style="font-size:15px;"> “How are you doing, Ben?” Dwight asked. “You just don’t look yourself.”
“I’m okay.”
“Lies, lies, lies! I was not born yesterday. What is going on? We’re friends, I know something is up.”
“A lot of stress lately.”
“And why?”
“Dwight, let’s just celebrate.”
“I’ve done enough of that, what is going on with you?”
Ben sighed. “Well, if you insist. I asked Rachel to leave.”
“What?”
“Yes. She’s having an affair.”
“Not surprising.”
Ben chuckled. “Why would you say that?”
“There was no connection between you two. I could tell it. Didn’t want to disrespect you or your marriage, but I knew you weren’t happy.”
“Really?”
“Oh God, you had to be dead not to realize it. Look, I’ve seen how she looks at you. She doesn’t gaze at you with wonderment. With stars in her eyes. It just wasn’t there.”
“Fair observation, but why didn’t you tell me you noticed this before?”
“Did I have to?” he asked. “You knew you were miserable. Regardless, I’m glad you are relieved and moving on, if that’s what makes you happy. You deserve that.”
“I guess I’m worried about the fallout and what people may think of me.”
“When will you stop worrying about what other people think and start worrying about what Ben thinks? I mean, damn! You’ve got a great career and life, why worry so much about what everyone else thinks?”
In all fairness, no one had the right to say that more than Dwight. He could likely guess what people around Freeden really thought of him, but it never seemed to faze him.
“You know I’m going to take heat for leaving her,” Ben said. “I’m surprised Big Daddy Dan hasn’t already led a protest of my decision in the streets of downtown. Her father is a handful.”
“Oh, please,” Dwight paused to take a sip of wine, “it’s none of his damn business.”
“Well, I agree – but you work for him.”
“Stop right there.” He paused to take another sip. “I do not work for Dr. Henson. I don’t care if he’s the senior pastor, as far as I am concerned we are in different departments. Only thing I work for is the holy mother church of Freeden Baptist and Jesus Christ. And it does not matter what he thinks anyway. It’s bad advice to tell you that anything matters more than you doing what makes you happy.”
“Well, I appreciate that,” Ben said.
Ben took a sip of the wine.
“How is it?” Dwight asked.
“Not a big fan of sauvignon blanc, but probably the best I’ve had.”
“Of course it is,” he replied. “When it comes to wine and wisdom, listen to me. Look, you will find someone who loves you one day. Someone you can love.”
“I believe so.”
“You will,” he said. “And perhaps one day you will find a wine you love as well. Listen, let me tell you a story about how I found the one that had stars in his eyes for me.”
Ben discretely looked around the restaurant, nervous about who might notice Dwight telling what he expected to be a gay love story. He felt overwhelmed with guilt, though, that he was worried about who might be listening. Dwight was a real friend, and despite the overwhelming anti-gay sentiment that persisted in this area, he knew deep down that he should not be ashamed or nervous.
Dwight began. “Twenty years ago, I experienced a one-week rendezvous with a man named Rafael. He was a PhD candidate studying in Madrid, and we met on a cruise I took as a relaxing getaway along the Mediterranean coastline. I was having dinner one night and was seated with Rafael, and immediately thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever cast my eyes upon. A lucid image of our first meeting with one another remains embedded in my memory; he wore slim-fit green pants with a predominately navy blue shirt, unbuttoned almost to below his mid-chest, with his hair neatly styled in a seemingly modern, gentleman’s cut and a hard part. I certainly expected he was gay.”
Ben always enjoyed Dwight’s stories, and as far as he could tell, no one was listening in, so his anxiety retreated. “Do you consider yourself able to detect that sort of thing – that he was gay?” Ben asked.
“Yes, you could say my ‘gaydar’ was going off.”
Ben burst into laughter. Dwight was not offended; after all, his intention was to make Ben laugh and enjoy the night, too. And this wasn’t the first time Dwight had referred to his ‘gaydar’.
“Is that right?” Ben asked, still laughing.
“Yes, yes,” Dwight said while chuckling himself, “but in all honesty, I didn’t want to jump to conclusions about Rafael’s identity, so I chose not to do so concerning Rafael despite my preliminary sentiments. I recall our first conversation. He was shy at first, but the more we talked the more I realized just how laid back and enticing he really was. At this point I had never told anyone other than my mother that I was gay, but the longer the night went on, the more I wanted to confess to him my sexuality. I desired so badly to unveil who I really was, to pleasure myself in relief that someone else other than my understanding and loving mother recognized my true sexual identity and accepted me for it.”
Ben was in a trance. He’d never thought about such things so deeply.
“So on that week-long cruise in the Mediterranean, my desire to unearth the man I truly am reached a climactic point. While having drinks soon after we met at the bar, I recall explicitly interrupting Rafael mid-conversation and saying, ‘I want you.’ He gazed at me with the most surprised look on his face. I was frightened at the thought of rejection, most notably because I had just made the boldest move of my life. He left me very little time to fear being denied, though, as I soon found myself in his room making intimate love with a man for the first time.”
“Well, the story you just told me sounds more like a glorified one-night stand with a fuck buddy.”
“Oh, you’re so silly,” Dwight said as they laughed together. “Not hardly, though. I woke up the next morning nestled against Rafael’s body, my head on his chest and my left arm draped over him, holding him. It was undoubtedly the single most liberating feeling I had ever experienced, far better than the sexual endeavors of the night before. It felt right to be embraced by a man. It did, in fact, feel natural. And I remember looking up at him as he gazed down at me. We loved one another from that point on.”
“Well, I can honestly say I have never had the privilege of meeting a woman and experiencing anything quite like that.”
“You
