in. She had always liked this room with its expansive views of the bush and of the houses dotted between the trees as the road wound back along and up the valley.
Originally they had designed the house with this room as the master bedroom, sharing the floor with the open living areas at the back of the house, and the main bathroom and study which lay at either end facing the road. They had quickly seen the issues of leaving Ben, then seven years old, all alone downstairs by himself at night and plans had changed.
This bedroom became the guest room with the stroke of a pen, and with some plan modifications their bedroom had been moved downstairs, complete with an en-suite bathroom, at the opposite end of the building from Ben's room. In between an open 'family room' connected the two and opened on to the stairway at the back and the first of many terraced garden levels at the front.
She had decided last night, and Mrs T had agreed, that if she was going to stay in the house that she should move to the upstairs bedroom. She had hardly slept in their bedroom since the accident. Most nights falling into intoxicated slumber on the lounge as she drank yet another glass trying to summon up the courage to sleep in her and Peter's bed. It was time to start afresh and this was the first step in facing her new world.
By the time Ben had woken, an hour or so later, Hope had moved all of her clothes upstairs and into their new home. Her toiletries were now filling the bathroom next door and only a large pile of books and magazines lay strewn on the floor. She would have to buy a new book stand or get some shelves put up. Plenty of time for that.
As Ben made a pot of tea and cooked toast Hope sat at the breakfast bar watching him, smoking a cigarette and justifying her decision.
'Honestly darling, I can't sleep in that other room and besides you will be able to have the whole downstairs to yourself now. If you want we can get a door put into the en-suite so you wont have to go through my old room to use it. You can do what you want in there. Maybe you could use it as a study?"
'It's alright mum. I think it will be good for you to move up here. Not that I want your room or anything, but I know it must be hard for you to go in there. Let's just make it the new guest room and I can use the upstairs bathroom when we have people over to stay.'
'Darling, is it okay to leave things in there as they are for a while? I honestly can't face having to sort through your father's things yet.'
'Mum, whatever you need to do just do it. If you need help just ask. I was thinking last night maybe I should take these last two weeks off school and stick around at home with you. We've finished all our subjects and they are only doing revision with us. It's kind of a bore anyway.'
'Oh Ben, I want you to do what you think is best. I'm okay honestly. I would love to have you here, but I really am okay. I promise I wont fall back on my wicked ways. It was selfish of me and I can't imagine how hard I have made things for you. I'm so sorry, I was only thinking of myself. You poor darling."
'I wasn't saying that just so I could check up on you, honestly. I'm just sorry that I sort of shut you out and left you on your own. I didn't want to, I just didn't know what to do or say'. Ben choked back the tears as he continued.
'I loved him Mum, but I love you more. I can't explain better, but I just want you to be okay. I don't care if you need stuff to make it that way. I just want to be there for you'....The tears flowed, unchecked down the boys face.
'Darling, oh my darling boy, how could I not be okay when I have you? She extended her arms out towards him. ' Hold me darling. Hold mummy. Everything's going to be fine.'
Ben clung to Hope, the tears finally escaping, the relief of having his mother back overwhelming him. He would never tell her the truth. He loved her too much to see her hurt again.
Ten
When the tears had cleared Hope felt both relieved and challenged. It was good to have Ben finally show his emotions and it was good to finally begin to share hers with him. She had made the decision last night to start facing the world and start tackling the responsibilities that she had hidden from with the alcohol and tranquilizers. With Ben at her side she felt more confident that she might just manage.
'Alright darling, we might as well head into town this morning and get some shopping done. I don't think I can stomach another frozen dinner for some time. The cupboards are probably empty, not that I'd know, and I have to face the world sometime. That's as good an excuse as any.'
If she was going to try and cut back on her support system then she needed to keep herself busy.
'Sure mum. I think it's a great idea. Why don't you go and get ready and I'll write a shopping list, oh and hang the washing up or it will start to get that damp smell'.
Ben didn't really think it was such a great idea. It would be just like school with everyone staring and pointing and whispering. Saturday morning shopping was the number one social event for most of the neighbourhood and for most neighbourhoods in the district. As there was only one main shopping centre within a half hour drive then every family around would be there.
The people they didn't know personally like their neighbours or from school, would know them from the local newspaper article that had come out a few days after his father's accident. They had devoted nearly a page on the horrific incident. 'Leading Town Planner in Hit and Run Horror', the headline read.
They had given the full gory details of the tragedy. How his father had been struck down by a car early on the Saturday evening on the highway in a nearby suburb. The police were still looking for the driver who had driven off without stopping.
Then it had gone on to list the major building projects his father had been responsible for around the district. The new Library and Council Chambers, the 'swimmingly stunning' renovations to the local public pool facilities and the much applauded Gateway Shopping Centre.
Not satisfied with that they paper had continued with a short, heart-wrenching article on his mother. 'Former Model Faces Third Tragedy'. There were references, with photographs, to his mum's short modelling career way back to before he was born, some more recent references to the occasional event she had modeled at more recently, including her being the 'special guest star' at the opening of the Gateway Centre two years ago.
They had listed all the famous people she had known, local VIP's first then some more famous names from the fashion and retail world. Finally they had revealed to all that 'Hope Carter is no stranger to tragedy. Her younger brother killed when he fell under a train back in 1960 which was followed by the tragic suicide of her father later that year'.
Ben had thrown away the copy of the paper when it had been left on their driveway, not wanting his mum to see it. He knew that every household in the surrounding suburbs would receive their free copy and probably already have read it. Eagerly lapping up the details, feeling important if they had known the family, however vaguely, gossiping to one and other about it, filling in the missing gaps with hearsay.
He had wondered if anyone else had found some of the facts unusual. Why his father had been where he was at that time on a Saturday evening. He wasn't near his office, which is where he had said he would be, working late as usual, earlier that afternoon. He was not near any current building sites that the company was working on, he wasn't visiting anyone they knew. There was only one person he could have been visiting.
Ben had known exactly where his father had been and what he had been doing. That
