into the ‘or something’ category. Sherri was my wingman a few times. She’d go with me and sit at another table in case things went south and they often did. Like with that jackleg preacher,” she said with a shudder.
“How did you meet him and what went wrong?”
“Are you sure you’ve got time to listen to this drivel? Because if I try to tell you about each one it could take all day,” Alexis warned.
“I’ve got plenty of time. Todd is with Mama, helping her to organize the rest of the things she wants to move to Chicago. Closing a house you’ve lived in as long as she lived there is more than a notion. He won’t mind if we take our time. He adores Momma and the feeling is quite mutual. They just love each other. So if you can find me something to put my chubby pregnant-lady feet on, I’m good to go. After I pee again,” she said thoughtfully. “I think they take turns jumping on my bladder. They must be boys because sweet little girls wouldn’t do that to their mommy.”
Sherri looked wise and shook her head gently as Emily went to the bathroom once again. “Sydney got in a few good kicks from time to time,” she said, referring to her little girl. “She liked music and she’d dance whenever she felt like it. She also seemed to respond to football games because she loved marching bands. If a game was on, she’d be marching along in my belly like a drum major. As you know, I was sure she was gonna be a total tomboy but she’s turning out to be a regular little princess. She still loves football, but only from the stands. Soccer and dance are her main interests for now. And yep, she used to tap dance on my bladder with great frequency.”
“You don’t have to remind me,” Alexis said. “We were with you every step of the way, if you recall.”
Emily came back into the kitchen in time to agree with Alexis’s last statement. “Let’s elevate my mother-to-be cankles, please. And then I want the real deal, no more stalling!” Emily said firmly.
“Fine, but don’t say I didn’t warn you, chick. These are some scary tales straight from the crypt of broken dreams. Don’t blame me if you have bad dreams tonight.”
After they retired to the comfortable living room and Emily’s feet were propped on an ottoman, it was story time.
“I guess I should do this in chronological order,” Alexis said thoughtfully. “That way you can see how my lovely hopes and dreams got smashed into bits on the ugly cliffs of reality.”
Emily had to swallow a laugh. “You’re still the queen of melodrama, aren’t you?”
Sherri assured her that she was. “Some things never change.”
“And you know this,” Alexis said with a spot-on imitation of a royal wave. “Now, if you harpies would quit picking on me I’ll tell Emily the sad tales of romance gone wrong. Sherri is my witness. I wasn’t going anywhere alone with a strange man so I would have the guy meet me and Sherri would be there, too, discreetly, of course. Anyway, the first guy was a cousin of a very nice lady from my church. You know they always say that, when you want to meet someone, you should let your friends know so they can hook you up. And what’s better than a church hookup, right? I was pretty sure that Mrs. Grice wouldn’t introduce me to a serial killer, you know?
“His name is Herbert and he’s a teacher. He’s also getting a degree in theology, or so he said. Not good-looking, not bad looking, just average. No real personality, but he was pleasant enough until he told me I was the darkest woman he’d ever dated. And how surprised he was at how pretty I am.”
Emily’s eyes got huge and her mouth fell open. “Girl, no he didn’t!”
“Oh, yes, he did. It was bad enough that he brought up the subject in the first place, but the dummy wouldn’t let it go. He kept talking about it like I was the eighth wonder of the world or something.”
Alexis was indeed the proud possessor of a complexion as dark as chocolate and as smooth as the finest silk. She was also extremely fashionable. She wore her glossy black hair in a short, chic style like Halle Berry’s and it showed off her features beautifully. Alexis wore sleek, contemporary clothes in dazzling colors that brought out her rich coloring and made her look like the best-dressed woman in any room she entered. To some, Sherri, Emily and Alexis made an odd-looking trio. Emily was tall and brown, Sherri even taller and very fair skinned and Alexis the shortest of the trio with her chocolate-brown complexion. She had a hard time getting her head around the concept of being color-struck but there were still folks who clung to the idea that lighter skin was more desirable. It was so silly to Alexis that she generally just ignored the idea and all it implied. When she did stumble over someone who voiced their preference in pigmentation, it was like meeting someone who thought the earth was flat or who believed in alchemy. Alexis rarely encountered the outdated concept unless she was talking to someone who was really dense like Herbert.
Alexis could remember the exact moment when she knew Herbert was going to say something ignorant that would get him placed in her little red book of losers from which there was no hope of return. They met at the restaurant, which was his pick. It wasn’t a four-star gourmet establishment, but it was nice enough for a first date, especially if the male wasn’t foolish enough to expect after-dinner sex. That wasn’t gonna be happening tonight or any other night, ever, no matter how needy she was. Alexis was her usual calm, reserved self, if she had to say so herself; she was ladylike and accepting of his humor; she contributed to the conversation in a friendly manner as long as it didn’t veer into the ridiculous. When she caught him staring at her as if she possessed the secret location of the Holy Grail, she knew he was about to blurt out something she’d regret hearing and sure enough, he did.
“All the women I’ve ever dated have been either light skinned or very pale brown,” he said.
Alexis wisely held her tongue because if she opened her mouth, she’d let go with a stream of vitriol that would land her on the local news at the very least, and quite possibly on the internet. Everybody had a cell phone these days; people who couldn’t balance a checkbook knew how to upload scandalous videos to the web. Instead of lashing out at him, she adopted the expression she used when dealing with social misfits like Herbert. It was a bland, patient expression that gave away nothing but covered a variety of unpleasant reactions. To Alexis’s delight, a large piece of lettuce had lodged itself between his front teeth and she wasn’t about to tell him. It was much too pleasurable to observe his stupid grin with the random bit of greenery adorning it. He just kept rattling on, unaware of the fury that was mounting across the table.
“I’ve never dated anyone who couldn’t go to a paper bag party,” he confided. “But you’re so pretty, they’d have to let you in even though you’re so dark. Your hair even looks good, but it would be better long. How come you don’t get a weave?”
Emily’s laugh was choked off by a gasp of horror. “Girl, no he didn’t! What an idiot.”
“That was the main reason, of course, but he also took my doggie bag,” Alexis said dryly.
“He did what?” Emily stopped in the middle of wiping away tears of laughter to stare at Alexis.
“We went to that Chinese restaurant that serves those huge portions. There was enough food on my plate for three people at least. I couldn’t eat it all and I asked for a to-go box. He promptly confiscated it and took it home with him!”
Emily looked totally stymied by this revelation. “Well, maybe he…”
“Don’t try to make excuses for him. He actually said something about how he paid for it and he should be the one to eat it. Sherri
