There seems to be a widespread attitude of resignation among parents: Let the kids have their licenses, ready or not, and hope for the best. In most cases, nothing dramatic or tragic happens. Maybe there’s a fender-bender or two, but no worse. Good fortune wins over good sense.
I am convinced this is not a sound approach. Too many children are harmed because they simply do not understand how much power they are attempting to control when they get behind the wheel. Or, they have not been trained properly, so they put themselves into situations they cannot overcome when things go wrong. Or, as so many kids do, they think they cannot be harmed, so despite the skills they have learned they do harm themselves—and often their passengers.
That’s the key thing to remember here: Most of the time, nothing happens, but when something does, either it’s too late to help or the young driver’s skills are insufficient. Usually, it’s both. Yet good driving habits are surprisingly easy to learn; they simply must be practiced, repeatedly. They also must be accompanied by good judgment, which takes time to develop.
Most important, driving skills cannot be used properly unless they are reflexive. You can’t think about evasive actions while you’re executing them. It takes too long. When needed, skills must be automatic, and they can become automatic only by practicing them, over and over, for months and months and months.
There is no other way.
Think of playing a musical instrument. You can’t sit down at the piano and perform like an expert right away. It takes lots and lots of time to read the music, to learn technique, to strengthen the muscles guiding the hands and the fingers, to develop senses of rhythm and emphasis. When you learn to play a melody, you no longer think about the individual notes. Instead, your fingers feel the sequence. They move faster than you can think. The skill displayed by playing well is performed by a different part of the brain than conscious thinking.
Driving works the same way. If you had to think about every single thing you were doing, you’d be tense constantly and you’d become fatigued quickly. For example, whenever you drive through thick fog or rain or snow, particularly at night, you tend to search every foot of the road almost frantically for a sudden obstruction or change. Time seems to slow down. It takes forever to go anywhere. Your muscles tense. Your heart rate elevates. You have a general feeling of unease. After a brief time, you become very tired.
On the other hand, in clear weather with good visibility on a familiar roadway, you are at ease. You don’t exert conscious effort. Just like playing a well-practiced tune on the piano, you drive automatically. It’s second nature.
With this in mind, I argue that it’s impossible for someone who has just turned 16 to possess good driving skills. There has not been enough time for those skills to appear, and if a teenager doesn’t have good skills, what is he or she doing on the road? This is why I think all parents must decide, not whether their teen is ready to drive at 16, but whether he or she is ready to learn to drive.
In my own case, I faced a different situation with each of my daughters. One was ready at 16—to learn. She was a bright kid, level-headed, mature for her age. She possessed the mental discipline needed to learn the rules of the road quickly. She could focus her attention and listen carefully. She had excellent hand-eye coordination. She had been a ballet dancer. She was a fair athlete.
Shortly after her 16th birthday we visited the DMV and acquired her learner’s permit. About six months later, after almost daily instruction and practice, she obtained her license.
My other daughter presented me with a difficult dilemma. She, too, was very bright, as well as compassionate, caring and much fun to be with, but there were certain things, during that stage of her development, that worried me: She was late frequently. She had trouble staying organized both in her schoolwork and in her personal life. She also was somewhat forgetful, and she was a little uncoordinated when she played sports.
None of these things was serious, and all are common traits in a developing teen, but driving demands concentration and control. If my daughter’s physiological development didn’t yet meet the requirements of driving, in my judgment, then as a responsible parent I would have to make her wait. It wasn’t easy, because I knew it would hurt her feelings. Nevertheless, I did it. She didn’t obtain her license until after her 18th birthday.
As a consolation for the wait, I bought her a car, a 1975 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme, with a massive steel frame and 16-inch wheels—a tank. She learned to drive in this behemoth and kept it for a year after she obtained her license. During that time, she had three collisions, all minor but nevertheless her fault. She has had none in the years since, but had she been driving at a younger age, she might have had more.
The two-year delay became a trying time for both of us, but I remain convinced I made the right decision. I am grateful that her early mishaps were not more serious. I feel deeply for parents who have had to deal with the worst—and I have met several.
This is not to say everyone should be made to wait. It’s just that I want to encourage all parents with driving-age teens to approach this subject with care and contemplation. There may be no simple criteria for making this decision, but if you determine that your child is not ready, if he or she has not yet exhibited the necessary level of attention, maturity or self-discipline, then there is a simple answer. It is a two-word answer, very difficult to utter, but perhaps the most important, loving, caring words you can say: “Not yet.”
The Learner’s Permit
As already mentioned, not all states require supervised instruction before granting a driver’s license. My own recent Web search revealed that only one state—Oregon—requires the recommended 100 hours (50 if the teen has received driver’s ed.), and only 19 require 50 hours or more.
In other words, in the majority of states, there is no mandate that a young driver spend a reasonable amount of supervised time behind the wheel before attempting to obtain his or her license. Not surprising, almost all the states with the loosest licensing procedures have the highest crash rates for teens. Amazing to consider. All the more reason, then, to pursue a thorough instruction program of your own.
In addition, learner’s permit or not, it’s a good idea to obtain a driver’s manual from your state department of motor vehicles. Your teen should study it even before you both begin using the material in the next part of this book.
Before You Move the Vehicle
Teens typically are so anxious to begin driving that they don’t want to learn much about the contraption they will be using in their newfound freedom. Girls especially are averse to learning the details. As the father of two daughters, I can say this with authority, but it’s important to know the basics about an automobile or whatever vehicle will be driven. So, before the lessons begin, make sure your teen spends some time studying the machine.
No need for an extensive course; for one thing, few of us possess such knowledge these days. Modern vehicles are highly complex machines. All new ones carry much more onboard computer power than the Apollo spacecraft of the early ‘70s. Not much do-it-yourself maintenance is advisable anymore. Still, it’s useful to give youngsters an understanding of what’s under the hood, what does what, and which components require periodic checking. This all may seem obvious to you, but to most teens, everything is strange and new. So an introduction is in order.
In most models, the owner-maintenance components are clearly marked: the oil dipstick, transmission fluid dipstick, brake and power steering reservoirs, radiator expansion tank and windshield-washer fluid tank. Drive belts
