the price we'll have to pay to achieve that goal, or any goal.”
Vince Lombardi
I believed that if I ran enough and practiced my ball handling, free throws, and jump shooting that I could make the team. I knew as much about the game as my peers so I felt mentally prepared to play.
Time based: You goal should have an end date. If lifelong learning is your goal then you do not need an end date. However, the majority of goals should have a completion time. Time based also contains an element of measurement. You need both so you can gauge if you are progressing toward completion of your goal. The last cut sheet would be posted a week after tryouts. There was no doubt when my goal would be complete. I was still there going into the last week so I was progressing toward my goal.
The second element of going after life’s success is acquiring the resources to make it happen. What resources do you need to make your goal happen? You could seek help from others. You may determine you need specific machinery or materials. My resources for making the school basketball team were a basketball, a basketball court with rim, a pair of sneakers and the neighborhood guys to play against.
The third element of going after life’s success is to relentlessly focus resources on your goal. Your must focus your management of people, machinery and materials in a matter that completes your goal. So, I had a basketball, a dirt court with basketball rim, my sneakers and my boys to play against. I played every day after school and practiced and practiced and practiced to make the school team.
Now, as Paul Harvey would say, the rest of the story. The thought of making the team was gratifying. I was reasonable in thinking I could do what my peers had done. My goal was explicit – to make the school team. I was physically and mentally ready and I knew when it could happen.
Here’s what happened:
Eighth grade – did not make team.
Ninth grade – did not make team.
Tenth grade – finally made junior varsity. I did not play much.
Eleventh grade – made Junior varsity and started every game.
Twelfth grade – made varsity and started every game. I earned All City, District and Regional honors.
College – played four years. I earned All Conference three years, honorable mention All-America my senior year and was inducted in Case Western Reserve’s Basketball Hall of Fame.
Post College – I tried out for the Cleveland Cavaliers – did not make the team. But oh what a run! And all I wanted to do initially was make the junior high basketball team.
Everyone can reach their goals. Every can embrace going after life’s success.
7: Listen
We are Promoters and Explorers. We promote our ideas with emotion. We explore the world around us by listening for meaning and answers. Promotion and exploration are yin and yang on the coin of communication and learning. Promoters talk. Explorers listen. Both are needed for communication but learning comes from listening.
“A wise man listening to a fool will learn more than a fool listening to a wise man.”
Anonymous
Most people prefer promoting. They never take a breath as they promote their ideas. Are there times that we must promote an idea? Of course there are. Even so, we should explore what we are sending and what is being heard.
Explorers know listening is a choice. Active listening focuses on a message and its meaning. Unconscious listening is only hearing. Hearing is involuntary. Hearing is a physical sensation created by an external stimulus. We are bombarded by sounds around us like traffic, television, conversations, construction and more. We must prioritize what we listen to so that we don’t miss something important. Take this conversation for instance.
Husband (concerned): “What’s wrong honey?”
Wife (sniffling): You didn’t get me a birthday present.”
Husband (perplexed): “But you told me not to get you anything this year.”
Wife (innocently): “That’s what I said, but you know what I meant.”
Husband (getting his coat): “I’ll be right back.”
The husband heard what his wife was saying but he was not listening. Technically he may have been right, but his inability to pick up the subtle message behind his wife’s words caught him off guard.
“When making personal decisions, listen to what your head says; then listen to what your heart says. If they differ follow your heart! Whenever you listen to you heart, you listen to that part of you that is most interested in your well-being.”
Anonymous
What are a few obstacles to listening? Imagine we are sitting in a training seminar, or lecture hall or even in church. We daydream. We are not interested in the subject. We focus on the speaker’s clothing or delivery. We are distracted by outside noises or conversations. We feel the room is not right. We are impatient or self absorbed.
Listening for understanding is a learned skill. Explorers use two types of feedback to check understanding – statement confirmation and questioning for clarity.
Statement confirmation is restating what you the think the speaker is saying. Explorers are able to paraphrase the speaker’s words to the speaker’s satisfaction.
Questioning for clarification is asking for additional information to clarify your view of the speaker’s message. Explorers use this method to double check their understanding.
One-on-one statement confirmation and questioning for clarity is a quicker process than in a group setting. Statement confirmation and questioning for clarity in a group setting may entail taking notes, reviewing for restatement and asking questions later.
Statement confirmation and questioning for clarity does not mean you agree with the speaker. It means that you are seeking understanding of the message.
You as a Promoter can refine your ideas by becoming an Explorer. Prepare your audience by asking for active listening. Tell your audience you will ask them to paraphrase your idea, you will open the floor for clarifying questions, expect feedback on whether your idea makes sense and entertain how they would improve your idea. Can you see what happens? You become an Explorer. You actively listen to feedback. You now can switch roles back to Promoter with a better chance of presenting your idea in terms that makes sense to your audience.
You have created the coin of communication and learning.
The little child whispered, "God, speak to me."
And a meadowlark sang.
But the child did not hear.
So the child yelled, "God, speak to me!"
And
