been so lucky. The news too frequently contains tragic stories involving young drivers. The challenge is how to get them through their first years unscathed. After age 18, the odds begin to improve—though slowly.
In the United States, teens can obtain drivers’ licenses at a younger age than in most other industrialized nations. In fact, in 42 states, teens can obtain learner’s permits under age 16—including eight that actually allow kids under 15 to begin learning. Ten states do not require supervised instruction of any kind, though the other 40 wisely have installed graduated licensing.
Such thoughts were uppermost in my mind when I taught my own children to drive. Unlike my youth—in rural Western Pennsylvania, where a childhood friend and I learned the nuances of a standard transmission in an ancient Studebaker, bumping over fields and little-traveled dirt roads—the vast majority of us today live in densely-populated areas, where main arteries are multi-laned highways with speed limits of 65 miles an hour or more.
It’s unfortunate, but we cannot rely solely on driver-education classes or commercial driving schools to inculcate our children. Year after year, school programs are subjected to funding cutbacks and they are not nearly thorough enough. Likewise, even the best commercial instructors can’t teach everything.
Most state driving exams tend to concentrate on rules and regulations. They require very little in the way of real driving skills. Parallel parking seems to be a major component, for instance. License requirements remain as undemanding as they were years and years ago, when the volume of motor vehicle traffic was only a fraction of what it is now. In my own state, Virginia, the driver’s manual devotes only a dozen pages to safe driving techniques. Clearly, state governments and local school districts are, by and large, not providing the ideal instructional environment where driving is concerned.
These are not very satisfactory circumstances, but there is a remedy: Do what I did. Teach your child yourself. I know it might sound daunting. After all, turning a gangly, sassy, otherwise normal teenager into a skilled and responsible driver, who can maneuver up to two tons of vehicle safely in traffic, in all kinds of weather, is no casual activity.
On the other hand, it can be done. It requires two essential ingredients: dedication and time. Any parent who is willing to give both can become the best possible instructor.
This book is meant to help you do just that. It encompasses everything I have learned in more than 12 years of writing about the process. It is structured to help anyone who is willing to take on the task. It is a common-sense approach, intended to provide you with the basic information you need to teach your child well.
It also is a developmental, step-by-step approach. You begin simply and proceed carefully through increasingly complex tasks. The student masters each set of skills before moving on. You don’t need the expertise of a race-car driver to provide a firm foundation. Even at highway speeds, the basic skills described herein can produce a safe and competent driver, if they are practiced consistently and given time to develop.
Time is the critical factor. How much time? A lot—at least 100 hours—but there are many ways to approach this task. It doesn’t have to be overwhelming. For one thing, you can tailor the instruction to fit your schedule. For another, no matter what you do, your child’s mind and body will need time to develop and mature. The lessons must be absorbed. Habits take time to appear. This is something you should not hurry, and some of the instruction can—and should—continue after the license is obtained.
That’s right. There are aspects of driving that shouldn’t be attempted too early. The basic skills must be ingrained before more complex tasks are undertaken. You need to approach the time requirement the same way you approach the lessons: Go step by step.
Do what you can when you can. If you have an hour or so each day to devote to lessons, then set aside that time and work with your teen every day. If you can work on this only a couple of times a week, that can be a valid approach, too.
However you structure it, commit to the overall process. Commit to the idea that you will teach your child. Then, everything else becomes detail and variation.
Consider also that this can be a pleasant and valuable experience. It can allow you to return briefly to being the center of your teen’s attention. Imagine, being out in public without the complaining! That’s what happens when a teen gets to sit in the driver’s seat.
I remember vividly the times when I taught my two daughters. Right away, I noticed they began exhibiting a strange mellowing quality. It wasn’t a giant swing, by any means, but I had become accustomed to constant and vigorous resistance about so many things—parties, dating, music, clothing—that my nerves had been rubbed raw enough to be sensitive to the change.
As we progressed through the weeks and months of the instruction, there was a definite shift in our relationships. My girls stopped being so defensive, and I began to regard them as young adults instead of children.
Most of the time, we had fun together. It was a welcome change, and it can work for you. It can become a time of renewed bonding between you and your teen. It can help you adjust to your child’s growing sense of independence, presenting your youngster with an opportunity to demonstrate maturity and judgment.
Remember also that driving is not just a process of skills, but also of values, such as courtesy, common sense and even helpfulness. Teaching your child to drive can be a very effective way to communicate such values. Above all, it can give your young driver a better chance on the highways and make him or her less of a danger to anyone else. That’s something worth all the time in the world.
INTRODUCTION FOR TEENS
If you want to drive well, you’re going to need good skills, but this book is about more than that. It’s also meant to encourage you to adopt a good attitude about driving—an attitude that’s environmentally and socially conscious as well as safe.
Believe me, good attitude is even more important than good skills. That’s because good attitude will always help you avoid situations that your skills, no matter how sharp, can’t overcome.
Over the years, you may have gotten used to seeing driving portrayed in a certain way—in the movies, for example, or in car commercials. You know what I mean. You’ll see drivers roaring down roads—or, in the case of sport-utility vehicles, literally tearing up the landscape. The actors in the commercials are attractive young adults. Maybe the featured vehicle is a convertible or has a sunroof. Rock music blares on the soundtrack.
A European carmaker once ran an ad on TV, in which a young woman careens through the streets of a city in her little red coupe, commenting that she needs to cut down on caffeine. Another ad by the same carmaker showed a pair of young parents and their small kids, also zooming down a road, leaving dust in their wake. Many other manufacturers employ the same tactics. The message is clear: Buy our car so you can drive fast and be cool. No traffic, no worries!
Behavior like that has consequences, however, not just in terms of life and limb. Aggressive driving causes more pollution, noise, wear and tear on the vehicle, erosion of the pavement and the land, and danger to animal life as well as human. Put those glamorous images out of your mind. They don’t represent the reality of the roadways.
I’d like you to think about this a little before you begin your instruction. I’d like you to do something as well. If you can, take a walk near a busy highway, such as on an overpass of a freeway—anywhere there is a lot of traffic. Then spend some time watching all the vehicles go by. Listen to the amount of noise the traffic produces. Notice how relentless the procession is, and be aware of the effect just being near all that traffic is having on you.
Not
