been ready.” Letting her words sink in, Solange sipped the hot tea. The two women sat in silence for a while.
“It’s so hard Mum, every little step I take forward I feel guilty.” Chilli shook her head. “I don’t want Rob to think that I am forgetting him.” Her chin quivered, and nervously she rubbed her hands together.
“I know dear, but do you honestly think that he would want you to suffer? I’ve never seen a man adore a woman more than he adored you. You have to go forward, not only yourself but for Sam too. He’s got such huge shoes to walk in and I see him trying.” She sighed heavily. “He worries about you, and all the while he’s grieving himself.” Solange leant across and patted Chilli’s hand.
“I know, I know. This trip will be perfect. It’ll give Sam a break from worrying about me, on top of everything else. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.” Refilling her mother’s cup, she changed the subject. “But, why now? You’ve never wanted to go before.”
Solange took a moment before speaking.
“I knew one day I would have this chat with you and I could never envision when it would be. But now, I think that the timing is right for me to tell you.”
Chilli watched her mother’s face as she struggled to find the right words.
Finally Solange began to explain. “I know that it was no secret to you that my mother and I had a fairly strained relationship.” She paused momentarily and looked down, squeezed her hands together and then continued. “When I was a teenager, I found a wedding certificate that showed that my mother was pregnant before my parents married.” Solange pursed her lips and a momentary flicker of sadness crossed her face.
“Well, that seems to run in the family,” Chilli stated a little dryly. “It’s not exactly the end of the world Mum. I know that times were different then but…”
Solange put her hand up. “Chilli, hear me out.” She paused. “I had always known that my father hadn’t known my mother long before they married, in fact the truth is they only knew each other briefly. The man I knew as my father was not my father. Some other man was.”
“Goodness!” Chilli stopped with her fork half way to her mouth. “Do you think that Grandpa knew?”
Slowly Solange nodded. “Yes, he did. I had a terrible row with my mother and I can’t even tell you everything that happened, it was so long ago. I think I have blocked a lot of it out. But I know that not only did I hurt my mother, I hurt my father as well. That, I will never forget. Really, he rescued my mother, and I think that it was love at first sight for him. I strongly believe that she learnt to love him, but I know that she didn’t in the beginning. We had such a strained relationship for so long, it was dreadful.” Solange’s eyes were downcast and she was playing with a thread on her napkin.
Never had Chilli seen this side of her mother and was quite stunned with the revelation. “I always knew that things were unusual between you two, but I was never sure why. You seemed to have a better relationship though in the later years of Grand-mere’s life, didn’t you?” she asked, still trying to absorb what her mother had told her.
Solange nodded. “Yes, we did. Finally, she felt she was able to talk to me and explain everything. The older you get the more you mellow, the more you understand that mistakes are made and you have to forgive and get on with living. My poor mother spent her whole life, never recovering from a broken heart, living with a man who loved her more than she loved him, and her daughter being angry with her. I now know she did the best she knew at the time.”
“Did you find out anything at all about your real father?”
“A little. Your grandmother told me enough for me to know that it was her first love and she loved him very much. His name was Jean Pierre...”
Chilli interrupted. “Oh Mum, I can’t believe it, now it makes sense. Do you remember years ago when Rob bought Kitty home? I rang Grand-mere Celeste to tell her, and quite frankly, I thought she was rather odd. She asked me to name the little pug Jean Pierre because it was a lovely name. She said that she had once known someone by that name, and would like to hear it again. I thought the old darling was getting old and a little mixed up. Obviously she was more than likely just thinking out aloud. She must have loved him until the end.”
“Yes, I think she did, and that didn’t really help with our relationship because I always wanted her to love my father more. I always felt that he had been dealt the short straw.” Solange looked pensive. “Do you know he once said to me that I worried far too much, he knew what he had gotten himself into, and he had been more than rewarded with your grandmother and me.”
“I still don’t understand why that stopped you going to France all these years?”
“Well, I know it sounds crazy, but I felt disloyal to your grandfather. I had been raised to think that I was French Australian. Suddenly, when I found out I was French through and through, I fought against it. I wanted to be Australian for my father. I shunned anything French. I wanted to hurt my mother for hurting my father. With age comes wisdom, and I have realised they had it all worked out. Relationships are very private things. I should have stayed out of it. When my mother first returned to France with you, after my father died, I felt like she couldn’t wait to race back there to find her first love. In time I realised that was not the case. She really wanted to show you France and she needed to return to her own roots. It was who she was. As much as she never got over loving Jean Pierre, I believe she stayed loyal to my father to the end. It is what she told me and it is important for me to believe that.
“Chilli sometimes we carry the scars of our parents for our whole lives. I don’t want to do that anymore. I have no wish to go to France to find out anything about my birth father. I had a wonderful father here, but I do wish to experience more of France, mainly because my mother was French and she has so inspired you to be the person you are today.”
Chilli felt tears well in her eyes. She realised that maybe this was why her mother had so much trouble showing affection. She was always holding something back.
“No more tears my dear, you’ve had enough.” Solange gave Chilli a brief hug. It wasn’t warm like Jack’s but Chilli knew her mother gave all she had to give.
Chapter 9
It was Monday morning. For the first time in a long while, Chilli had something to look forward to, instead of simply putting one wobbly foot in front of the other. She’d stayed up late the night before making up a detailed itinerary for Paris, and couldn’t wait for the travel agency to open.
The day before a fantastic review on Montgomery’s had gone to press. Could the weekend get any better? Yes perhaps, but that was never going to happen. People just didn’t come back from the dead; she had to stop wishing for miracles.
Already the phone had been ringing with best wishes from customers and friends who had read Sunday’s paper.
The tough-nosed food critic had given Sam huge accolades saying; ‘The Brisbane lad who cut his teeth at Ciel’s is wowing customers every time. Chef and co-owner, Sam Montgomery’s food is among the most exciting to be found on a Brisbane plate. If restaurants are reflections of an owner’s style, this one says a lot.’
Chilli was pleasantly surprised when she received a call from Jeff Bryson.
“Chilli, it’s
