Emotional changes
In your own world
Just remember that no stranger can offer more comfort or better advice than your own mother or the mother figure in your life. Who comforted, fed and clothed you during childhood and listened to your complaints? She is still the best person to go to when you need advice on difficult problems. Who, after all, loves you more or knows you better? Take her into your confidence when you feel unsure – about what you should wear, the birthday present you want, or matters of love.
But don’t forget your father or the father figure in your life. He’ll notice that you’re growing up and will no longer treat you like a little girl. At times it may feel like a chasm has opened up between you. This is not because your father is no longer interested in you, but because he is aware of your growing independence, and perhaps doesn’t want to interfere too much in your life.
When your parents or caregivers warn you to be more careful as you go out and about, or to study harder, it is because they care about your safety and want the best future for you. Try not to take it as personal criticism. If you feel moody and rudely say things you later wish you hadn’t, apologise. Remember, the breadwinners in your household work long and hard hours to care for all of you and are worthy of your respect. If young people are too rebellious and the parents too stubborn to be accommodating, the relationship between parents and children can be harmed. Psychologists call this the generation gap – where the communication channels between parents or parental figures and the child become impossible to navigate. Try to do your bit in making it possible for everyone to get on.
Do you know how much your mom and dad would appreciate it if you would simply go and chat to them or give them a hug like you used to? Just to show that nothing has changed in your heart and you are still glad that they care for you. A family shouldn’t live under the same roof and never interact with one another.
But before we get carried away with parent-child relationships, we should rather talk about other interesting experiences at this time in your life.
Mixed feelings
You may feel confused by the different anatomical names and physiological terms that I use in this book. Perhaps you and your family have used other words. But try to get used to the new terms – and at the same time, do not be ashamed of the names you use at home.
Your moodiness recently, clumsiness and periods of listlessness are signs that you are growing up. You may be anxious about your first menstruation (period) that is still to come. You’re probably impatient for this big event to start.
Your first period is an event to look forward to, because it’s the most important early sign that you’re becoming a woman. After that you’ll experience this mixed blessing (because menstruation has both advantages and disadvantages) just about every month. The average time between two periods (the length of your cycle) is about 28 days. It is quite normal, however, for this to vary in length between 21 and 35 days.
Shortly before your menarche (first menstruation) or shortly afterwards, your body will start producing an ovum (egg cell) every month. This process is called ovulation (read more on page 35). Once you have started to ovulate, you can fall pregnant if you have sexual intercourse with a man at a certain time in your monthly cycle. In other words, you are capable of motherhood.
To avoid being caught off guard by your periods, you should calculate the length of your cycle. From the very beginning, you should remember to mark the first day of menstruation on a calendar. If you do this regularly, you should be able to calculate the length of your menstrual cycle (the average number of days between the start of your periods) after a while. You should then be able to calculate approximately when to expect your next period, so that you are prepared for it. Bear in mind, however, that your menstrual cycle may be erratic in the beginning.
Menstruation can make your life unpleasant or uncomfortable, as it does for many women. In addition, it can also be painful. The pain, which varies from mild to quite severe (dysmenorrhoea), is usually felt as cramps in the lower back or abdomen. The pain normally only lasts for the first few days of menstruation and is seldom bad enough to restrict your activities.
In the premenstrual phase (the few days preceding menstruation), you might also experience pain and feel uncomfortable and swollen in your lower body.
It’s impossible to predict exactly when the first menstruation will occur. But there are a few warning signs which could serve as clues: About three to four years before a girl’s first menstruation, her breasts will form little bumps. About a year later, these bumps will swell noticeably, and 12 to 18 months before the menarche, fine hairs will start to grow on the pubis (the bulge above the genitals), as well as on the genitals themselves. About six months before the first menstruation, fine hair will appear in the armpits.
It is understandable that you’ll feel moody when you start menstruating, because it’s a huge adjustment for your body. For the first time you have to accept the fact that you are a young woman and it may take a while for you to grow used to your new identity.
The knowledge that you are a woman in your own right will be reinforced by the way other people start to accept and treat you as a woman.
Yet there are girls who are unhappy about being female and who secretly wish they were boys. They should consider the positive aspects and advantages of being a woman. A baby girl gets a grip on life more quickly, is less prone to illness, and walks and talks sooner than most boys. Girls have this advantage for life. At school, girls usually read, spell and recite better than boys. Girls also develop physically earlier than boys.
Women are better able to withstand cold and are less prone to heart disease than men. On average, women also live longer than men. Although a man can father many children, each child must first develop in a woman’s body before birth. Only a woman’s body is designed for this wonderful role; only a woman can bring a child into the world and feed it at her breast. These factors play a decisive role in keeping the family together.
The time when women were subordinate to men is long past. In today’s world women are treated as equal to men in almost all areas. Women nowadays tend to be more aware of their inner strength and dignity and have learned to assert themselves. There is no longer, as there was in the past, a separate world for men and women, each with its own traditional opportunities and set pattern of behaviour. You now have greater freedom to become the type of person you choose to be. Women today must join in the important task of setting new patterns of behaviour for both sexes.
Women and men get along better – at home, work and socially – when they treat each other as individuals with equal rights and abilities. It is believed by some that women are more emotional than men and experience love more deeply. These days there are men and women who do not share this belief. When women and men act like equal partners it gives them a wider range of professions to choose from and therefore a better chance of realising their talents. Men can become nurses, beauticians, chefs, fashion designers and professional flower arrangers (if they have the ability) and receive acclaim when they do well in their chosen field. Women can become engineers, veterinary surgeons, pilots and astronauts, and some even go into boxing or wrestling.
Men shouldn’t try to boss women around. A man can work for a female boss without compromising his masculinity in any way. It is already common for married couples – either by choice or from necessity – to decide that the father should look after the home and children while the mother earns a living. Such options are now open to everyone.
Society no longer determines what role people should play. Very
