Whenever Burghley traveled out of London with the Queen, Edward was free to explore the house and its large estate. A keen rider, he spent much of this time in the saddle. By not standing on his rank, the Earl quickly made himself popular amongst the stable boys and grooms. Alerted to Edward's wanderings, Burghley appointed Hugh Brincknell, one of his household spies to watch him.
Every Sunday morning, the family and a small army of servants assembled under the Banquet Hall's carved hammer-beam roof. Here, Burghley's piety prevailed upon him to read several lengthy passages from his Bible. Few members of the household relished this pretentious ritual. The stable boys in particular tended to shift their feet around restlessly. Several even dared to look as if they'd rather be elsewhere.
Burghley's voice would gain momentum as the gospel took hold of him. At times, unable to contain himself, he would stalk up and down, gesticulating with his free hand, as if hammering home Biblical lessons to an appreciative audience of thousands.
Like everyone else, Edward was obliged to attend this spectacle. Unlike the others, he viewed it with an actor's eye, as a performance to be mimicked.
-:-:-
Although Burghley preferred to conduct official business from the Lord Chamberlain's Building, he also met secretly with spies at Burghley House. One of his most trusted court contacts was the flirty Phoebe Holwick. A maid of honor to Queen Elizabeth, Phoebe was tall with wide hips and a husky voice.
One Sunday, following the morning reading, Burghley met with Phoebe in his paneled office at Burghley House.
"Phoebe, of all my many titles and positions, I think Master of the Royal Wards may yet prove the most profitable. I want you to find me more orphaned children from among the old nobility."
"You intend to house more royal wards?"
"Precisely."
"But, I thought you detested your ward. Last week, you told me that he was 'Satan's spawn.'"
"Oxford's an impudent brat, but the liberal neglect with which he treats his own riches are more than adequate compensation."
"The young Earl may be filling your purse now milord, but what happens when he realizes his holdings have been diverted to your accounts? Won't he make trouble?"
"Like any true nobleman, Oxford has no patience with financial matters. Last year, he spent a king's ransom on clothes alone."
"With your tailors, I trust."
"Of course, Phoebe. An Earl must always look his best, even if he's only rotting in the bookroom."
They both laughed.
"You can trust your middlemen?"
"Self-made, one and all. They hate the old families as much as you and I hate them."
"Although he neglects his accounts, Oxford's no fool. Even he's bound to notice when all his money's gone."
"Before he assumes his majority, I'll dispatch him to fight somewhere. If England's enemies don't kill him, some battlefield pestilence will."
"Best do it before he can marry and father an heir."
"Of course, Phoebe. Now, what other rich families have fatherless children in need of firm guidance?"
"Well, I've heard whispers that old Lord Somerset..."
Phoebe broke off as Hugh Brincknell hurried into the study.
"Beggin' your pardon, milord..." Burghley rendered the man silent with a raised hand.
"Excuse us, Phoebe. We'll continue this next week."
"Of course, milord," said Phoebe. She curtseyed and left.
"The stables, milord."
-:-:-
Brincknell led his master to the stables. Peeping inside, the Lord Chamberlain saw Edward busily imitating Burghley's morning reading, much to the delight of 20 or so stable boys. Red-faced with anger, Burghley stepped into the stables.
Edward had his back to the stable door so, unlike his horrified audience, he failed to notice the Lord Chamberlain's entrance. Holding an open Bible, the Earl raised a leg high in parody of Burghley's restless pacing. Losing his balance, he staggered backwards and toppled over a bale of hay. The Bible flew from Edward's hand, sailed through the air and landed at Burghley's feet.
Those near the back took advantage of this brief distraction to slip quietly out of the stable's rear door. Clambering back to his feet, Edward surveyed the depleted audience. Stable boys struggled to conceal their emotions. Turning, Edward glanced over his shoulder towards the stable door and Burghley's wrathful gaze.
"Edward, I'd like a word with you in my office, now. The rest of you, attend to your duties!" As the stable boys scrambled for exits, Burghley scooped up Edward's Bible, carefully dusted it off and carried the leather-bound volume out of the stable.
-:-:-
The battered Bible lay on Burghley's desk like an exhibit at a trial. Edward stood beside the desk, watching as the Lord Chamberlain paced the room.
"You were encouraging common stable boys to laugh at me!"
"It was just a comic act..."
"Now I'm fully aware that you think yourself above those who have earned their lands by effort not birth..."
"'Twas only an entertainment..."
"Don't interrupt me!" Burghley bellowed. "Do you have any idea of the agonies awaiting those who make sport of the Holy Scriptures, Edward?"
Undaunted, the young Earl spoke up, "I meant no harm..."
"It's blasphemy! And throwing the Bible around is sacrilegious! But two sins are not enough for you. Oh, no. You have to add the stench of mockery!"
"The Bible was an accident."
"You were ridiculing England's Lord Chamberlain in front of his own servants. That's flagrant insubordination. Left unchecked, it promises a complete end to discipline in this household. I'm sure you realize that an example must be made, Edward?"
"They were laughing at me, not you..."
"Don't argue, Edward. I saw them with my own eyes."
"It was done in jest."
"I almost thank Almighty God that your father is dead and has been spared the sight of his son..."
Edward launched himself at the man's throat. Stepping back with surprising agility, Burghley swung his right hand in a wide arc. His open palm slammed into Edward's left cheek with a powerful slap. Edward was knocked sprawling to the floor. Burghley stepped forward and stood over the boy, his fists knotted menacingly. Rubbing his cheek, Edward scrambled into a sitting position. He looked up at the tall figure, defiantly.
"And now you dare to add outrageous assault to your long list of transgressions..."
Edward's
