insight that he’d blow up uncontrollably— or his mental function may be so compromised he’d ‘wake up like a vegetable.’ Regardless Andrew relaxed into the table, enveloped in a peace that passed all the understanding that he’d ever known.
Andrew’s thoughts were drawn to his 96-year-old mother-in-law. A decade earlier, when Andrew’s sense of humour had exceeded her tolerance, she suggested that he should have his brain examined. Now, lying on the stretcher, Andrew mused that “With an elementary school education, she knew the diagnosis long before the ‘doctor-guy’ with the long list of letters behind his name and fifteen years in university.”
Andrew also contemplated his mother-in-law’s initial reaction to hearing that he had a brain tumor. “Andrew, you have not been listening to God.” He later wrote, “This was quite a remarkable insight which blurted out of her mouth automatically. Perhaps it was a blinding glimpse of the obvious to her; however, to me, that insightful chord struck deep. It was one that I listened to and that still lingers in my mind—often during my daily meditations.”
Andrew was willing to peer deeply into any situation, listen to every comment, and investigate it with an open heart and mind. Instead of being angry at his mother-in-law for a thoughtless comment, he thought about what he could learn from her way of thinking.
The surgeon started his saw. It made a terrible grinding sound like a powerful coffee blender. It took Andrew over a year before he was able to go into a coffee shop for fear of this terrible sound.
With his fingers deep in Andrew’s brain, the neurosurgeon asked Andrew if he was seeing anything unusual, trying to assess whether Andrew’s brain was being irritated by the manipulation. Suddenly, Andrew was pulled upwards and inwards all at once. He saw a beautiful purple/violet flame, an image that mysteriously appeared twice during the operation. He was no longer just in the 21st century; he stretched himself back in time more than two thousand years. The songs of wisdom passed down for generations echoed in his head: “Ezekiel saw a fire a-burning, way in the middle of the air … a fire within a circle of fire a-burning…”
His visions of a spiritual light reminded Andrew of his father-in-law, Arthur. As a young man, Arthur emigrated from Britain, farmed in Northern Ontario, and then served in World War II. Called to the ministry on his return, he brought his wife and three young daughters to Montreal, where he attended McGill University’s School of Divinity.
Arthur and his family were dirt poor but happy and thriving until he suddenly contracted meningitis and fell into a deep coma. His fellow divinity students organized an around-the-clock prayer vigil, praying to God to save this inspirational young man. Dr. Wilder Penfield, the pioneering neurosurgeon who first performed awake-craniotomies, the same procedure that Andrew was undergoing, was called in to try to save Arthur’s life. Penfield watched as Arthur’s body shrivelled, and two weeks later suggested that the family gather to say their last goodbyes.
Meanwhile, Arthur felt angels pulling him to heaven. He felt himself going through a tunnel with a brilliant array of colors that are not seen in this physical world. He felt such a profound sense of peace that he was sorry he had to return to this world. But he understood his time had not come and his work was not done.
The next morning Arthur was sitting up at his bedside eating breakfast. Dr. Penfield was dumfounded and called it a miracle. Arthur went on to serve others in the ministry for 47 years and had an enormous impact on many people. He had a deep love of nature, the earth, the planets, and the stars. He truly wondered about the magnitude of the sun, the sky, and how the universe came together. To him it was more than just idle chatter.
The same forces that hold the stars together and allow the grass to grow were working in Andrew’s body as he was wheeled to the recovery room, then in the car ride home later that same evening.
Andrew believes he thought about his father-in-law on the operating table because he was expecting a miracle as had happened to Arthur. His belief that his brain tumor happened for a purpose has not wavered. But the wait for the results and his experience over the next few months clouded over his faith in a bright future. It took two long weeks for the doctors to process the specimen from Andrew’s brain. The diagnosis: anaplastic oligodendroglioma, a rare but aggressive tumor affecting about 1 in 10,000 people with a cancer diagnosis. Andrew was completely beside himself when told that without further treatment he had perhaps a year to live.
Fortunately, another test showed that the tumor had a special genetic change (1p19q) that meant Andrew could be offered a new chemotherapy. Andrew is extremely grateful to the medical professionals who provided this state-of-the-art treatment and he quickly agreed to take the chemotherapy every month for a full year. His physical healing had begun.
But, everything in Andrew’s life had changed. He could no longer work. His ability to concentrate and think clearly was compromised. Even filling out insurance forms, something that would have been a snap just two months earlier, left him gritting his teeth in frustration. He was on edge, no longer able to hold up the mask of the competent consultant.
As a result of the seizure, he lost his driver’s license and was forced to be a passenger, a role he had never played in his previous life. Still agitated from hearing that he might have only a year to live, when he saw his wife make a lane change too quickly, he swore uncontrollably. “For *!#$* sake, Velma, what are you doing?” Thankfully, Velma could see how the stress of the situation and the damage to his brain was at the source of his emotional ups and downs. She could easily forgive Andrew the outbursts, for he was also more open emotionally. Velma says she loves Andrew even more the way he is now.
Andrew felt overwhelmed by multiple stressors in his life including sorting out all the issues in his house, the fear of the unknown, his anger, dealing with death, and making medical decisions when given conflicting information. Andrew reflects back on this dark period and says, “Sure I was fine. I slept like a baby…I’d wake up every few hours and cry.” He can laugh now, but he acknowledges that it took time to heal from a profound grief.
For months Andrew felt like he was being tossed in waves of emotional turbulence, but at the same time had an overwhelming sense that something much bigger than himself was buoying him up. He was working to be both proactive and willing to surrender, to re-learn how to trust in the journey and to accept his struggles.
His personal mantra throughout his journey has been “Pray as if it is up to God, but act as if it’s up to me” and as the poet Anthony Mizzi said, “Every problem offers new possibilities for something wonderful to happen.” Andrew is too busy looking at the door opening in front of him to be concerned about the one that has been shut behind.
So while receiving the best that modern Western medicine can deliver, Andrew did everything else he could to maximize his chances of recovery. He attended many counselling sessions, something he would never have considered a year before. He used his ‘beginner’s mind’ to follow his intuitions about what Eastern and other complementary medical approaches could offer. He changed his diet, exercised more, lost weight, allowed himself more sleep, began a daily meditation practice, became a Reiki Master, practiced Qi Gong—whatever made sense and felt right. In some sense he was going with the flow, and listening to God as his mother-in-law had suggested.
Andrew was led to Dr. Alastair Cunningham, an immunologist-turned-psychologist, who himself had undergone a spiritual transformation just before being diagnosed with an aggressive colon cancer. Dr. Cunningham created and ran the Healing Journey program at a university hospital in Toronto since 1980.
A study of Dr. Cunningham’s pioneering work showed that people like Andrew, who have been given an incurable diagnosis and who take a proactive and positive approach, often live longer than those who are only mildly interested in integrative care. Some of the study participants
