contain a lifetime of memories. You might think it is clutter, but to them, everything is precious. If mentally capable, allow parents to be a part of the decision-making.
Once it is determined that being in someone’s care is essential, here are some transition guidelines and things to consider:
•Consider the actual square footage of the space to be occupied by your parent.
•Get a blueprint of the new space so furniture can be effectively placed.
•Determine what can realistically fit into the square footage.
•Determine what heirlooms need to be stored for safekeeping.
•Valuables should not go to a facility with them. They have a tendency to disappear while parents are either out or sleeping; often doors are left unlocked.
•Identify sentimental and small familiar items that can make the new space comfortable.
Pictures
Photo books
Accent items
Books
Family Bible
Favorite blanket/pillow
Hobby items
Craft supplies
Playing cards, board games
•Less is better. Typically too much is kept causing a tripping hazard or clutter.
•Be practical. Holiday decorations, books, magazines, etc do not need to go. Be minimalistic with these items as they can take up a lot of space.
•Be realistic. How much clothing and linens are truly needed? Loose fitting, comfortable, pull-on, or zip-up clothing items are best.
It also depends on the place in which your parent(s) are moving. Take these additional guidelines to heart depending on the scenario you are currently managing.
•If moving to your home or a sibling’s home:
Respect that they still need to feel at home in your home.
Allow their furniture and things to be in the room they will be staying in versus just moving them into an existing guest room with its existing furnishings, etc.
•If moving to an assisted living center:
You will only have one or two rooms with not much storage space.
•If moving to a nursing home:
You will not need furniture and for sanitary reasons many facilities will not allow furniture into the room
LEAVING A LEGACY
What kind of legacy will your parents leave? What stories will live on after they are gone? You, your children and grandchildren may or may not be able to recount the major events in your parents’ lives. Don’t wish you would have asked after your parents are gone. Start to capture these stories now. Ask them to share how these events changed their life and potentially yours as a result. Have them share how their military service, living through the Great Depression or the Civil Rights movement, growing up poor, immigrating to America, etc. impacted their thoughts and emotions. Invite them to share their stories in a way they can be preserved and remembered.
Some of the ways this can be done are:
•Writing a personal letter to each child and grandchild.
•Create a final love letter to comfort a spouse.
•Leave behind a thank you card or letter for caregiver(s).
•Ask a friend or writer to help you record written memories and stories.
•Set up a video camera to capture the memories and stories on tape.
•Have them share the stories behind special heirlooms they will inherit.
•Record them reading a favorite story.
While the thought of your parents leaving your family is painful to consider, your actions will provide great comfort and be a permanent, loving embrace to their memory and what can be passed down for generations to come.
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