I felt him yield and then get involved. As we snuggled close the fear was gone, the worry was gone, and the pain was gone. Our human bundle stood; the only movement was our steady breathing.
When the experience began to overwhelm me, I could hear that tiny little voice in the distance trying to get my attention and it took almost no effort at all to ignore it. I let myself glide on a carpet of sensual feelings. Michael gripped me around my shoulders and squeezed very tight. At that time I didn’t recognize what he was doing but he was closing off the opportunity to move. Movement brought on a sexual response. We stood like statues again until Michael took my hand.
“Let’s take this to the balcony and figure it out.”
Michael’s voice was husky but under control – way better control than I had. I was ready to take it to the next level once I kicked the nagging voice to the side.
As we walked hand in hand to the balcony our breathing synchronized and the calm came back. I smiled at him and was impressed with his self-control – the shoe was on the other foot. I was hoping that he would explain how he took control. It may be a key to fixing our odd connection.
We sat reclined in the lounge chairs on the balcony, Michael’s hand positioned atop mine on the arm rest. It was more comfortable than hooking pinkies.
“Ok,” he started.
“We’ve got 5 days to figure this out. What we know so far: We need to be connected; movement is sensual and must be avoided; we can stop the sensual feelings by holding on tight and not moving; space between us is good as long as we have a connection; we can feel the connection through walls and doors; the disconnect brings on fear, panic, and sickness; the reconnect and the gratitude brings on sensual feelings that can barely be stopped; dancing causes a loss of speech but coordination seems to be the gift.”
“What I see from this is that we need to find some way to get rid of the need for connection. My theory is that we will need the connection until we complete it finally, and you know what I’m talking about.”
To hear him talk was a relief. I was grateful that he understood as much as he did and thought the way he put it all together was clear and concise. I wasn’t as happy about where his conclusion went.
There was a thought formulating in my head – a way to get him through the disconnect – maybe the ‘kiss back’ could save him from being connected to me forever. I wasn’t sure if the ‘kiss back’ would do anything to alleviate my need for the connection. I knew that I would do whatever it took to make it right for him. The ‘kiss back’ like, the complete connection, would be a last resort option.
Now Michael had his idea – that we should let the gratitude take us all the way. I’d a theory that the ‘kiss back’ may remove the need for a connect for Michael but not sure what it would do concerning me.
“Michael, I am working on a theory that may help you accept a final disconnect. I’m not going to talk about it right now because it is a ‘last resort’ kind of deal.”
I knew he’d be curious and I didn’t want to get his hopes up.
“Your suggestion of taking our gratitude to the ultimate connection could have the opposite effect, you know. So can we hold off on that until the very end?”
“Are you thinking of more experiments?” He asked with a little half grin.
“Maybe instead of experiments, we need to ascertain just what the connection is to us physically as opposed to mentally or emotionally.”
While I was talking I realized that when we were very connected – grateful – we didn’t talk. I don’t think I could talk.
“That sounds scientific; how do we go about doing that?”
He carried a touch of sarcasm in his voice.
“I’m not really sure, but I think talking about what is happening to us physically during a connect, a disconnect, and a reconnect will give us more and different information to add to what we’ve got.”
“So, what we’ve got here is a connect.”
He indicated by patting my hand.
“Right.”
“Well, physically my breathing is relaxed, slow and deep, matching yours. I have control over my faculties, that is to say that I have control over my thinking – though the expanse of topics seems greater than ever - and over my internal organs like my bladder. I’m not moving but I’m pretty sure I have control of all of my physical functions, maybe even enhanced control.”
Something flickered in his soft gray eyes. And then more to him than to me, he pondered.
“I wonder what effect this connect could have on our creative sides.”
Our ‘creative sides’ were something to look at later if he didn’t pursue.
Michael looked at me and smiled a slow sweet smile.
“We’re hashing out the same information over and over again just flipped up and turned every way you can think of. It’s like you need to see things in 3D to figure them out. I can see that we have differing opinions as to how to get to the bottom of this – no pun intended.” He laughed at his own joke.
“Since you are not telling me what you have up your sleeve, I’ve got nothing to compare my conclusion with. So, can we table this conversation for a bit and have lunch?”
“Not to be too pushy but can we talk this whole process through as we are doing it? We’re about to change things and I get just a bit anxious for a possible disconnect.”
I tried to keep the panic out of my voice while expressing my need to understand.
Michael took my hand in his and we stood.
“No change.” Michael reported.
We held our hands out so that we could maneuver around the furniture.
“No change.” Michael started to sing.
“No change, no change, no change…,” sounding a bit like The Little Engine That Could.
I laughed. We practically danced into the stateroom to order lunch. When he picked up our well worn menu, he finished his little rendition with a long and powerful lung, collapsing note. It was so unbelievably sweet that I wanted, no needed to hear it again.
“Can you do that again?” I asked.
He looked at me, smiled and took in a deep breath and sang the last word, holding the last note until there was no air left to manipulate.
“Wow!” The hair on the back of my neck was standing as was the hair on my arms; I wanted to cry from pure pleasure.
“I wonder if this means anything – When you did that and right now gratitude begs me to make my appreciation known, and for me, I want to touch your face and take a handful of your hair and force your mouth on mine. The sound of your voice made me feel corporeal.”
“That’s new.”
We added that information to our combined
