and excitement.
He could see that she had worked hard to get the life she had. He didn’t want to jeopardize her and Jamie’s stable world and he’d wrestled with his feelings but tonight, it felt like a physical impossibility to ignore those feelings.
Ben kept hold of her hand and their bodies drew closer. The night was clear and Ben automatically looked up. There was a large pale moon and the sky was pinpricked with thousands of twinkling stars. ‘Did you know Scotland was one of the best places in the world to stargaze?’ he asked.
‘Is it something to do with long winter nights?’
‘That’s one of the reasons.’ He smiled. ‘It’s also because Scotland has a low population density so there’s less light pollution, which makes it easier to see.’
Ben stopped walking and slipped his hand around Eva’s waist, pointing with his free hand to a particular point in the sky. ‘Can you see the big dipper?’
Eva looked up, her eyes roaming the darkness before nodding after a few moments.
‘Now, focus in on the point where the handle of the big dipper meets the cup and draw an imaginary line from that point to the last star in the handle of the little dipper across from it.’
‘Ok-kay, think I got it.’
‘That line goes right through Cassiopeia – do you see? Those five bright stars making a W shape?’ He traced the shape with his finger, watching Eva as her eyes scanned the sky until suddenly her face burst into a delighted smile as she recognized the formation.
‘I see it!’
‘That’s Cassiopeia, a constellation in the northern sky.’
‘Wow. Why’s it called Cassiopeia?’
‘Traditionally constellations are named after a mythological figure. Cassiopeia was supposed to be a vain queen who boasted about her unrivalled beauty.’
‘Really?’
Ben gazed at Eva, who didn’t seem to have a shred of vanity or to be aware of just how beautiful she was and it was driving him crazy. She was looking at him now, her green gaze intense and her lips slightly parted. He gently pulled her in towards him and tipped her chin with his finger, moving it towards his face so that their mouths were tantalizingly close.
‘I don’t think you have any idea how beautiful you are.’ He brushed his mouth against hers.
‘I don’t?’ she mumbled, her body moving in closer.
Ben felt consumed by a need for the feel of her and knew it was impossible for him to ignore the rush of desire invading every inch of his body. His finger trailed along her collarbone, up her neck and then around the shape of her lips. Very slowly he cupped her face and looked deep into her eyes, needing to know if she felt the same. She stared back into his eyes and answered his unspoken question by bringing her lips up to meet his again, her hands sliding to the back of his neck.
This time the kiss was long and deep. He heard her murmur his name and as she moved herself closer into him he felt the softness of her body against him and the feeling was so much more than he ever could have imagined.
Eva’s world felt different. She was waking in the same bed, in the same house but instead of turning to check the time, she turned the other way to see Ben lying beside her. In the soft morning light still half asleep, Eva could almost believe it was all a dream. But the gentle fall and rise of his chest told her it was real. She could reach out and touch him if she wanted. But for now, she allowed herself a few moments to luxuriate in simply studying his sleeping form, content to watch him as memories from the previous evening flitted pleasurably through her mind.
Last night, just for those few hours she had felt different. She had felt carefree in a way she hadn’t for years. She hadn’t been a mother, a widow, a business owner. Just herself, Eva. She had been transported to another world, a world of dancing and laughing and Ben. They had stumbled upstairs touching and teasing – Eva making Ben guess which door led to her bedroom. Then they had fallen silent, nervous to take the next step. She had felt madly self-conscious about her body, unsure she would know what to do.
But when Ben had gently removed Eva’s dress, the look on his face told her she needn’t have worried. His eyes devoured her body and Eva had fallen into his arms, their lovemaking urgent and frantic as they discovered and explored each other. And then later Ben had made love to her again, this time slowly – the most sensual experience Eva had ever known – until finally they had fallen asleep.
Now she stretched out and sighed softly. No Jamie, no guests. Just her and Ben and it felt wonderful. Deep down she knew this was something she hadn’t come close to before. She thought of Paul, how he had swept her away in a tide of excitement. She felt guilty for thinking it – he was the father of her child after all – but he hadn’t aroused the feelings now engulfing Eva. It scared her, excited her. It made her feel strong yet vulnerable. It made her want to reach out and grab it and yet at the same time run and hide from it.
She knew she could get hurt so badly. She felt like something in her was awakening for the first time and she loved and hated Ben at the same time for making her feel like this. She could see now all the barriers she had built to keep herself safe and knew in one night Ben had smashed them all down.
She studied him for a few moments, her eyes savouring his toned, lean body, which had brought her such joy last night. And then she felt the cold hand of reality begin to slide over her. Anxiety and doubt crept in as she wondered what would happen now. What had she done? Quietly she slipped out of bed, pulled a T-shirt over her head, padded through to the bathroom, and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes held an undeniable sparkle and her skin glowed. It was still quite early but she knew Heather would be up – she was a fellow lark; the woman never slept in.
‘Hi, Eva. Everything all right?’ Eva smiled at the sound of her friend’s voice.
‘I’m a bad mother.’
‘Okay. And why’s that exactly?’
‘Ben’s in my bed!’
Her friend only missed a single beat before responding. ‘And how does that make you a bad mother exactly?’
‘My son goes away for the first time ever and I bring a man home! What kind of a mother does that make me?’
‘Er, the human red-blooded kind?’
‘Well you would say that. But I feel like a terrible human at the moment.’
‘Eva, think about this. Ben’s a nice person isn’t he? He’s intelligent … oh yes and he’s flipping gorgeous. You’re probably just in shock this has happened. Please, Eva, just for once, enjoy the moment.’
Eva felt her shoulders relax, allowing Heather’s words to infiltrate some part of her brain. ‘You’re right.’
‘You shouldn’t be talking to me. Go and be with him. I’m assuming underneath all that worry, you have a huge smile on your face?’
Despite herself,
