But For A Penis…. Welby Thomas Cox, Jr.

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1189, Richard was his undisputed heir. One of his first acts as king was to send William Marshal to England with orders to release Eleanor from prison, but her custodians had already released her when he demanded this. Eleanor rode to Westminster and received the oaths of fealty from many lords and prelates on behalf of the King. She ruled England in Richard's name, signing herself as 'Eleanor, by the grace of God, Queen of England'. On August 13, 1189, Richard sailed from Barfleur to Portsmouth, and was received with enthusiasm. She ruled England as regent again when Richard went off on the Third Crusade. When he was captured by the Austrians on his way home, she personally negotiated his ransom by going to Germany.

       Eleanor survived Richard and lived well into the reign of her youngest son King John. In 1199, under the terms of a truce between King Philip II of France and King John, it was agreed that Philip's twelve-year-old heir Louis would be married to one of John's nieces of Castile. John deputed Eleanor to travel to Castile to select one of the princesses. Now 77, Eleanor set out from Poitiers. Just outside Poitiers she was ambushed and held captive by Hugh IX of Lusignan, which had long ago been sold by his forebears to Henry II. Eleanor secured her freedom by agreeing to his demands and journeyed south, crossed the Pyrenees, and traveled through the Kingdoms of Navarre and Castile, arriving before the end of January, 1200. King Alfonso VIII and Queen Leonora of Castile had two remaining unmarried daughters, Urraca and Blanche. Eleanor selected the younger daughter, Blanche. She stayed for two months at the Castilian court. Late in March, Eleanor and Blanche de Castile journeyed back across the Pyrenees.

       In Bordeaux, she fell ill and made her way to Fontevraud, where King John visited her. Eleanor was again unwell in early 1201. When war broke out between John and Philip, Eleanorset out from Fontevraud Abbey for her capital Poitiers to prevent her grandson Arthur, John's enemy, from taking control. Arthur learned of her whereabouts and besieged her in the castle of Mirabeau. As soon as King John heard of this he marched south, overcame the besiegers and captured Arthur. Eleanorthen returned to Fontevrault where she took the veil as a nun, as her daughter Jeanne Countess of Toulouse had done. Eleanor died in 1204 and was buried at Fontevraud Abbey near her husband Henry, her son Richard, and her daughter Jeanne, joined later by her grandson Raymond VII of Toulouse. Her tomb effigy shows her reading a Bible and is decorated with magnificent jewelery. By the time of her death she had outlived all of her children except for King John of England and Queen Leonora. She is acclaimed by many as the most interesting woman ever to have lived. Certainly few describe her life as dull. Requiescat in pacem, Aliénor d'Aquitània.

       Jeanne (or Joan) of England (October, 1165 - 4 September 1199)

       Jeanne was the seventh child of King Henry II of England and Eleanor of Aquitaine

       the younger sister of William, Count of Poitiers,

       the younger sister of Henry ("Henry the Young King")

       the younger sister of Matilda of England,

       a younger sister of Richard (Richard I, King of England, The Lionheart.)

       a younger sister of Geoffrey II, Duke of Brittany

       a younger sister of Leonora of Aquitaine.

       an older sister of John (King John of England)

       Jeanne was a younger half-sister of Marie de Champagne and of Alix of France (from Eleanor of Aquitaine's first marriage to the King of France)

       Jeanne was born at Angers, in Anjou. She spent her youth at her mother's courts at Winchester and Poitiers. She was Richard's favorite sister. In 1176, King William II of Sicily sent ambassadors to England to ask for Jeanne's hand in marriage. The betrothal was confirmed and on August 27 Jeanne set sail for Sicily, escorted by an uncle and the bishop of Norwich

       In Saint-Gilles, the home town of the Count of Toulouse, her entourage was met by representatives of the King of Sicily: After a hazardous voyage, the party arrived safely in Sicily, and on February 13, 1177, Jeanne married William II of Sicily and was crowned Queen of Sicily at Palermo Cathedral.

       They had one son, Bohemond, born in 1181, who died in infancy. Following William's death she was kept a prisoner by the new king, Tancred of Sicily. Her brother Richard I of England arrived in Italy in 1190, on the way to the Holy Land. He demanded her return, along with her dowry. Tancred balked at these demands so Richard seized a nearby monastery and the castle of La Bagnara. Deciding to spend the winter there he attacked and subdued the city of Messina. Outclassed, Tancred now agreed to the terms and sent back Jeanne's dowry.

       In March 1191 Eleanor of Aquitaine arrived in Messina with Richard's prospective bride, Berengaria of Navarre. Eleanor returned to England, leaving Berengaria in Jeanne's care. Richard decided to postpone his wedding. He put his sister and bride on a ship, and set sail for the Holy Land. Two days later the fleet was hit by a storm which destroyed several vessels and blew Jeanne and Berengaria's ship off course.

       Richard landed in Crete, but his sister and fiancée were stranded near Cyprus. The Despot of Cyprus, Isaac Comnenus was just about to capture them when Richard's fleet appeared. Both princesses were saved, but the ambitious Isaac made off with Richard's treasure. Richard pursued and captured Isaac, threw him into a dungeon, and sent Jeanne and Berengaria on to Acre in the Country of Tripoli, an Occitan speaking state belonging to the House of Toulouse.

       Once established in the Holy Land, Richard proposed marrying Jeanne to Saladin's brother, Al-Adil, and making the couple joint rulers of Jerusalem. This excellent plan failed as Jeanne declined to marry a Muslim, Al-Adil declined to marry a Christian and neither wanted to convert (which would in any case have largely defeated the object of the plan).

       Jeanne was married in 1196 to Raymond VI of Toulouse, with Quercy and the Agenais as her dowry. The marriage took place in Beaucaire, presided over by Richard I himself. The following year she bore a son, also called Raymond, later to become Raymond VII of Toulouse.

       Raymond does not seem to have treated his wife well, and Jeanne came to fear him and his nobles. In 1199, while pregnant with a second child, she was left to face a rebellion. She laid siege to the castle of the ringleaders, the lords of Saint-Félix-de-Caraman les Cassès. Fearing treachery from her own troops she fled to the Limousin, hoping for Richard's protection, but she found him dead at Chalus.

       She then fled to the court of her mother, Eleanor of Aquitaine, at Rouen, where she found refuge. Jeanne subsequently asked to be admitted to Fontevraud Abbey. She died there in childbirth, aged thirty-four years old, a veiled nun. In the west at this time, cesarean operations invariably meant death for the mother, and in this case for the baby too. It was a second son who lived long enough to be baptized Richard after his recently dead uncle. Jeanne was buried at Fontevraud Abbey along with her brother Richard, and presumably her son Richard. Later they would be joined by Eleanor of Aquitaine and fifty years later by her first son Raymond VII of Toulouse.

      The Middle Ages

       The Schism of the Church

      The last fifty years of the eleventh century saw several major events which would have profound consequences for the future. In a vacuum we only hear the noise, when the dust settles we see the dirt.

      ​In 1054 the church of the east and west formally split

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