that education. My parents sacrificed their own careers by moving to Australia so that we, their children, could have a better life. This sacrifice came with an implied responsibility, that the good education I was given be used to carve out a better life for myself and generations to come, and that studying hard and building a successful career was the path to such prosperity.
The power of one
My parents often remind me of my passion to lead as a young child—being the class prefect at school, being in charge and bossing my friends around, and telling everyone what to do. Then, for the first time, when I arrived in Australia I had difficulty assimilating at school and for a while I totally lost my confidence. I was first enrolled in a school where I was the only non-Anglo Saxon student in a school full of Anglo Saxon boys and girls where my differences—e.g. my accent (which was hard to pinpoint given the diversity of education I had already received), cultural habits (bringing Indian food to school was quite peculiar) and desire to be competitive in the classroom (I found it bizarre that there were no exams at primary school level)—I believe, damaged by self confidence. I subsequently moved to Cheltenham Primary School (a credit to my father who saw how miserable I was) and went on to Macrobertson Girls High School, both schools where there were many students from diverse cultural backgrounds, and suddenly I wasn’t the only different girl anymore, and I flourished again. I recall one teacher at Cheltenham Primary in particular, who took an interest in me, recognised my potential and instilled in me the confidence to overcome my apprehensions and insecurities. Almost overnight I totally changed, reverting back to my natural leadership talents and within six months I became school captain. Restoring my confidence in this way was an incredible legacy left by that one teacher.
‘You must meet Ruby. She’s done it all.’
I always wanted to be a lawyer from a very young age and I followed that dream. After graduating my law degree I began working at Corrs, a large commercial law firm. It was here where I confided to Randell, a work colleague, friend and mentor, about my aspiration to facilitate mentoring opportunities for women with diverse cultural backgrounds. The initiative, the Diverse Women’s Mentoring Association (DWMA), was launched in 2017 but back then it was still a dream. At the same time, I had just been offered the role of a Judge’s Associate and was contemplating whether this would be the best next career move for me. After confiding in Randell about these dilemmas he told me: ‘You must meet this neighbour of mine, called Ruby. She has a very similar cultural background and upbringing to you.’ He had been talking about Ruby all year, and would speak very highly of her: ‘She’s done it all, is a bit older than you and has a very successful career. She might be a good person for you to get to know’ he said.
It was as simple as connecting with Ruby on LinkedIn and the relationship immediately blossomed. The hallmark of our relationship is minimal rules; other than agreeing to confidentiality, meeting regularly and me coming prepared, the relationship has been shaped by my particular circumstances and needs at the time.
I have had the benefit of many professional mentors throughout my career and I credit much of my success to their influence. However there is something special about the relationship with Ruby. We have only known each other for six months, but having a similar background, family experiences and values allowed us to communicate in a deeper way and I felt safe in sharing my more personal family journey with Ruby for the first time.
What do we discuss in our mentoring conversations? On a professional level, initially when I was at a career crossroads, I was looking for advice from a woman who had gone on that path before me. Looking back to those early days I recall being very targeted and funnelled in my vision—either stay in a law firm or go to the bar.
Ruby helped me broaden my horizons to consider possibilities I had not thought about. She opened up prospects, challenged my self-doubts and provided me with an assurance that I could explore new paths I otherwise wouldn’t have had the courage to pursue.
Ruby facilitated an initial connection with Allens Linklaters (of which she is an alumnus) which, in my view, played an integral part in securing my next role with Allens Linklaters, which I will commence in 2018.
These days our conversations range from how to address the challenges of being a culturally diverse female to family and personal challenges. The law profession seems to be coming to terms with gender diversity but still has a long way to go in accepting cultural diversity, in my view.
Ruby taught me to listen to my instincts and back my own judgment. These days if I am only eighty percent sure about a decision I am much more likely to proceed, whereas previously I would have to feel one-hundred percent sure. I am definitely less risk averse these days.
Just as importantly Ruby opened up her networks to enable me to speak with others in the legal and corporate worlds. I feel honoured that she had that level of faith in me. It’s unlikely the relationship will come to an end; it’s more likely to continue on a more informal basis. These days I just pick up the phone to Ruby—the days of formally requesting meetings, carefully crafting emails and double-checking her availability were important at the start, but are now behind me. I am about to move to Sydney and start a new phase in my career, so I will have a lot of questions to explore with Ruby.
On the home front, conversations these days are being dominated by my parents’ desire for me to start a family—and I admit, I’m resisting being told what to do. I hear them say ‘time to look for a husband, the body clock is ticking, time’s running out, we will always be there to babysit’—not that they want me to give up my hard-won career for motherhood, far from it. They have an expectation that I have multi-tasked all my life and it’s time to throw this into the mix. It gets back to sacrifice. Mum reminds her she had to give up things for her family and it’s the same with me—‘don’t be too selfish,’ she urges, ‘think about what’s right for everyone at a point in time.’ Despite my resistance I realise her advice is a good reality check—I do want to be a mother at some stage, but at twenty-seven years of age, I reckon I have still got time to focus on my career for a while longer.
Sometimes I wonder if culturally diverse women have an added complexity to this parenthood challenge. If their cultural heritage demands women take on the total caring role and stigmatise men who would welcome taking on a caring role, the challenge to be both a professional woman and a mother can be enormous. My advice to women is make sure the person you marry values you as an equal and is willing to make their own sacrifices at certain stages—there’s that word again: sacrifice.
I’ve learned so much
I used to believe that it was important to have a mentor from the same workplace who knows the workplace dynamics, now I am not so sure. Having a mentor removed from your workplace can be hugely beneficial. Ruby has no affiliation with the law firms or workplaces I have worked in and that strengthens the transparency of the relationship. Ruby can provide an honest, objective perspective and, as she does not know any of my bosses I can say anything to her without being concerned about breaching boundaries or that it will come back to haunt me.
My mentoring experience with Ruby also helped shape a better mentoring program through the DWMA. Being able to reflect on my own experiences, I can ask more targeted questions of mentors and mentees and structure the formal program in a more meaningful way. Ruby has also helped grow the association through opening up her networks who have subsequently offered to mentor young diverse women aspiring to become lawyers.
Reflections
Advice to mentors from Ruby
A few reflections I would share with other mentors or anyone considering becoming a mentor:
1 Make a difference—mentoring someone involves a very small investment of your time: for you as a mentor, it will be an enriching and rewarding learning experience,
