many times have people tried to console us by saying something like, “Well, at least you learned a good lesson?” This is a good way to frame a not-so-happy event in our lives—if we actually learn from it. Yet, if we console ourselves by saying “good lesson learned” and then moronically turn around and do it again, the lesson isn’t getting through to us. Maybe we lost a job because of chronic tardiness. If we learned the lesson, we'd get to work on time with the new job. If we didn’t learn, then we'd find new excuses for being late. Have we gotten ourselves into debt with uncontrolled spending? If we accrue credit card debt again even after refinancing the house, then we probably didn’t learn the lesson. In recovery we don’t let experience be something we get only after we need it.
I not only share my experience with others,
I share it with myself as well.
One of the things I learned was that out of all bad can come good, if we're willing to recognize the ways to make that happen.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 245
March 23
The only place you can find success before work is in the dictionary. ∼May V. Smith
“Bring the body and the mind will follow” is something we tell the newcomer often. What we mean by it is that if they keep coming back and stay chemical-free, soon enough their mind will clear up. Eventually, the newcomer will begin to understand that in order to truly recover they must do the work, not sit around and expect the Program to magically work for them. There is a distinction between the Program working for someone and someone working the Program. The next time a newcomer says, “The Program isn’t working for me,” we can agree with them. We can tell them, “The only people who stay sober are the ones who work the Program, not the ones who wait for the Program to work for them.” We tell the newcomer to bring their body to more meetings until they get it!
I teach the newcomer that when they work the Program hard, life is easy. When they work
the Program easy, life is hard.
I had really tried to work the program, this time. And even though I had gone back out so many times before, I was now clean and sober.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 256
March 24
Sometimes it’s best to use my teeth as a grill for my tongue. ∼Joann M.
When using, everything was a reaction—usually an instant one and usually a bad one! If the other person said mean things, we would say meaner things back. If someone on the phone hung up on us, we might return the favor by calling back ten times just to hang up on them. It’s a lot easier to react than it is to think. Part of our new way of life is practicing rational thinking. When the behavior of another catches us by surprise, we pause—think—take a deep breath—and act, if necessary, or perhaps not act at all. Sometimes it is better to do nothing than it is to react. Our action might include prayer, calling our sponsor, taking a walk, or attending a meeting. What it doesn’t include is reacting willy-nilly to the world around us, hurting others because we are hurt, or lashing out before we pause and think it through.
When caught off guard, I take a moment to make contact with my Higher Power, so that I can act, rather than react to the world around me.
Of course, I reacted immaturely, and, as a direct result, both my best friend and I were subsequently released from active duty and honorably discharged.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 262
March 25
Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not, there isn’t anyone who doesn’t appreciate kindness and compassion. ~Dalai Lama
Most of us arrived at 12-step recovery without expecting much compassion and kindness. Many of us thought we might be humiliated into abstinence or perhaps something worse. More than one of us has been shocked by the loving embrace of compassion and the words of kindness that we had long ago chased from our lives. These acts of love are most often what kept us around long enough to “get it.” Therefore, it is imperative that when newcomers arrive, even straight from the crack house stinking to high heaven, we show them compassion. We match their belligerence with kind and patient words, their confusion with understanding, and their disdain with love. We help clean them up, find them a seat, and give them a hug. This is our way.
I give my gift away.
{G}od can still use this beaten-up, tired shell of a man to help someone else in recovery, to be of service to someone in need, to encourage the less fortunate, or to pray for a brother's salvation.
∼Chemically Dependent Anonymous P 342
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