you always this cool under pressure?” she asked.
“When you work in a battlefield, you have to be cool.”
“But this isn’t a battlefield, Matt, and you’re not working.”
“No, I’m not. But what I am doing is trying to figure out where this conversation goes from here. It’s a first for me.”
“How about something where you’re very excited about becoming a dad. Or you’re very angry. Either one would be a start.”
“But I’m not excited. Not angry either. I’m just...stunned. That’s big news and I need some time to let it sink in.”
“I’m not here to pressure you,” Ellie said. “But I didn’t think this kind of news should be dealt with over the phone, which is the real reason I’m here. I came to tell you in person. So, any initial thoughts...reactions?”
He poured himself a glass of margarita, took a long drink, then finally looked at her. “Numb. I’m numb. And shocked. And confused.” He took another drink. “So, now it’s your turn. Tell me how you’re feeling.”
Ellie actually laughed. “At first, pretty much the same way you are. I didn’t plan this, Matt. We used protection. I know you mentioned that the condom had slipped but I wasn’t fertile—at least, I shouldn’t have been. I mean, having a little fling in a hotel with a stranger isn’t me. I’ve never done that before. Then to have this happen as a result...” She shook her head. “It certainly changes things, doesn’t it?”
It did, and he wasn’t anywhere close to being ready to think about them. First things first. He had to come to terms with a baby—his baby—coming into this world in what he estimated to be about another twenty-three weeks, give or take. “So, should I ask the obvious? Are you sure it’s mine?”
“You were the first man I’d been involved with in over four years, and there’s been nobody since. But, if you need proof, we could have tests...”
This discussion was too rigid. It was as if they were talking about something impersonal, like what kind of tongue depressors to order. But damn. Matt didn’t know the etiquette or protocol for this kind of situation, if there was such a thing. “No. I don’t need proof.” He trusted her. Even though he didn’t know Ellie that well, something about her made Matt trust her. Maybe because she was—different. Very honest, very open. He’d found that an attractive quality when he’d met her in Reno.
This is what it is, Matt. No strings. Only a diversion for a night. Can you handle that?
It was especially attractive as no one in his life had ever been open or honest with him. Going for a walk, his old man would say. Be right back. Except right back often turned into two or three weeks. There’ll be food on the table tonight, son. I just got paid. Except the only thing on the table was an empty booze bottle.
So, yes, he appreciated her honesty. Now more than before. “I believe you. So, what’s the bottom line here, Ellie?” It occurred to him he didn’t even know her real name. Was Ellie short for Eleanor or Elizabeth or Elena? And did she have a middle name?
“The bottom line is I came to Forgeburn to see if you want to be involved in this. It’s your child, too, and you have every right to be a father in any way you want.”
“You don’t mince words, do you?”
“Like I said about the Landers women... Anyway, I knew after I passed out you’d probably suspect something like this. Especially since we were just a fling. So why bother pretending it’s anything other than what it is? We took the first step together in creating this child, I took the second step in coming here to tell you, so now the next step is yours.”
“As in financial obligation? Because I don’t have a lot. I’m military, not private sector. But I’ll certainly do my part.”
“I was thinking something a little more substantial than that.”
Matt swallowed hard. Something was coming, and it wasn’t going to be good. “Define more substantial.”
“Well, I’m not going to raise this baby. I don’t want to be a single mom the way my mother and grandmother both were. The women in my family lack maternal instinct, and this baby wasn’t in my plan. But I want to make sure he, or she, gets the best possible start in life. After that, I’m going to step aside because my life won’t accommodate a child, and I don’t want to raise a child the way my mother raised me—with tutors and nannies. Which is what would happen, given my involvements. Children need more than that, more than I had, and I don’t have what they need. I’m smart enough to realize that. So, for starters, no abortion. We created this child, and it deserves a chance at life. Even though I’m only eighteen weeks along, I feel...an attachment.”
Ellie paused for a moment, and her eyes went distant. Maybe to a place where she was holding the baby or singing it a lullaby. That’s where Matt’s mind was for that instant. The two of them, huddled together with their baby, looking so happy. But the image disappeared, to be replaced by an image of a battlefield surgery, and the blood, the distant gunshots. “So, if you’ve ruled out abortion...”
“The reason I’m here is to ask you if you want to raise the baby. Take full custody, let me pay you child support, and allow me to step away from it. At least, that was my intention before I knew you were still in the army, so now...”
Matt swallowed hard, again. He knew what was on the other end of that sentence. Because if he didn’t, she’d give the child—his child—up for adoption. How was it that just a few simple weeks ago his life was set? He knew where he wanted to be, and what he wanted to be doing. And now he had not one but two children who were both on the verge of being given up. Damn, what was he going to do about that?
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