must be so hard,” she said, fighting sadness. “To lose your spouse when you’re both so young. They would have expected to have a lifetime together and she’s gone.”
“Don’t,” her sister said, her voice kind. “You were going to say you want that, too.”
“Not the dying part. Just the rest of it. You know. Love. The forever kind.”
They looked at each other, then Margot slowly shook her head. “You know it’s not in our DNA.”
“It could be. I want it to be. At least Connor has something to mourn. I don’t. Just a dozen or so bad relationships that I knew were never going anywhere, yet there I was, running out on my life at the first sign of interest. Normal, sensible people don’t do that.”
“Is that what we’re going to be?”
“It’s a good goal. You’re halfway there.”
“Oh please.” Margot picked up her champagne. “I’ve spent the better part of five years being stuck because of a man and the last few years trying to avoid him. I spend so much time trying not to think about him, I can’t seem to think about anyone else. I’m great at my job and sucky at my personal life.”
“You’re not.”
“I am a little.”
Sunshine knew that was kind of true. “I want to be proud of myself,” she admitted. “I want to be a better person and fall in love with someone great. I want a future, not a fling.”
“The normal thing you love so much.”
“You mock normal, but you’d like it, too. You’re just afraid to try. You don’t think you’re capable of loving anyone but Dietrich.”
Margot winced. “While true, a little hedging wouldn’t be out of line.”
“Sorry. I’ll hedge next time.”
Margot thought for a second. “All right, I’ll say it. I want to put my past behind me and move on. I would like to find out if I’m capable of loving someone else. Someone who’s actually good for me.”
“Here’s to us being brave,” Sunshine said, raising her glass. “Or at the very least, not being rash.”
Margot laughed. “To avoiding rashes.”
After brunch, Sunshine ran a few errands before returning to the house. She wanted to spend a couple of hours looking over her incredibly huge math textbook. She’d flipped through the first few chapters twice and still wasn’t sure any part of it was written in English, but maybe this time it would all make sense.
She tried to tell herself that she was taking the class to learn and if she already understood the material, what was the point, but she wasn’t totally convinced. Shouldn’t she at least know something?
She parked her used Honda Civic next to Declan’s BMW SUV, then went inside. After changing into cropped pants and a T-shirt, she headed for the kitchen. She could hear Connor and Declan outside, playing. She filled two glasses with ice and water, and set them out on the counter. She was about to retreat to her room when Declan walked into the kitchen.
He grinned when he saw her. “You’re back. How was your brunch?”
He was casually dressed. His shoulders stretched the seams of his T-shirt and the fabric was soft looking and faded.
“Good. I met my sister. It’s my great-grandmother’s birthday. She died shortly after we graduated from high school but we always go out on her birthday. She would like that we remembered, then she would scold us, pointing out how much sugar was in champagne and that it would go straight to my thighs. Then she would tell me to sit up straight.”
His eyebrows drew together. “She sounds, ah, interesting.”
“She was a pistol, as they say. Until she retired well into her eighties, she ran her own business.” Sunshine made air quotes. “Mrs. Baxter’s School of Charm and Decorum. And no, I’m not kidding.”
“I don’t even know what that is.”
“My great-grandmother helped young women become beauty queens. She desperately wanted to train a Miss America, but the closest she got was a runner-up. We were her last hope, but it wasn’t going to happen. I was more than willing, but hardly beauty pageant material.”
Declan looked even more confused. “Why not?”
“Men,” she said with a grin. “I’m too short and way too curvy. Margot’s the beauty in the family. Tall, thin, gorgeous. But she couldn’t deal with the whole being on stage thing. She would either faint or barf. Not a winning strategy. When we were fourteen, Francine closed the school and we moved to Las Vegas.”
“My head is spinning,” Declan told her. “I had no idea you had such a checkered past.”
“There are surprising depths. Just let me know if you ever want to learn a three-point runway turn. I’m an expert.”
“Now you’re scaring me.”
Connor ran into the kitchen. “Da-ad! I’ve been waiting forever.” He turned. “Sunshine! You’re back.” He rushed to her, wrapping his arms around her waist. “We’re playing outside. Come with us.”
“Connor, we’ve talked about this. It’s Sunshine’s day off. We need to leave her alone.”
Connor pushed up his glasses and nodded slowly as he stepped back. “Sorry, Sunshine.”
She knew the importance of keeping to a regular schedule, but it was tough when Connor had such a firm grip on her heartstrings.
She touched his cheek. “I have a couple of things I have to do, but what if I join you for dinner?” She glanced at Declan. “If that’s all right with you.”
Connor jumped up and down. “Yes! Yes! Dad’s barbecuing burgers, and say yes, Dad!”
Declan’s expression turned rueful. “It appears I’m no longer the favorite.”
“I’m new,” Sunshine told him. “And shiny. I’ll tarnish in time.”
“I’m not holding my breath.” He wrapped his arms around Connor. “Come on, you. We’re going back outside. Sunshine, you are welcome to join us for dinner.”
“Thanks. I will.”
She retreated to her room and stared at the massive textbook on her desk. Just carrying it was going to be a workout. But instead of sitting down and trying to make sense of the first chapter, she walked to the window where she could watch Declan and Connor. They sat on the grass, drinking the water she’d left out for them.
It was obvious how much they cared about each other. They were a family—still healing from an incredible loss, but connected all the same. She wanted that. Love and belonging, something real. Something more than being the flavor of the month. She was willing to change, to be different and try new things to make that happen. What she didn’t know was whether or not she could escape who she was and the
