hours until I have to be at the airport so she drives down to Magic Island at Ala Moana Beach Park where we can walk around before lunch. On the drive over to Magic Island she tells me that we should have lunch at the mall. I am lost in a daydream about Guam and partially oblivious to her conversation which doesn’t quite register with me. I think she said that we are going to have saimin for lunch at Mom’s café. Where is Mom’s café? I think I would rather have sushi than saimin.
Walking around Magic Island we pass joggers, bicyclists, tour groups and a wedding party is posing for pictures with Diamond Head as the background. Emiko has a forlorn look in her eyes as we watch. She squeezes my hand and sighs. I first met Emiko Satou when I worked at the vitamin store next to Gold’s Gym. Her office building was next door. I used to work at that store every Friday and wave to Emiko as she passed by on her way to the gym. Like most local girls she embodies a natural radiance, grace and friendliness. But the first time I asked her out she told me no. I was dumbfounded because I asked her out again and again and she kept saying no. Eventually the reason came to me. Emiko thought that I was still together with Keilani. So the next Friday morning when I saw Emiko, I explained that Keilani and I broke up and I was single. After hearing my explanation she finally agreed to go out for drinks after work. Emiko drank four Salty dogs that night at the Row Bar and by the time we got back to her office parking garage, she was way too drunk to drive. She took me into her office and we ended up having sex on her desk and then going back to my place. By the time we hit the sheets she didn’t seem drunk at all but she shrieked, scratched, moaned arched her back and wrapped her legs around me until we both passed out. The next morning, she left hung- over and ashamed, without even waking me up. When I finally did wake up, sometime around noon, the first thing I did was call her, which caught her off guard. I asked her to meet me for coffee and we spent the rest of that day together. After a few weeks she started spending all of her nights with me. We began to see more of each other after I lost my job. Emiko does her best to occupy my time. We go to the movies twice week and we spend hours sitting on the lanai enjoying conversation. She keeps me grounded, a pillar of support yet we constantly argue about the status of our relationship. She has romantic intentions and dreams of a wedding, a home and starting a family. But I feel like my life is too unstable, my future is too volatile. I don’t want to let her know that I am vulnerable because right now she makes me feel secure. I don’t want her to leave me and yet here I am leaving her today.
Since I was no longer working, I spent most of the last five months anxiously applying for jobs and writing nutrition articles for Hawaii Sport news. Although that didn’t pay me any money, it did keep me involved and interested in the health and fitness industry. And I continued to work out five days a week, sometimes lifting weights with Jay Merrill, sometimes doing cardio with Emiko, always to relieve stress. I had a plan that included Emiko. I would find a job and work and earn a steady income. After that I would be able to focus on a relationship with her. But she kept repeating the same speech. The one about wanting a relationship that leads to marriage and a family. If only she could have chilled out and waited for me to start a new career. If only she would have stopped pressuring me to move our relationship forward. If only she could have understood the stress and pressure of a shrinking bank account and the impending deadline of the next month’s rent.
Driving into the airport, Emiko says that it will be easier if we say a short goodbye and that she wants to just drop me off curbside at the departure area. My stomach sinks, but I agree. I tell myself that I agree because she sounds relieved to be getting rid of me. I agree because it seems like she will be happier once I am gone. I agree because I want to focus on the future. But really, I agree because I am too afraid to tell her that I need her. I am too afraid to tell her that I can’t image what the last few months would have been like without her. She pulls to the curb of the International Departures terminal. I can’t look at her so I get out of the car and take my backpack from the backseat. Walking towards the airport entrance I hear Emiko’s voice softly calling me. Turning around to meet her embrace, she wraps her arms around me tightly. We hold each other and I hear her say “I love you” in a whisper so soft it that it may just be a thought passing through my head. I hug her tightly and feel her tremble as she begins to cry. A rush of emotions strikes me. I hold my breath. I focus. I am standing at the airport. I am about to leave O’ahu and start a new job. I am about to leave Emiko. She loves me. It was the first time she has ever said that to me, here, just now at the Honolulu Airport. I spent the last few days trying to disassociate from my life on O’ahu. I avoided everyone and everything that had been part of my life in Hawaii, everyone but Emiko.
My seat is in the economy plus section of Continental Micronesia’s evening flight from Honolulu to Guam and there must be at least one hundred open seats. Enough empty seats that I could move to one of the middle rows and lie out across all three seats to sleep. My new coworker, Nestor Daya, is doing that about five rows back. But I am too anxious to sleep. The flight from Honolulu to Guam is a little over seven hours and we will cross the International dateline. That means that even though we left Honolulu at four on Monday evening but we will not be landing on Guam until Tuesday night at eight thirty. It’s amusing to me that we will lose an entire day travelling from Hawaii to Guam, travelling into the future. I try to read the Continental in-flight magazine but I keep thinking about Emiko and my life on O’ahu. My memories are mostly of Emiko and Jay, the two people who I will miss the most. I keep thinking about everything that happened over the last seven years. I keep thinking about all of my friends in Hawaii and here I am on a plane, leaving them all behind.
I’m exhausted, tired, but I can’t sleep. This is crazy. I keep replaying the last three weeks in my head and I can’t help but laugh at myself. How the fuck did I end up on this plane? It’s a vivid memory. I was walking to Gold’s Gym for an evening workout with Jay Merrill, my big brother. I stopped in front of the vacant building on South Street that previously housed one of the sports nutrition stores. An empty feeling began to pulse through me until it was disrupted by the sound of jets passing through the clouds as they flathatted towards Hickham Air Force Base. I looked into the window of the office building next door, to wave to Emiko, but she was not at her desk and then my cell phone started to ring.
“Hello?” I had answered.
I heard Jay’s voice. “Hey, I won’t be able to work out with you today, work is crazy and I need to stay and finish a load of crap. Can we work out on Saturday?”
“Yah, no worries, Jay” I said.
”I am sorry, are you already at the gym?” He asked.
“Yah I am just about to walk in the door” I said.
“Have a good workout and I will see you tomorrow” he said.
“Ok Jay, have a super fun evening at work” I said.
“You’re a little shit.” He said laughing right before he hung up.
Inside the gym one of the trainers, Chris Fernandez saw me and flashed a shaka. “Hey, I have a client that I want you to meet, he owns a gym on Guam and he is looking for a manager” he said.
Ignoring his question I responded with, “Hey Fernandez, What’s up?”
Fernandez continued. “I am serious, this guy has big money, and it could be a huge opportunity for you.” He has been in Honolulu a few days interviewing for a manager and he asked to meet you.”
“You’re serious?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yah, several people have mentioned you to him. He really wants to meet you. Guam could be a huge opportunity for you. This guy, Mr. Sawdoo, is the real deal. He owns several businesses and the gym” he said.
“Seriously, why the hard sales pitch? Why would Mr. Sawdoo be interested in working with me? He doesn’t even know me! Is Sawdoo really his name?” I asked.
“Mr.
