is The Blob, not The Glob—although that has a nice ring to it, too.
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Positive Feedback
Hi, Pumpkin!
Hope everything is fine in sunny L.A.
I’m happy to report that I’m getting lots of positive feedback on my new toupee. Why, just this morning at the bank, the teller said she’d never in all her life seen hair quite like mine. I can’t wait to show it off at cousin Cindy’s wedding next week.
Your mother, however, is still making fun of it. She says it’s made from squirrel hair. Which is ridiculous. Because it says on the label that it’s made in Guam. And I don’t think they have squirrels in Guam, do they?
Got to run. Mom wants to go for a walk on the beach.
Your loving,
Daddy
To: Jausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: Like a Dog with a Frisbee
Just back from the beach. It was very windy, and at first I thought everything was going to work out just fine. We hadn’t gone two steps, when the toupee flew off Daddy’s head. But he ran after it and caught it. The damn thing kept flying off, and he kept running after it and catching it. Like a dog with a frisbee. After a while, he gave up and put it in his pocket.
Of course, it got full of sand, and even though he’s shaken it out a million times, sand still keeps falling out of it. So now your father has the only toupee in the world with built-in dandruff.
To: Justen
From: DaddyO
Subject: Here’s a Cute One
Here’s a cute one for you, lambchop: What happens when you take Viagra and ExLax? You can’t tell which way you’re going!
To: DaddyO
From: Jausten
Daddy I think the punchline is supposed to be: You can’t tell if you’re coming or going.
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Are you sure? I thought it was funnier my way. I told it to the guys down at the clubhouse, and they couldn’t stop laughing. It’s amazing. Ever since I got my toupee, people find me so much more amusing than they used to. Sometimes they start laughing before I even finish my jokes.
To: Jausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: The Most Marvelous Idea
I’ve just had the most marvelous idea. I know how to get rid of Daddy’s toupee. It’s all so simple, really.
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