your happiest moment with money? Your unhappiest?
What happened to family members during the depression and recessions?
How is /was the subject of money addressed by your church or the religious traditions of your relatives?
How did your family communicate about money? How does your family now communicate about money?
As a child did you feel poor or rich?
Did you long for what other children had?
Will you inherit money? How does that make you feel?
How do you feel about taxes, welfare, people living off the system? Are you generous, overgenerous, stingy, frugal?
Do you tip, and how much?
Do you judge others by how you perceive they deal with their money? Do you tithe, give money away?
Do you spend some, save some, and give some away? In what proportions?
Internal Integrity is an Opportunity
Internal integrity is about learning what is true and authentic for you and letting go of the beliefs about yourself that you may have borrowed from others, and, which may no longer serve you. You need to act on the truth that comes from you. Staying integrated requires that you continuously focus on the truth as it emerges and welcome it as a catalyst for further personal growth. In this way, knowing the truth about who you are presents itself as an opportunity to make the choices that are right for you. This is part of your journey toward self-discovery and an essential part of financial leadership.
Have you ever been afraid of learning the truth about something? Have you had the experience of avoiding seeking the truth only to have your fear grow? It’s likely that once you chose to see the truth your fear began to dissipate.
Aileen:
As a financial advisor, I have repeatedly seen that most of the fear people feel about money stems from their simply not knowing the truth about their financial situation and not knowing themselves well enough. Learning more about what is true for you is key in freeing you from fear and helping you make better choices with money. We will address fear in great detail in another chapter; however, it is important here for you to see how it connects to truth. In our noisy world many have lost the sense of their truth, their intuitive inner being. Consequently they find it difficult to make choices that will serve them well. We want you to know your truth deeply, so that you can act with internal integrity and authenticity to make intentional use of your money with confidence and peace, instead of reacting with anxiety and fear. This is what financial planning is all about.
Here are a few points to reflect on to help you challenge what you believe about yourself, so you can begin revealing what is true for you. In asking yourself these questions, listen to your inner voice and pay attention to the images that pop up spontaneously in your mind. Allow these images to guide you toward your authentic truth.
•Challenge your false beliefs - What exactly are you so afraid of? What is keeping you from doing everything that you know you should be doing in order to reach your goal?
•Challenge the way you see yourself - we all get used to thinking and seeing ourselves in a certain way. This can limit our ability to grow because we tend to live up to our expectations of ourselves, which become self-fulfilling: If you tend to picture yourself as not creative, you will avoid opportunities where you are required to be creative. This will in turn keep your creativity dormant, and you will continue to believe that you are not creative. How can you expand your view and vision of yourself?
•Picture yourself the way you want to be. If you want to be creative, see yourself embracing the opportunity to express your creativity. Ask yourself, how do people who embrace creativity live? How do they prepare a meal, write a note, or choose a gift? Know that what you focus on expands - begin to focus on the way you want to be.
•What have you avoided doing because you have told yourself that you cannot possibly do it? Why not? Is this an excuse or is it a lack of skill or knowledge, or a fear that you feel you cannot realistically overcome?
•Assessing the data means that you realize there are no coincidences in life, we attract all that comes into our lives. Taking responsibility can be difficult but very liberating, because it means that we also have the power to manifest what we desire. Look around. Do you have the life you desire? If not, what is holding you back?
Exercise - Write your own eulogy. What would others say about you? What would you like others to say about you?
“We are here today to celebrate the life of John. He has touched us all in many ways. As I look around I see his loving family, his children who are a reflection of his love and spirit. His children are involved in different things in life, yet all do them fully. They support and love their spouses and children, and are more focused on their development as a family versus working to accomplish more in the outside world. His wife, with whom he has lived passionately and explored greatly, is here. John’s business associates are here because of the strong relationship they developed through their work connections. Many of his competitors from the business world are here, because they knew John to be a man of integrity and spirit. He was someone who called them all, and their businesses, to be excellent. Let us celebrate John’s life, and the principles that he stood for. Each of us is stronger and more loving for having known John.”
This was written by John in a workshop at a time of his life when his main focus and drive came from his professional life. People in the workshop described him as driven, focused, intense, business-like, cold, more focused on success than relationships. John’s insights and breakthrough came when he acknowledged that he wanted to be a family man, not simply providing for his family, but actually having relationships with all members. In writing his eulogy he realized this would require change. The great thing was that his family was still young, his life still before him. He quickly acted to make changes so that even if circumstances cut short his days on earth, he could create the life that he described above!
Learn the Truth About Risk
Money, risk and reward are intimately bound together. The universe always asks what you are willing to give before it will reward you.
For instance, there are risks in living from paycheck to paycheck without any reserves. There is nothing to fall back on if the income stream is interrupted by illness, disability or any of the other accidents of life. Another risk could be not having the financial resources to pursue your dream. Your dream of starting your own business may be at risk if you never save enough money to create the reserves to allow you to quit your job with some start-up capital. These are financial
