quiet surround us. Our eyes met, we both smiled but stayed in our own personal reverie. Michael put music in the player – Herb Alpert – I guess he didn’t want to hear me sing.
While we listened, I started organizing the research that we gathered earlier. Turning each discovery over and over in my mind but still not making any sense of it. I did wonder if Michael was doing the same.
“Michael, I’m thinking about the experiments we did today. We have a ways to go to figure it all out. There are many more questions and experiments to develop.”
I waited a second and lowered my voice before I continued.
“I really need you to tell me what happened to you when I left you on the lounge this morning and you came to the bathroom door. Can you tell me now before the information gets lost or tainted…I think it could be valuable information for our research?”
The ball was in his court and I was waiting for his return volley. Maybe he was trying to figure something, so, I just sat there while he took his time.
When Michael started to talk, his voice was barely above a whisper and he even leaned in a bit to make sure I could hear and others could not.
“I was pretty well pissed off at you for getting me all worked up and then yanking it out from under me. My ardor faded very quickly but not fast enough to beat the pain of the disconnection. It was as though the disconnect froze my Johnson when it was still erect. The combination was excruciating. It took me awhile to get to where you were – I could hardly walk and my vision was blurry. I was mad at you but I needed you to reconnect; I needed and wanted you more than I’ve ever needed or wanted anything in my entire life. It was the most powerful physical experience I’ve ever had.”
“Hearing your voice on the other side of the door was like manna from Heaven. You told me to put my back to the door and lean my whole body into it. I did and I suddenly loved you. I felt the reconnect but I was still physically in need of you. I remember hoping that you were all right.”
“Helen, I was actually seeing stars – you know, like in the cartoons but it wasn’t funny. I was sick and disoriented and weak. All I could do was focus on touching you, think about touching you, and dream about loving you because you could cure me. I was thinking of all the ways I could show you how grateful I am that you could fix things. I thought ‘Helen is what I need’.” He was on a roll.
“You helped me by talking to me but there was no way I could carry on a conversation. I was lucky to get the words out that I did. To cope, I closed my eyes and leaned on the door and absorbed as much of the reconnect as I possibly could. I needed more, so I waited for you.”
“I’m not sure that all this research is going to help. I’ve decided what we need, well, what I need.” And then he stopped talking.
I knew what he meant but I was not about to be manipulated even if I would love to go where he was. Maybe making a complete connection would be a permanent fix. It would only be if all else failed, our last effort.
“Michael, we only have nine and a half days left to figure this out. We need to be as objective as we can.”
Then to soothe his ego, I continued.
“It would be so sweet for me to spend the next eleven days enjoying your love making. You have a scent that is unique to any other. You smell like musk and wild honeysuckle and it really is a big turn on. When you breathe on my neck, I have to steady myself for fear I’ll faint. Don’t for one minute think that I don’t want you. Because I do, I want you so much that my resistance is getting very weak. But, please understand that I try hard to live a principled life. I am a slave to my own beliefs.”
A pout still traced his lips as he managed to smile at me. We held each other’s gaze for a minute and then he questioned.
“How long is this cruise anyway?”
“15 days, we used 4 days and there are 11 days left.”
“Helen, I’m not taking the whole cruise. I get off the ship in Honolulu and will fly to Australia from there.”
The news that he would be leaving the ship early hit me like an earth quake that was accompanied by fear.
“Do you know when we’ll get to Honolulu?” I asked.
“It’s the second or third port of call.”
“Well, which is it, second or third?”
“Not sure, I’ll look the next time I’m in the stateroom.” He said.
I stood up and offered him an assist up from his lounge.
“Let’s take care of some business, not the least is me going to pee and you finding the exact day and time you will be leaving the ship.”
I pulled him up. He automatically wrapped his arms around me and I hugged him back before I started pulling him into the stateroom.
“Pee first,” I said.
He followed reluctantly. We were pensive; we knew this would be an ordeal. I wanted to talk to him, to soothe him again but I was too wrapped up on my own fear to give much credence to his.
“I’ll be very fast; let’s see if we can get through this more smoothly; please keep the contact with the door and I’ll do the same. We’ll talk about it as soon as we can after.”
He just squeezed my hand.
Opened the door, gave him a quick glance, and was closing it and trying to get my pants down at the same time. It wasn’t easy keeping the contact with the door but I did. I felt the connection through the door. Peed, washed my hands and forehead to the door I said, “I’m coming.”
He pulled, I pushed, the door opened. When I stepped out, not wasting a second, Michael wrapped his arms around my waist and put his face in the crook of my neck. I responded at the anticipation of his breath on my skin. My hands went to his head and hair. I felt him kiss my collar bone. I’m not sure but I think I began to float. We sighed. I could hear something, something almost inaudible, way back in the distance. I listened; I concentrated and listened some more; oh, it was my own voice but it was a tiny voice, saying: wake up, wake up, wake up.”
Immediately I searched for the pinkie and our old fashioned hook up. It was easier than I thought to grab his hand and I spun away from his embrace. As I came around full circle, I saw his eyes they were smoldering and blazing with the pain of betrayal.
“Oh God, I’m sorry.” I said as I pulled him to me.
“Only when you’re ready.”
We encased our bodies within each other’s arms. We satiated our need for the reconnect. We expressed our love for the existence of the ying and the yang. We were the only ones who could summon the relief – one for the other. We stood motionless in an extremely tight cuddle and sighed deeply.
Michael took my hand and we walked to the desk to look at the ships itinerary. We were both looking at it, but Michael was waiting for me to explain it to him. Sorry Michael I was a bit slow and didn’t understand what I was seeing; it took me more than a minute to figure it out.
“Oh, this is scary. You’ll be leaving in 5 days. We only have 5 days.”
I
