but not too fancy either. I wanted to look nice but not like I was trying too hard even though, obviously, I was.
After an hour of small talk in the coffee shop, Harrison had to go but asked me if I would wanna meet him for a drink that night. I confidently said yes. I wanted to know him better. Know him more than just a night of drunken cuddling and an hour at a coffee shop discussing our favorite colors and bands.
I combed my hair and brushed my teeth for three minutes instead of the recommended two. Extra deodorant, just in case, and I filed my nails down so I couldn’t even try to bite them if I felt anxious.
Our plan was he would pick me up at five but I was standing ready at the front door of my apartment complex at ten till. I wanted to make an impression. I didn’t want to keep him waiting. I wanted him to see that this was important to me. That, maybe, with the right chemistry, he could be important to me.
When he pulled up I skipped down the steps that lead to the street. In a moment that would usually give me anxiety, I felt calm and collected and ready.
“Hey there,” he said as I climbed into his car and pulled the door shut.
“Hi,” I said with a smile.
“Are you hungry?” He asked. “I know a great Mexican place.”
“That sounds great!” I said.
We drove to the other side of town where the restaurant was and took turns playing our favorite songs and talking about how the rest of our days went. His work meeting that ran too long causing him to almost be late picking me up. My complete writers' block after he left me at the coffee shop. We told stories and laughed and happiness fell into place.
We sat across from each other at the restaurant, margaritas in hand. “So,” Harrison said after we clinked our glasses. “What do I need to know about you? What’s something people don’t know about you?”
“Hmm,” I thought. “Well as a writer, I am pretty much an open book. You can ask me whatever you’d like.”
He sat back in his chair quizzically, “Do you have siblings?” He asked.
“Yes, two older sisters and one older brother.”
“And you’re out to them?”
“Of course. My whole family knows.”
He smiled and nodded. Like I had passed a test. “And how is your relationship with your parents?”
“It’s…complicated,” I said. “But getting better every day.”
“That’s so wonderful!”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “It was mostly me and my mom. It feels like I am at the end of a hard race with her. Like we were taking turns being in first place and finally, we figured out that we could cross the finish line together.”
“Hmm,” he leaned forward in his chair. “Do you ever write about her?”
“I do, but I would never publish anything that is so blatantly about the stuff we have gone through. It was a lot of miscommunication and I could probably write an entire series of it but I love her, and I don’t want to hurt her by publishing something too incredibly honest when mostly there was just a lot of confusion between us. Neither of us were ever at fault I don’t believe."
He smiled, “That’s good. Mom’s are important, and Dad’s too.”
“I agree,” I replied. “It’s weird I never talk about it. I’m usually too shy to let it be brought up.”
“It can be tough sometimes for sure."
“How is your relationship with your parents? Any siblings?”
“I actually don’t have any siblings and my parents passed away a few years ago.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t…”
“It’s okay,” he assured me with a subtle smile.
The server dropped off two plates of tacos in front of us and refilled our basket of chips. I wasn’t exactly sure how to move the conversation forward, so I was happy when, finally, he said, “Yeah, it was a tough few years but I had good people in my life to take care of me.”
I envied him. I had plenty of friends, but being a writer was sporadic just enough that it was tough to keep relationships alive. Late nights with a bottle of wine on the balcony of my apartment, early mornings in coffee shops beating my head on the table when my brain refused to function.
Of course, I had Becca, but she was also a writer and a lot of times our schedules didn’t align properly. And when they did, our moods didn’t. I needed loud when she needed quiet. She needed wine when I need espresso.
“I am happy you have good people,” I said. “Sometimes I feel like I don’t have that. Like if something bad happened to my parents or siblings, I wouldn’t have anyone or anything to fall on but my career”
“I think people will surprise you with how much they actually care. I think people will surprise you in general.”
“You’re right,” I said thinking about how, even after only knowing him for a day and a half, I’d drop everything for Harrison if he needed me.
“How about after this we go over to this bar I know.” He said and gulped down the rest of his margarita. I followed suit. “I have a few friends I want you to meet.”
We drove back across town with the windows down. When he was focused on the roads I’d look his way and imagined what this could possibly end up being. Was I really the one to attract such a beautifully charismatic man into my life. And now he wanted me to meet his friends. I don't even remember the last time a boy I was talking to introduced me to his friends.
I spent the past three years of my life single and holding myself up and together and doing everything I could to avoid stomach butterflies and get love quick schemes. And eventually, I felt nothing about anyone ever. There wasn’t a single guy that I met that made me stutter and trip on my feelings, until this guy right here, who was unbelievably gorgeous and was actually smart and kind.
We got to the bar and he pulled me by my left hand through a crowd of people lit up with different colored stage lights. The music was live but not too loud that you couldn’t have a conversation.
He pulled me through to a back corner where a group of his friends were sitting at a table. He let go of my hand to hug his friends, one by one.
The last guy he hugged was tall and thin, with long hair pulled back into a messy bun. He pulled him over to where I was to introduce us.
“I’d like you to meet my boyfriend, Jonothan,” he said and the boy reached his hand out to shake mine.
“Hey, it’s great to meet ya!” He said. “Harrison was telling me about your drunken night together...so funny!"
“I…wait, what?"
Whatever All Of This Is
“You
