arrived pretty much on schedule. During the year wait, Taylor kept asking, “Why can’t we just go get her?” “Why is this taking so long?” “Who is taking care of her?” “What if I never get a sister?”
Additionally, thinking about the pending adoption caused Taylor to begin to ponder his own adoption. He asked, “Why don’t some moms keep their babies?” “Where is my birth mom?” “Why didn’t she keep me?” “What would happen to me if something happened to you two?” “Where would I live?”
Shannon and Ed did their best to console Taylor regarding his questions and confusion about the arrival of the new baby. They had not expected so many adoption-related questions at age five!
Whether you are parenting a birth child or an adopted child, anticipate questions! Entering the adoption process sets off a host of thoughts! Expect basic questions such as “Where is he going to sleep?” “Are we getting a boy or a girl?” “Will she speak English?” Count on tougher questions like Taylor’s above. The array of queries is likely to be endless!
“Family Talk” about the sibling-to-be, school, and learning
“Dad and I want to talk to you about your new sister. She may not be able to learn as well as you. She will have to learn a new language when she moves here and she may have learning disabilities. These are problems that make it hard for her to understand what the teacher is saying.
“She may get very frustrated. Sometimes we will have to put her homework away and work on it another day, even though our rule for you will be to finish your homework before you go out with your friends.
“We may have to give her a lot of extra help with her homework. We may have to take her to tutoring. Sometimes you may have to find rides to football practice. We may not be able to play as much as we do now.
“If there are specific ways you can help us, we’ll let you know. Mostly, this is our problem. Your job is to be a kid.
“What do you think about the changes that may happen? Let’s sit down and figure out the things we do as a family. Which of these are most important to you? We want to continue the ones most important to you, even if your sister takes up a lot of our time.”
Chapter summary
• Parents must determine when to tell the typical children about their adoption plans. This news is best delivered when mothers and fathers have committed to expanding their family via adoption.
• Brothers’ and sisters’ need for information parallels that of their parents. Sharing knowledge among family members contributes to the adjustment of parents and all the sons and daughters. Education is the key to success for the family built by adoption.
• Children—ages pre-school through adolescence—have life experiences. This knowledge can be utilized as a springboard to “family talks.” Parents take the lead in imparting learning on the resident kids. Parents initiate follow-up conversations as well. Extend plenty of opportunities for questions. Offer honest responses to your birth and/or previously adopted kids’ queries.
• A menu of ways exists to help your children (and yourselves) prepare for the arrival of the new child. Devour each method of pre-adoption education. Your journey will be better if full of information!
• Anticipate lots of questions from your resident sons and daughters. If your family composition includes an adoptee, a second, third, or fourth adoption will act as a trigger. That is, these kids will likely enter a process of rethinking the circumstances that led to their own adoption. Contemplate, in advance, the types of queries your sons and daughters might put forth. Formulate some responses.
Конец ознакомительного фрагмента.
Текст предоставлен ООО «ЛитРес».
Прочитайте эту книгу целиком, купив полную легальную версию на ЛитРес.
Безопасно оплатить книгу можно банковской картой Visa, MasterCard, Maestro, со счета мобильного телефона, с платежного терминала, в салоне МТС или Связной, через PayPal, WebMoney, Яндекс.Деньги, QIWI Кошелек, бонусными картами или другим удобным Вам способом.
