hadn’t truly cried in years, but right now tears threatened as everything—past, present, future—seemed to overwhelm her. It was like she was standing at a crossroads and it was too painful to go back, too frightening to move forward, but impossible to stay where she was.
She’d never felt more alone.
“What do you want from me, Blake?”
There was a long pause. “Nothing.”
“It doesn’t feel like nothing. That didn’t feel like nothing.” She lifted her chin, challenging. “Do you want to sleep with me?” she pushed. “Or was it just a kiss? Out of the blue, perhaps? Maybe you just got caught up in the moment? Or were you looking for something more from a poor confused girl who needs fixing?”
He ran a hand over his hair. “Dammit, Hope, I don’t know!”
The words rang out, followed by a crystal clear silence between them.
“No, you don’t,” she said quietly. “And it’s unfair to take things further when neither of us knows what we want.”
“Why did you touch me, then?”
He turned the tables and butterflies started winging their way through her stomach again. She could still feel the texture of the skin on his cheek, marveled at the strength of him and the vulnerability, too.
She ignored the question. “Blake, we both know this is a mistake. Let’s just chalk it up to some spiced rum and holiday spirit and leave it at that. There’s no sense complicating it with things that will never be, and we both know it.”
“So reasonable,” he replied, his eyes blazing.
“I don’t want to get hurt,” she answered.
“You think you could?” He took a step closer.
“I might,” she admitted.
He didn’t know how many feelings had truly come to the surface during this trip. Didn’t know how many barriers he’d broken down simply by being himself. He could never know that.
Shaken, she looked up at him. “I need some time. A little while to...”
He nodded. “Fine. I’ll clean up here.”
“You’re sure?”
His eyes seemed to see everything, to see right through to the heart of her as he nodded. “I’m sure. You go on.”
She turned and fled the room, heading for her bedroom.
When she got there she closed the door carefully and sat on the bed. She bit down on her lip. Longings she hadn’t allowed herself for years had surfaced, all resurrected by the power of his kiss. She’d felt beautiful, cherished, strong and capable of anything. But now it was over she was faced with the truth. She was an emotional wreck. She didn’t know how to love, didn’t know how to trust anyone. She’d failed so many times to hold her family together. She’d wanted so many things for them all and instead they’d ended up at opposite ends of the globe. Her mother, father, Faith, Grace...all spread out.
She remembered Gram’s weary words the day she’d finally given up.
“You can’t take the happiness of so many on your own shoulders,” Gram had said wisely. “It’s okay, Hope. You can let it go.”
She’d let go of the responsibility, but she’d let go of her family, too.
And she missed them. Despite their differences and distance, she missed them.
She dried her tears and blew her nose. She had to stop thinking about Blake and put things in perspective. A few days from now and she’d be in Beckett’s Run.
She decided to forget about long distance and roaming charges and dialed Faith’s number. She needed a sister, and in her fragile state she wanted Faith, who had always been the gentlest of the three of them. Faith, who would be easier to talk to than Grace right now.
“Hello?” came a sleepy voice after the fourth ring.
“Crikey, I forgot about the time difference.” Hope calculated in her head and realized that it was nearly midnight in England.
“Hope?” Incredulity colored her sister’s voice.
“I really am sorry, Faith. Go back to sleep.”
“I wasn’t asleep.” There was a sigh from the other end. “Is everything okay?”
“How did you know it was me?” Hope lay down on the bed, sinking into the pillows.
“I don’t know many people who say ‘crikey’ in an American accent.”
“Right...”
“Are you okay, Hope?” Faith’s normally gentle voice held a note of worry. “You never call. And you sound...” She paused. “Is Gram okay?”
That was part of the problem, wasn’t it? She never called. And now that Hope had her sister on the phone, she didn’t know what to say.
“Gram’s okay and so am I.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
Hope sighed and leaned back on the pillows. “I was just wondering... Does it strike you funny that Gram has asked all three of us to do favors for old friends? I mean, me with the photos, you and the stained glass—and Gram said Grace is going back to Beckett’s Run...”
“I don’t follow.”
“Well...” Hope brushed her hand over her eyes. “I mean right smack in the middle of all three are...”
“Men?”
There was an acerbic tone to Faith’s voice that made Hope sit up. “Yes,” she said emphatically. “You know Grace is going to see J.C. when she’s back? And this Marcus guy, for example...what’s his deal?”
“You mean Lord Westerham?” Faith huffed out a sigh. “He’s a thorn in my side, that’s all.”
“I hear that,” Hope replied, sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed. “Blake is driving me crazy.”
“Crazy good?”
Now, that was a loaded question. “Truthfully?”
“I could use a diversion. What happened?”
“We kissed. That’s all.”
She could nearly hear Faith’s smile through the phone.
“You kissed? That’s all?”
“That’s what I said.”
“You didn’t sleep with him?”
“Faith!”
Faith’s soft laugh echoed
