“Ugh,” he started in his complaining voice. “Why does everything have to be so serious with you?”
I closed the app and set my phone on the table. My face fell into my hands. At this point, I had been single for so long that dating didn’t even feel like it was worthwhile. I took a sip of my gin and tonic.
“This is exactly why this is for you. I think you need this,” he said. “Just chill out. Chat with some guys and don’t take everything so personal. Just have a good time. It doesn’t have to be love.”
“I just don’t see the point,” I said as my phone vibrated on the table. A new message notification. “Why should I even read it?”
“Because you deserve to have some fun for once.”
I didn’t like it. But I thought maybe Jon was right. Maybe it had been too long since I let loose a little. I slide my finger across the screen of my phone and opened the app to see what was in store for me.
Date One
I sat alone at a table in a bar I had never been to. Dimly lit chandeliers and booming music, I was nervous that he wouldn’t be able to find me in the dark storm of a dive.
We had plans to meet at 7pm but I was always annoyingly early and was sitting at the table by a quarter till. My collared shirt freshly pressed, my strawberry hair gelled in a swoop and I actually went and bought an expensive smelling cologne all to make a good first impression.
Coming into this date I think I was somewhat excited but mostly terrified. There were just too many outcomes to meeting someone you know nothing about. What if he looked nothing like his pictures? What if he chewed with his mouth open? What if he tried to kill me? It seemed pretty far-fetched, I know, but we have all heard those stories.
The music in the old bar took a turn to a slow and steady romantic song, and like out of a movie, I saw him walking towards me. Jason with his blonde hair that hung down by his ears and glittery green eyes that stood out from across the room. He looked almost more attractive than his pictures on the app.
He approached the table, smiled, and quizzically asked if I was who he thought I was.
“I am him,” I said and smiled. “I hope I look how my pictures look!”
“You look exactly like I thought you would,” he said with a shy laugh. “So nice to meet you in person!"
“Good! Same to you,” I said. “Please have a seat. The server came by but I told him I’d wait till you got here to order a drink.”
“How polite of you,” he said smiling.
“It’s a Midwesterner thing,” I said with a wink. “New Yorkers like yourself usually say we are too polite.”
When the server swung back around he took our drink orders. I asked for a gin and tonic as per usual and Jason got a mule. We decided to order a chips and salsa appetizer to share.
“So,” Jason started as soon as we had our drinks in hand. “What is it that you looking for?” I was shocked at how casual he was about such a big question, and so early in the evening. But I guess better to get it out of the way, instead of wasting any time.
“Um, wow okay!” I said laughing. “I, um, I don’t have any super specifics, but I know that I want to go on dates and find someone that I can have a solid relationship with. Someone to travel with. Someone to go to concerts with. Um, someone to eventually become more.” I was starting to ramble so decided to stop and turn the question back on him.
“I’m looking for something similar,” he said. “It’s so hard to meet good people who want more than a one night fling.” It’s like he was reading my mind.
“I feel that too,” I said. “Especially in the gay community…and in such a big city.” He nodded in agreement.
The sounds of New York roared outside the bar. Taxis honking, people yelling, firetrucks speeding down the crowded streets. I never thought that I’d live here, but it definitely became a dream come true when I first stepped off the airplane three years earlier just three days after graduating college.
Four drinks into the evening and I was internally laughing at myself for feeling so nervous about this date. It had been much easier than I thought it would be. Jason was wonderful. He made me laugh, and the conversations felt equal. I never felt like when I was talking he was waiting to say what he wanted to say. He listened to me and I listened to him and together, we got to know each other.
He was an only child, which was a wild contrast to my four older siblings and seven nephews. His favorite color was purple, the same as mine. His music taste varied but has a strong love for alternative indie. And if he was stranded on an island, he would bring the Harry Potter series with him.
“Can I bring the whole series?” He asked. “Or do I have to pick one?”
“Oh good question,” I said. “I have no idea. Well, wait. I say you can bring the whole series only if I can also bring seven books.”
“I think that might be cheating,” he said laughing.
“I don’t make the rules, promise.”
From start to finish, the evening went smoothly. And when it was time to go, we hovered around the front of the bar for just a few more moments before going our own ways.
“I had a nice time tonight,” I said. “I was honestly so nervous about this but I think it went really well.”
“I agree,” he said. “We have to do this again sometime.”
“I’d love that.”
“I can’t wait for you to meet Cameron. He is going to love you.”
“Oh yeah” I felt my stomach drop just a little. “Wait, who is Cameron?”
“My boyfriend,” he said casually. My head began to pound.
“We have both been going on dates because we want to add a third to our relationship. You really would just fit so perfectly.”
I stood there in silence for a moment, staring at him, wondering at which point in our brief chat on the app and long conversations that evening I had given him any idea that that was what I was looking for.
“Ahhh, I am uh, I’m just gonna go. It was nice meeting you.” And as I turned I swear my eyes rolled so hard they almost fell out of my head. I pulled my phone out, opened up the dating app and went to Jason’s profile. Delete.
And then I walked home.
DATE TWO
After such a wonderful, and then weird, night with Jason, I wasn't completely sure why I agreed to go on another date from the app. But a guy named Brandon with tan skin and quirky framed glasses said hello and I couldn’t help but say it back.
Another date at another dimly lit and loud bar. Why was I doing this to myself? I showed up right
