“What is ‘GI,’ Howard?”
“Oh, ‘GI’? That’s what we call people from Gary, Indiana. Everybody knows GI are bad and from a dangerous place. GI has many gangsters.”
“I didn’t know Gary had many gangsters. I heard many bad accidents but was not aware of many gangsters.”
“Man, you don’t know Gary and Hammond yet. A lot of inmates are from Hammond and Gary. I know how bad Gary and Hammond are. I met a lot of bad boys from Gary when I was at the boys’ school. They were bad and did not have any respect,” he said as if he had some respect.
My curiosity about him was piqued by the way he talked. I decided to know and learn about his life as a young black American. I did not know how to ask him first so I hesitated, and then proceeded to ask anyway. “Why are you here? What did you do wrong? You said you are seventeen years old,” I asked as if these were routine questions.
“Man, it’s because of my bad habits. I have been drinking too much. Because of drinking, I have been in and out the jail several times, so most policemen know me. Last week, I got in a fight with one bum on the street and the neighbor called the police. When the police arrived, I was totally out and lay on the ground,” he said while popping smoke rings in the air.
“When the police took me in jail, the judge said, because now I am of legal age, before sentencing he ordered me to get a psychological evaluation. I believe the psychologist will see me tomorrow, and then I have to go back to jail. The judge will sentence me, but I don’t know how much time he will give this time. I know I got to control drinking,” he said gently and showed his angst by twisting his body for a second.
Because Howard was smoking damn much, it bothered my nose, so immediately I felt like sneezing. He said he was seventeen, but the way he talked, he looked over twenty years old. Suddenly his age distracted my thinking very much. I wanted to find out why he became an alcoholic and a product of the boys’ school.
Following the lunch chow, he sat on my bed and began to tell me about his street life. He gave me insights into his life and of how and why he became an alcoholic and a bad boy.
He said he started to drink at age ten. His mother lived with a boyfriend and used to bring home a lot of beers. They drank all the time in the house, so Howard had a chance to have a taste of beer. When he drank a little bit, he liked the taste, and then he began to touch the beer often while his mother was gone. While listening to his stories, something hit my brain.
“You did not go to school?” I quickly asked.
“Yeah, I went to school. From when I was eleven, as soon as I came back from school, I drank.”
“Your mother does not know you drink?’
“No, she never intended to know how I was doing at home. She was not home most of the time. I was living with her boyfriend and he did not work. He was drinking always and doing nothing but watching TV. Anyhow, he did not care whether I drank or not. When my mother came home from work, they went out together and returned late so I used to stay home alone.”
“Don’t you know where they went?”
“Well, when they come home I am in bed.”
“Where does she work?”
“I don’t know exactly where. She goes to work before I go to school. They used to go out when my mom comes home and then they’d come home late. So, this last time out, I drank a couple of beers then fell in asleep.”
“You did not have any friend who could play some kind of sports like football or basketball?”
“No, man, I did not like kids my age. When I was in middle school, I began to venture outside and fool around with older boys. They were in high school or were high school dropouts. They treated me well so I began to associate with older boys.”
“By the way, who takes care of you, like with cooking and clothing?”
“No one, but I pretty much know how to take care of myself, something I learned in elementary school.”
“Did your mom cook for you?”
“Hardly, but she always brought lots of hot dogs and frozen foods. I used to heat them up and eat them while watching TV.”
“Do you not have any brother or sister?”
“Nope, I am the only child. She never said she had kids before and I never asked her either.”
“Do you live in the apartment or house?”
“We live in a two-bedroom apartment.”
“You said you did not have a friend, then how did you spend your days in the room?”
“Well, I usually watched TV and read all kinds of magazines. I began to learn the adult life from those adult magazines that were brought by her boyfriend. In the meantime, I learned a lot about sex and adult life from my mom. I caught them having sex on the floor by accident often. I was very much exposed to the sex even when I was a child.”
“How old were you when you started to feel sex urges?”
“I was twelve. Their sex sounds irritated my ears first, but later the sounds gave me pleasure, and then I began to look for sex.”
“What did you do when you feel like having sex?”
“I’d just lie down and play with my dick.”
“It gave you pleasure?”
“Yeah, it did. Then whenever I heard my mom scream, I imagined I was having sex with her. Sometimes it drove me crazy so I went out and drank. From then on, I used to drink more and more, because she screamed all the time.”
I understood what made him drink that much at his age, but still I could not understand how he became preoccupied with sexuality even at the age of twelve. I studied the psychology but it did not make me understand his physiological and mental approach to the sexual phases. I was very interested when I heard his stories of sexual arousal at the age of twelve. However, I was glad I had been able to learn about young American boys’ psychology. I had learned a long time ago that American boys, especially blacks, are more sexually predisposed because of their genes, and now I was hearing the sexology by an actual person at such young age.
Since I heard his stories, I began to think I was looking at a wild monster in the cell. I digested his stories although it distracted my mind, yet I knew how the living environment and atmosphere usually can lead young boys and girls into adverse directions in their lives. According to the conditions and situations around him, where and how he had been living, I believed, it made him adopt and commit many bad things from his early life. I was surprised by his many other stories and amazed at how he survived.
When he lit up his cigarette, he continued.
“When I got into middle school, I began to venture with old boys on the street. I learned all kind of tricks and bad things from them. They drank all the time too. I joined them.”
“How’s the drug?”
“I did not like drugs. When I tried
