strategies in this book and are beginning to see positive gains, it may or may not be appropriate to tell your boss. Consider the benefits of disclosing:
•Will it allow you to use certain strategies or tools within the workplace to enhance your productivity and success?
•Are you required by law to disclose your condition or treatments you may be taking?
Living in quiet confidence means you have your internal house in order, understand your condition, and are beginning to apply the strategies you need to be successful.
Focus on the gifted aspects of ADHD
Creativity, spontaneity, controlled impulses, outgoing personality, energy, and intelligence are all characteristics of someone with ADHD. Often these may be hidden from view due to a number of factors that we will discuss in this book. Remember, they are within your grasp and are positive aspects of ADHD.
Key idea from this strategy
With the diagnosis of ADHD often follows the stigma of “what will others think?” This is a process to help you achieve your potential in all aspects of your life: better relationships with others, better performance at work, and being more successful as a parent and partner are all within your grasp. Accepting that you, or someone you love, has ADHD is a major step in this process.
Strategy 2
Ask Who is Pointing the Finger
For children, it’s primarily their teachers who point the finger and say something is wrong with them. In extreme cases, parents may be the first to notice that their child isn’t like others. For young adults in senior high school or university, it is parents who will point the finger, saying school performance isn’t what it should be. Sometimes during the early college or university years, the bottom falls out and the student fails. For older adults, it is usually the spouse, or in some cases the employer, who points the finger. Let’s look at each one of these and what you need to know before you listen to the “experts.”
Children and teachers
Despite what you may think, teachers get into their profession because they want to help children. Some do think of the summers off, the salary and benefits, but the demands in the classroom require the profession to only keep passionate, dedicated, hard-working teachers. Unions have somewhat diluted that concept, so the few incompetent, uncaring, and unprofessional ones are kept in the classroom. This becomes a problem if your child with ADHD is in a class with such a teacher.
The real issue when a teacher tells you they think your child has ADHD is their lack of training to make that determination.
I attended teachers college in 1978 to earn my bachelor’s degree in education, a process that took a grand total of eight months, and then ten weeks in a real classroom. You need more hands-on training in Ontario to be a butcher, hair stylist, plumber, or electrician.
When I graduated from Michigan State University in 1988 with my Ph.D., I went back to teachers college to teach the teachers. I needed the money after spending two years as an adult student with two young children. At that time, taking my class in school psychology, or educational psychology, was an option, which meant that you could graduate teachers college without any knowledge of giftedness, special education, or ADHD. While the length of time in the classroom for hands-on training has improved over the years, the lack of formal training regarding ADHD continues.
Teachers have no business diagnosing ADHD. If a principal tells you that your child needs to be on medication to attend his or her school, they are overstepping their authority and possibly breaking the law.
Teachers can provide you with valuable information on what they are seeing in the classroom, on the playground, or in the gym, but that is it. Ask your child’s teacher to become involved in the data gathering and observation stage of the assessment process, but only consider the information provided as 5 percent of what you need to help with a proper diagnosis. Some teachers report behavior that is consistent with what they think about your child, your family, and your socioeconomic status. Take anything they tell you with a grain of salt.
You, the parent
You know your child. You watch them at play, in church or synagogue, in sports, the band, dance class, at meals, with their friends or siblings, and on trips. You understand what they are doing, how they learn, and perhaps some alarm bells are ringing. You aren’t sure, but think something may be wrong.
That is all you need. I call that the parental instinct. It’s a feeling. You want to know answers, and want to make sure everything is fine.
You need to listen to those instincts and feelings. If someone else is pointing the finger, take that seriously, because even if nothing is going on, even if your child does not have ADHD, they will treat your child differently—unless you can prove they are wrong. Often in my practice we help parents and educators understand that a child may be gifted, or have a specific learning disability, as well as other challenges that have nothing to do with ADHD. At other times, we find evidence that supports the diagnosis, but that is also a relief because a plan of success can be developed. Your job as a parent is to do everything you can to help your child.
Your college-aged child may prove to be a special challenge. Many still feel the stigma of being diagnosed with ADHD, and this fear will stop them from getting help. My son Joshua, the co-author of this book, talks candidly about his experiences in the final chapter. Providing support and coaching for the challenges that your child is facing may be the first step in getting them help.
While it is important to know the actual diagnosis as the first step in getting the right approach, coaching and counseling can help your adult child break through their perceived stigma, and understand that a comprehensive assessment is the first step.
Spouse or partner
Undiagnosed ADHD can be a threat to any relationship because the behavior and perceived disinterest is interpreted by the non-ADHD spouse as a lack of interest in the relationship and person, as a lack of commitment, and a personal attack. Once diagnosed, proper strategies can be developed to help both partners understand and take care of these issues. I have included the Severity Scale for Adult ADHD in the appendix of this book for your review. Do the survey and see if further assessment or evaluation would be helpful.
Your employer
You are having a hard time at work. It is difficult to focus, to concentrate, to organize your day. You find yourself self-medicating, using coffee or other over-the-counter products and high energy drinks to keep your edge. You tire and bore easily. Employer’s often point the finger by saying performance is declining. Missing deadlines or a disorganized work area may be an initial clue.
| Anger management issues, or open frustrations expressed inappropriately, may also be a sign of undiagnosed ADHD |
Just like the child on the playground, adult ADHD is often only suggested when a crisis is present. Problems at an office party, on a sales trip, in a staff meeting, or an inappropriate confrontation with a co-worker may all result in a referral for diagnosis.
From pointing
