accounts
Insurance policies
Mortgages
Outstanding Loans
Pensions
Deeds and titles
Retirement accounts
Safety deposit boxes
Credit Accounts
Stashed valuables
Computer passwords
(A complete checklist and tracking document for important papers is in Section VI of this manual)
•The existence of a will and whether it is up-to-date according to his/her/their wishes
Division of assets
Name of executor
Financial power of attorney
Healthcare power of attorney
Durable power of attorney
Special bequests
•Alternatives to the family home should health or limitations dictate a move
Retirement community
Assisted living center
Nursing facility
Live with family member
•End-of-life decisions
Obituary wording
Burial preferences
Cremation preferences
Funeral preferences (eulogy, music, specific readings, who conducts service)
Memorial preference in lieu of flowers
•Living bequests – Discuss the possibility of certain sentimental items being given to children, grandchildren, and heirs, while parents are still living versus after death. This can significantly minimize feuding after the death of a loved one.
CONVERSATION STARTERS
It is never easy to talk with your parents about future issues. Here are some conversation starters that will make it more comfortable for you and your parents:
“Dad, something’s been on my mind I wanted to talk with you about. Maybe now is a good time to talk about a plan for when something happens to you or mom. I want to make sure I know what to do when the time comes and I need your help."
“Sue and I have some concerns after you are gone. We’d like to talk with you and make sure you have all your documents like a will/trust, power of attorney, etc. Can you tell us your plan so we don’t argue?”
“Bob and I would like to know your plan and final wishes. If you don’t have a plan in place, we would like to help you so we will know everything to do and it will be done as you would like.”
“Mom and Dad, sometimes I worry about you living all alone. Are there any things we could do to help you?”
“Dad, when Uncle Jim passed away, his family fought for weeks over things. Do you ever worry that Mike and I will be like that?”
“Jim and I started looking closer at our retirement account, and we’d love to pick your brain about all the things we need to know about retirement.”
“Dad, do you ever worry about Mom if she had to go on alone without you?”
Parents, listen to your children. And children, listen to your parents. This is a critical conversation for all of you and you want to make sure you communicate well. Just like when we were kids in school, don’t be afraid to raise your hand and ask questions. Making assumptions or guessing about what the other one wants can be dangerous and lead to places you don’t want to go. Remember what your teachers used to tell you. There’s no such thing as a dumb question.
PROTECTING FROM FRAUD
The unfortunate reality is that the elderly are preyed upon worse than any other demographic population. Protecting your parents from fraud and scams will avoid discovering surprises and unexpected losses in the future.
To follow are six things you should do to protect your parents from fraudulent activities:
•Ask or discuss with your parents who has durable power of attorney.
•Register your parents’ telephone number(s) with the National Do Not Call Registry (www.donotcall.gov).
•Discuss with them the list of common frauds (outlined in this chapter) and ask them to contact you if they suspect anyone is trying to defraud them.
•Ask your parents to contact you if anyone offers to buy any of their possessions.
•Make sure a family member personally visits your parents on a weekly basis. If this is a challenge and you have other siblings, take turns.
•Reduce junk mail for a small fee by going to either of these Web sites: www.stopthejunkmail.com and www.greendimes.com.
A complete overview of scams, schemes and fraudulent activities commonly attempted on the elderly are listed in The Boomer Burden – Dealing With Your Parent’s Lifetime Accumulation of Stuff.
UPDATING/ORGANIZING PAPERWORK
Being organized now before any transition or the inevitable occurs will save much anguish and frustration for you and your family.
•Last Will and Testament/Trust is up-to-date
Was it legally prepared, witnessed and/or notarized?
Family changes affecting distribution are currently reflected including recent illness, deaths, births, adoptions, marriages, and divorces
Property changes are up-to-date
Tax law changes have been considered and addressed
Residence changes are up-to-date
Beneficiaries match those identified in insurance or investment papers
Original stored in a fire-proof safe or off premises in safe deposit box
Copy given to executor or attorney
Location of will has been identified and is known by you and other key family members, siblings
•Financial
