huge diamond representing my heart and a golden crown with rubies and diamonds which I knew represented my crown chakra. Once again, I was shocked and deeply moved. The feeling in the moment was like the “prodigal son returning home” – not to wrath and punishment but to love and celebration. Again at a much deeper level, I realized that I was the one who pushed these deep feeling and sensing parts of me aside. I had closed them off due to doubt, lack of trust and the fear of being wrong as well as hurt. These aspects had been “kept” for me until I was ready to take them back – until I could Forgive myself. Amazing.
I walked out of the labyrinth in a state of awe. (I think my mouth may have been hanging open!) I felt a familiar pang of doubt and “this is ridiculous” but I quickly shut it down. I will no longer entertain such nonsense. I have been incredibly unhappy because I refused to take a stand in what I know to be true. I refused to trust my own knowings because what I knew wasn’t reflected in my everyday life. The façade was too strong and firmly embedded. Those days are done.
Sunday, July 03, 2011
Labyrinth #6: The Mercy Center – Auburn, CA
As of yesterday, I decided I would visit the labyrinth at The Mercy Center in Auburn. However, I awoke this morning in great resistance. It was already hot at 7:30, I felt physically tired and I wasn’t even sure the retreat would be open to visitors today. (Whine, Whine, Whine) I tried calling the center but no one answered…did I really want to drive all that way and not be able to get in?! I then remembered that today was petal number 6 – Overcoming - and decided I had better get my behind in the car! As I stated already, I had enormous resistance! (Intensity-wise, the feeling was equivalent to the resistance I feel when I think about going back to work on Tuesday!) I checked-in with myself one more time about driving the 55 miles to Auburn and felt a “yes,” so off I went! I am practicing T-R-U-S-T! (I can spell it so that’s a start!)
The drive to Auburn was smooth and uneventful. When I reached the retreat center and entered the grounds, I almost broke into tears. The feeling of the Mother’s love was so tangible. I felt like I wanted to just sit and soak it in. In moments and places like this, time stops and you experience wholly the love that is Source-Consciousness-God.
I gathered my things and walked to the Center’s main office seeing only a couple of people. The sign on the door stated that a “silent” retreat was in progress. I couldn’t find anyone to ask about the labyrinth or to ask permission, so I decided to go ahead and see if I could find it. The grounds are spotted with various statues which depict the Divine Feminine. As I walked, the feeling of love was all around me, saturating my being. I finally saw the labyrinth on the other side of a little bridge surrounded by trees.
Upon reaching the labyrinth, I sat on one of the benches, gathered my thoughts and set my intent. As I circled the labyrinth, I began to cry (This had already happened spontaneously several times since entering the grounds.). The love was so palpable….and the Mother was indeed present. This was an incredible feeling and experience of divine love and grace. I remember saying to myself, “This is what I want to come home to each and every day.
Upon entering the labyrinth, I immediately “saw” the Mother’s blue – outlined in gold. The center was bordered by a blue circle which contained a symbol like the trinity symbol (related to the vesica piscis) and gold clouds on a blue background – very powerful. The petals were not outlined but I “connected” with each one anyway and focused on number 6 – Overcoming. I knew I had been experiencing the meaning of this petal all day! The temptation to “ignore the call” is too easy and too natural for most of us. We have to be vigilant in fulfilling our desire to remain in alignment and to follow the guidance of our Higher Consciousness. We have to “Overcome” the distractions which are all based in fear. We have to know that facing uncomfortable situations is many times part of our pathway to freedom. In Overcoming these possible destiny blockers, we transcend the façade and find ourselves in LOVE.
As I made my way out of the labyrinth, I continued to bask in the Mother’s love. I would catch myself “thinking” and quickly remind myself that I don’t need to think – I just needed to TRUST. I don’t need to understand or plan every move. Whatever I need to know, will “drop-in” to my consciousness when it’s needed.
As I left the labyrinth area, I saw a sign for the “Way of the Cross” (Stations of the Cross). I hesitated for a moment and then decided to take the path which disappeared into the trees and foliage. I stopped at each depiction and wrote a sentence or two regarding what the “scene” felt like. When I arrived at station V, I heard a rather loud rustling in the bushes. When I turned around, I saw a several pointed buck about 20 yards away! I checked-in with myself as to which direction to go and found myself heading back toward the entry! When I was outside the area, I asked myself again if perhaps I should have kept going…I got a definite “No.” - which was followed by “No need to repeat.” [in regard to the Stations of the Cross] I laughed out loud! Isn’t that the truth!
I went back to the main office but still saw no one to chat with. All I could do was leave a donation and a heart-felt “thank you!” This had been an incredible experience – one I might have missed if I had given-in to the “trio of distracters” I heard from this morning!
Monday, July 04, 2011
Labyrinth #7 – Episcopal Church of St. Martin – Davis, CA
WOW! An incredible day and an incredible journey! I had a feeling when I started this process, it was going to be quite an experience. As you may recall, I said at the end of Day 1 that I felt a good “rear-end-kicking” coming on. (No offense to those with more “tender” ears!) I was definitely correct! Sometimes you have to “boot” your rear end out of the way so you can see and experience Truth. I give thanks to those “unseen’s” assisting me with the “booting” - though the “kick” was firm, the toe of the boot felt rounded!
Today, I returned “home” to the labyrinth in which I started. It was an emotional return as I am so very grateful for the life-transforming experiences I have had. Adding to the emotional intensity is the fact that today is Independence Day. Those close to me know that the Declaration of Independence is practically “hardwired” into my Soul. It is Truth. As Ayn Rand said, “If it is ever proper for men to kneel, we should kneel when we read the Declaration of Independence… the greatest document in human history…” (Los Angeles Times - July 3, 2011). I am in complete agreement. When we are in the presence of Truth, it is almost impossible not to “take a knee.” This being said, the fact that it is Independence Day is the perfect ending and commentary for my journey.
Before entering the labyrinth at the Church of St. Martin, I sat beneath the redwoods and listened to Karen Drucker’s (CD: Songs of the Spirit 4© TayToones Music BMI and www.karendrucker.com) “Morning Prayer: I Will Surrender” followed by “I’m So Grateful.” In recognition of the “miraculous” nature of my experience, my emotions did indeed manifest in tearful sobs…
I began by “opening” the labyrinth stating my gratitude for what I had received as well as for my return “home.” I entered the pathway in absolute joy. The labyrinth “twinkled” with the colors of the rainbow – the bright colors constantly moving and popping. There was nothing steadfast; it was alive with excitement and joy. I heard myself repeating over and over as I held my heart, “I am so grateful…I am so grateful…” I am so grateful for what I have received this week. I have renewed my connection with Trust - now aware that Trust means following my inner guidance no matter the ramifications and Overcoming the fears that may block my way. I now recognize the opportunity that lies before me which requires me to bring this Truth into manifestation each and every day.
When I reached the center, I spent just enough time in each petal
