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Key: A=Always | R=Rarely | N=Never | S=Sometimes | O=Often | U=Uncertain
*Vaginal dryness and size changes should not occur if one ovary is retained or if hormone replacement therapy is given.
Table 4: Emotions experienced during and after treatment for cancer
| Emotion | Cancer Patient | Partner |
| Anger - when guilt cannot be expressed, it can surface as anger. | Toward the outside world. “What did I do to deserve this?” “I tried to do the right things for my body and this had to happen.” | “Why will my partner not discuss the situation, not listen to reason, not express intimacy by touching…?” |
| Anxiety-related to concerns about health implications, incompatible desires | About cancer recurrence or that she can’t fulfill partner’s demand. | Worried about partner’s health and survival; unable to get partner to talk; does not know how partner feels. |
| Apathy | No sex because of real or perceived inability to “perform.” | “I don’t want to make demands of her.” |
| Denial - comes, goes, and may return. | “It’s not me they’re talking about.” Often occurs during the time of diagnosis. May suppress it or come out of denial & then accept the situation. Then a bad lab result may push patient into denial again. | Confused, does not know why partner does not take the situation seriously. Or: in denial “This can’t be happening to us.” |
| Depression | Disease changes life; treatment costly, routines and plans disrupted. Lower quality of life. | Worried about partner survival. Quality of life is lower. Paying for treatment may be a financial burden. |
| Discouragement | Given a raw deal, has to deal with cancer. Becomes pronounced when treatment goes badly. | Same as for patient. |
| Distress | Feeling powerless and sad. | May feel distressed and guilty because he/she could not protect the loved one. |
| Frustration | “Why doesn’t my partner understand what I am going through?” “Nothing’s going right.” “He wants me to feel sexual. But I don’t.” | “I can’t get her to open up.” “I have needs also and she shuts me out.” “I want to help and she won’t let me.” |
| Gratitude | “I am so thankful I’m alive. I realize how precious every day is.” | “I’m grateful she is still here. This made me realize how much she means to me.” |
| Guilt | “I’m causing all this worry for my partner and family.” | "I was not able to protect the person I love from this terrible disease.” “I would just like to go on with my life, but I’d feel guilty about that.” |
| Lack of desire - may be caused by chemotherapy or hormone treatment | Poor body image. Feeling unattractive or not sexual. Poor relationship history. | Poor relationship history. Lack of communication with the partner |
| Lack of trust - medical establishment, breaking trust | “My doctor did not tell me about the consequences/side effects of the treatment/medication. He/she did not discuss what happens to sexuality after treatment.” “My body has let me down.” Not feeling safe in the relationship. | Similar to patient |
| Pessimism | “Nothing ever goes right for me.” “He won’t like if he sees I have only one breast.” | “Nothing ever goes right for me.” |
| Rejected or anticipating rejection | “He can’t stand me because I have only one breast.” “The lumpectomy/hysterectomy scar will turn him off.” | “If I touch her, she’ll pull away.” “I think my wife is having an affair because we have not made love in months." |
| Relief |
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