© 2011 Ralph Alterowitz & Barbara Alterowitz
The emotions you or your partner may feel might be expressed in many ways. Table 5 presents seven negative ways you or your partner may express feelings. If you recognize that these behaviors are starting to develop, you may be able to take corrective action.
Table 5: Patient and Partner Negative Actions
| Action | Cancer Patient | Partner |
| Alienation | Negative feelings result in alienating behavior that further reinforces negative feelings. | Partner feels isolated, shut out, and rejected. Partner may have negative feelings about self. “You don’t have to feel paranoid.” |
| Avoidance (both partners may take this action) | Refuses to communicate and interact. Does not know how to start talking. | No intimate interaction. Does not know how to start talking. Tiptoes around the issues. |
| Conflict | Conflict predating the cancer. Sometimes the patient has the burden of getting the partner to be supportive and intimate. This can lead to conflict. | Conflict predating the cancer. Pushing the patient to talk and to cooperate. Can lead to conflict. |
| Rejection (active or passive) | Rejects intimacy, rejects interactions with others. May find reasons to criticize and reject partner in order to avoid intimacy. | In some cases, the partner rejects interactions with the patient. |
| Repression - automatic restraint of drives & urges; a means for dealing with anxiety | Dealing with irreconcilable desires. | Wants to encourage partner to talk and engage in even simple intimacy - but does not. May be related to interpretation of role in the marriage. |
| Suppression - willful restraint of drives and urges. | Patient suppresses the need to talk with partner and/or touch and be touched. “This is my problem to solve.” | Partner, concerned about upsetting patient, does not bring up important issues, e.g., intimacy, patient’s feelings and needs, personal needs, family issues. |
| Withdrawal | Partial or total withdrawal due to feelings of inadequacy e.g., body image, feeling less of a woman. | Concern re: making the partner feel inadequate or fear of rejection by the partner. |
© 2011 Ralph Alterowitz & Barbara Alterowitz
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