made sure she painted a grim picture. She said I need to be a good girl, or I’d end up in the orphanage scrubbing toilets with my bare hands.
Sofia immediately set the rules for me. I was to wake up and log everything I did in a notebook she gave me. “At 7 am wake up, at 7:03 I went to the bathroom, at 7:05 I came out of the bathroom”, my whole day had to be logged in that precise manner. I was allowed 3 minutes to use the bathroom, 5 minutes for a shower. I was wondering how long I’d have to do this for; I thought it was a test of some sort. I figured if I do it right she would relax the rules later on.
I was enrolled in a high school. I was surprised to see how different this place was. So proper, and all the kids were so serious and well behaved; it was intimidating. The nuns were alright, seemed kind, but also very proper and serious. They rushed around quietly in black habits and soft soled shoes that allowed them to pop up anywhere without notice. Children walked quietly down the halls to the classrooms in their blue plaid uniforms. They all looked the same, they wore impeccable uniforms that looked so perfectly starched, and their white shirts so bright and ironed to perfection. This was an all girls school, no boys; boys seemed to have been labeled “dangerous”, and not allowed in the high school. “They are trouble” I was told by a nun when I came in to be enrolled at the beginning.
I was so excited to start school in a “grown up” school. When I just came to live with my cousin and her husband, Sofia used to take me out to the park in the evenings sometimes, to sit and talk and have ice cream with her. I thought we were off on a good foot; that is until school started. I struggled with the language; the text books had a language form that was too high register for me, and I fell behind fast. The school had no way of getting me help to catch up, or even tell me what was expected. I had no way of knowing what to do, and things went from bad to worse. My grades were dropping fast and I felt so lost.
I was soon to find out Sofia was not as nice as she seemed. Her temper showed itself the first time I failed to finish washing the dishes after dinner on time. I was moping the floor, just finishing up, when I looked up and saw her at the kitchen door. She said I was late, I had half hour to clean up the kitchen and it was 35 minutes now. She told me to take the mop and put it outside, then come back. I did immediately, seeing how she seemed so angry, I was getting worried. I came back in and she grabbed me by the arm, half dragged me upstairs to her room, grabbed a belt that was folded in half, sitting on her bed, and she started swinging it. She was hitting me wherever it landed. I tried to get away, but made things worse. I had never been hit with anything before; my mom didn’t have a reason to hit me; she never got angry at me like this. The worse that I had happen with my mom was that she would be disappointed because I kept failing at math. Disappointing her was painful to me, but this was a whole different thing that was happening now. I was a bit freaked out by it, and had no idea this could even happen. Do people do this? Is it normal?
I made a big mistake trying to talk to one of the nuns at school, asking for help. I explained what happened, and hoped she would help me. I expected to see shock in her face, instead she seemed calm. She told me I need to bring my grades up and be a better child. She said that at my age, it was my duty to go to school and get good grades; was that too much to ask? Then I realized when I got home, that she had talked to Sofia, so I got more beatings that night; I learned to keep things to myself from then on.
I quickly learned to stay under the radar, and try to stay safe from the dreaded belt. I was not allowed to have friends or go anywhere like the other students. I was to go to school every day and come directly home; I had chores and then dinner. After dinner I had more chores, wash dishes, do my laundry out in the patio. I had to iron and fold clothes a few times a week. Sofia would go out every evening, at 4 pm. I was to do all these things and then go to my room and do my homework.
I had a terrible time concentrating on my homework, I don’t know if it had to do with the language, or I was just a little slow. My grades kept falling, and I was labeled a dumb-ass and told I didn’t deserve to be like the other kids; so no TV for me, no outings, no friends. I had a radio in my room, I was allowed to use that, and music became my refuge.
At school, the other girls were kind to me; they said I had a good heart. They shared their lunch with me, since I was not given any. They included me in their conversations and I was even elected to be a cheer leader for the volleyball team. Later on my friends helped me obtain permission to go “practice” at the school in the evening once a week, on Thursdays. I was to be at the school from 5 to 6 pm. They made up this special practice session to get me out of the house, which now felt like a prison. I will never forget their kindness; they could have just as easily made fun of me, or bullied me for being different.
Chapter 2
Another kink in the system
Katie’s Journal Entry
After a year of enduring this stress and wondering if I really was so bad, it was confirmed. I was taken to my uncle’s Ruben’s house for a serious meeting in his office. I knew I was in big shit then, you see, he was my legal guardian. I was informed that I had frustrated my cousin Sofia to extreme. That she could not deal with me anymore and I was going to go live with my aunt Rita.
I was sent back to my cousin’s house and had to pack all my things. She was there with 2 of her sisters, Gloria and Elsa, they were having coffee and dessert, chatting while I packed. I could hear them chatting away happily, like nothing was wrong. They had nothing to worry about, since their lives were perfect. They had friends and a family who loved them. They had the lives they chose and seemed happy with themselves. Cousin Gloria was there to take me to my aunt Rita’s house. Cousin Sofia was avoiding me for the moment, she seemed so busy talking to her sisters and having a good time. I didn’t want to talk either, I was soon ready to go. I didn’t have many belongings anyway, cousin Gloria helped me carry my things to her car and we left. It was nice that she showed a little kindness in helping me out. All that cousin Sofia said, was that she had given it an honest try, but she cannot handle me. She added that it was not fair to her and her husband, that I am putting so much stress on her marriage.
I felt so bad, I don’t know what I did to deserve this I tried too, but it seems that my efforts were overlooked. I know I had bad grades, but I had a good heart, and I tried to be a good person. I just wanted to be accepted, maybe even loved.
I lived at my aunt Rita’s house for a few months, but then shit happened. I have no idea how I attract shit. It was bad, I rather not discuss it in writing, not now at least. Things just went from bad to terrible and in less than the span of an hour, my whole life changed. It felt like I finally had a cookie, and then someone came and spit on it, and it disintegrated in my hands.
I was to be shipped off to the only place that would take me. I was being sent away! For a moment I thought I was going to go live with my uncle or another aunt. But no, I was wrong again; I was being sent to a boarding school/orphanage. I was given a packing list and told that was all. I pleaded not to go, but my words just echoed and my uncle said he had made his decision, and it was final. He had come to pick me up, and told me to get my stuff and get in the car.
I later wondered, what could be worse than where I had been, anyway? When I was living with cousin Sofia and Hector, there were some days I was too terrified to come home. Other times I was just numb, and felt like I wasn’t even there while I was being punished. I didn’t care anymore, I just wanted it all to end; this has to be an improvement.
I was taken to a school on the other end of the city, I was dropped off at the convent side of it with other nuns. These nuns wore white habits, and seemed kinder happier, and more mild than the ones at the high school. I was welcomed by one of the nuns, and led into the kitchen, while I watched everyone milled around busily. A sweet nun with Rosie cheeks smiled at me, she
