not to dwell on the fact that her skin was tingling simply because Max was near.
She came further into the room, noticing for the first time the clutter of bulging shopping bags at the far end. Max had apparently, at some point during his day-long absence, found time to stock up on grocery supplies. ‘You haven’t answered my question. Do you have a new nanny organised?’
He pushed his plate and the documents aside and gestured for her to join him.
She did. Reluctantly. Nobody liked to be fired, after all, and that was what Max was bound to do to her any moment now.
Up close, Max looked even more tired, and she acknowledged that her presence here hadn’t helped him, much as she had believed it could. Even though she still believed she could assist him a great deal with his sons, it wasn’t going to happen.
Phoebe decided that she would rather bow out of her own accord than have Max push her. Given their propensity towards wanting to kill each other on sight, she supposed it was no surprise that Max didn’t want her here.
The inexplicable heat they seemed to be generating between them was simply another complication to pile on to the rest. Max didn’t like complications. Phoebe didn’t either, really.
Still, something in the region of her heart ached at the thought of leaving. She told herself to ignore it. Just so long as Max had made acceptable arrangements. The boys had to come first, no matter what.
‘I can be out of here any time you want, Max.’ There. She had made it easy for him, and it barely felt like cutting out a piece of herself at all. Phoebe was used to taking care of herself. This time would be no different. ‘I only came to help you because I thought you wanted me and were in a bad way.’
‘I was in a bad way.’ The admission was gruff.
‘Yes, you were in a mess.’ She smiled to let him know she meant no malice by the comment. ‘For what it’s worth, Jake and Josh have had a reasonable day. I did my best to keep them busy.’
‘And cleaned up most of the house while you were at it.’ He shook his head. ‘You didn’t have to—’
‘I know.’ Even so, it had been kind of fun, playing house for a while in something larger than a shoe box. Dangerous, too, though, because playing house was too close to playing happy families. To falling in love with the boys. To wanting Max, and aching for things she could never have.
Argh! Phoebe suppressed the aggravated screech building up inside her. She must need to get out in the sunshine more or something. Build up the happy vibes inside her head and put a stop to these underrated, overdramatised, ridiculous yearnings.
‘Sometimes it’s better for little children to get the feeling that you’re simply going about your business,’ she said, pulling herself back to the conversation with some difficulty, ‘with them tagging along. It takes the pressure off them a bit. Anyway, it was just for the day.’
Now that the time had come to bow out she found it difficult to come up with the right words, but she promised herself she would get there somehow. No way would she allow Max to even suspect that she didn’t want to move on. ‘So, when does the new nanny arrive? Tonight? Is she from Sydney? Travelling out by car? I can be out of your hair in no time.’ Once I check her over and decide she’s okay. ‘You’ll barely notice I’ve been here.’
This seemed to amuse Max, for he glanced at her in a rather comprehensive way and shook his head. ‘You’re a lot of things, Phoebe, but unnoticeable isn’t one of them. Everything about you draws attention, whether you intend it to or not.’
‘I don’t see how that can be true.’ Or at least not in a positive way. Basically, she considered herself to be a mere blob on the greater canvas of life. If she were to be abducted by aliens tomorrow, who would even care? Katherine, she supposed, but that was about it. Max would probably send the aliens a sympathy card.
Max’s rich laugh rang out. ‘Don’t you? What about the way you dress, for starters?’
‘Dress?’ Oh, that. She chose her clothing from second-hand shops mostly, or bought cheap from warehouses when she got the chance. ‘I admit I don’t dress like a business executive, but then—’ she shrugged ‘—I’m not one.’
‘The guitar and the emblem? Those are not attention-getters?’
For a moment she didn’t understand what he was talking about. She certainly wasn’t any kind of musician. Then she glanced down at her T-shirt. Although faded now, it sported a screen print of an electric guitar, with the words Bite Me emblazoned across the front.
‘This thing?’ She shrugged. ‘It was, um, a gift from a band member I knew once. I could hardly refuse to wear it.’
With Max examining the article so thoroughly, she felt very aware of her bareness underneath.
To distract herself, she peered across the kitchen at the groceries and noticed a bag overflowing with bananas. ‘Are you sure you haven’t overdone it on the fruit? I hope half of that doesn’t go to waste.’
Max followed the direction of her gaze. ‘I bought them for the banana-smoothie freak.’
‘What? But I won’t be here.’ Banana smoothies were a long-time passion of hers, a fact that both Max and Katherine knew well. Phoebe stood up and padded across the room to poke the bag with one foot.
Did he mean to give her the bananas as some sort of parting gift? Then a different thought occurred. ‘Oh. Does the new nanny like banana smoothies too?’
‘There is no new nanny.’ Max joined her beside the pile of bags. His voice roughened to a gruff rumble. ‘There’s just you and a heap of bananas. You might as well stay long enough to eat them.’
It wasn’t the warmest invitation-cum-job-affirmation she had ever had. And it was painfully temporary. Despite all this, her heart lifted. She could stay. Help the boys. Enjoy….
Hello. Stop sign, here. No dreaming the impossible, remember?
‘What happened? Did the boys’ reputations scare off all the contenders?’ She didn’t mean that. In fact, she felt Max had greatly exaggerated any behavioural challenges they may have displayed since they’d arrived.
Frankly, they struck her as two very normal, very vigorous little boys who’d recently lost their mother and didn’t quite know what to do with their new surroundings. ‘No, even though they’re a little out of sorts at the moment, I find that hard to believe. You must be looking in the wrong places.’
‘Trust me, I looked. I asked. I phoned around.’
‘For an hour tops this morning, then you disappeared. Are you telling me you spent all day scouring agencies and came home empty-handed?’ Foolishly, a part of her needed to believe that Max had really wanted to keep her on. She slapped that part down hard.
‘I started. I met a few people.’ Frustration filtered into Max’s tone. ‘An old bag with a pursed-up mouth, a woman who was so out of shape she got puffed getting out of her chair. Cranky nannies, stupid ones, disciplinarians in sheep’s clothing.’
He made a chopping motion with his hand. ‘It wasn’t working. None of them felt right. I gave up and spent the afternoon at my office, trying to get some
