voice.
‘Of course he does,’ Jess chipped in. ‘It’s bad luck to see each other before the wedding.’
‘In that case, I will go now.’
* * *
Emma watched Nikolai leave, angry that after all she’d done for the benefit of his mother he’d made no attempt to act the part of loving fiancé in front of Jess. He’d looked angry and irritated by her presence and their thanks, and she worried how that would look to Jess. Especially when she’d made every effort to make it appear they were in love when she’d met his family at their engagement party.
Why had he chosen that precise moment to drop the caring façade he’d hidden behind all week? She’d only just told Jess she loved him and that she was happy to be his wife as well as a mother. Then he’d arrived back at the apartment like an angry lion whose authority had been challenged and made it obvious that the marriage was a deal that was going to unite them and definitely not love.
‘I’m not stupid, Em, I know what’s going on.’ Jess’s voice broke through her thoughts.
Emma whirled round to look at her sister and saw a frown of worry creasing her brow. What did she know? That the pregnancy was a mistake and that she’d abandoned her dreams of love and happiness to do what was right for the baby?
‘Nothing’s going on. Every bride and groom is nervous before the big day.’ She bluffed her way out of the corner Jess was backing her into. But it was too late. Emma’s fragile faith in her love for Nikolai was fading fast. Was she really doing the right thing by her child, marrying a man who didn’t want her around, much less love her?
‘Tell me, Em, please.’ Her sister’s pleas showed wisdom beyond her years, wisdom born out of the hardships they’d faced growing up.
Emma sighed heavily. ‘I can’t marry him, Jess. I can’t marry a man who doesn’t want love in his life. But, more than that, I can’t live each day waiting for him to reject me and his baby.’
Any further attempt at spilling out her sorry story was halted as the dress fitters arrived. Emma let them in, amazed at the quantity of dresses that hung wrapped up on the rail they were quickly setting up. The fact that they were here also made what she was doing seem even more real. She was actually going to marry a man who didn’t want love in his life, who could never give her what she’d always dreamed of finding.
But he can give Jess a chance to be something.
Emma tried to shrug off those thoughts and walked over to stand by the tall windows. She looked but didn’t see the view which usually captivated her so easily as she battled to halt the doubts which were growing by the second. She heard Jess come to stand beside her.
‘What makes you say that?’ Jess asked, shock obvious in her voice.
‘He’s never told me how he feels,’ Emma said quietly, not quite able to add that he’d already told her he didn’t want love, that the deal they’d struck was one which would benefit Jess.
‘I don’t think it’s something men say,’ replied Jess confidently, and Emma turned to look at her, finding it odd that she could even smile at such a remark. ‘What?’
‘Do you actually know what you are saying?’ Emma laughed, trying to lighten things up. She shouldn’t be talking to Jess like this. Not if she wanted to prevent her ever finding out the exact terms of the deal.
‘Of course I do—I watch films, listen to people talk.’ Now Jess laughed, but it was edged with relief. Guilt rushed over Emma. She must have worried Jess for a moment.
Emma pushed all her doubts to the back of her mind. She was doing this for Jess as well as her baby, which meant she couldn’t let on how much she doubted her sanity for accepting the terms of the deal.
‘What colour do you think?’ She strolled over to the rail of bridesmaid dresses and touched a pink one.
‘Blue.’ Jess joined her. ‘You always said blue was your lucky colour.’
‘But I thought you liked pink?’ Emma was touched by her sister’s acknowledgement that it was her day.
‘I do, but I want you to have all the luck in the world, so I want blue.’
As Jess spoke, the dress fitters pulled out several dresses, but a pale-blue strapless gown caught hers and Jess’s attention at the same time. Moments later, Jess was twirling round the apartment. ‘It’s a perfect fit. This has to be the one.’
‘You look gorgeous, Jess. All grown up.’
‘And I am, so you can go off into the sunset with your very own Prince Charming and not worry about me.’ The reproach in Jess’s voice brought a mixture of tears to Emma’s eyes and a soft giggle of happiness.
‘I guess I’d better decide on my dress,’ said Emma. ‘This is so last minute, I can’t possibly find one to fit.’
Cream silks blended with white on the rail and Emma didn’t know which one to look at first. Should she even have a full-length gown? What about cream? Or should it be white?
‘This is the one,’ said Jess as she pulled the skirt of a beautiful white gown towards her and grinned. ‘Try it on.’
Helped by the fitter, Emma tried on the white lace gown with a strapless bodice that matched Jess’s perfectly; it was almost too good to be true. As she was zipped into it, she looked at herself in the mirror and saw, not plain Emma, but a beautiful bride. The dress was simple yet elegant with a small train; she’d never imagined herself in such a dress.
‘It’s all meant to be,’ Jess gushed. ‘First my dress, now this one. You and Nikolai are going to make the perfect couple.’
EMMA WOKE EARLY with a start, the big bed cold and empty, just as it had been since the day Jess had arrived and Nikolai had moved into a hotel. He was stepping back from her as if he too had doubts. Why hadn’t she tried harder to sort things when they’d been at the hospital?
She looked around her. The early-morning sun shined with wicked brightness into her bedroom, seeming to highlight the wedding dress hanging in readiness for that afternoon, when she would step into it and seal the hardest deal of her life.
Could she do it? Could she put on the white gown of lace and become Nikolai’s wife, knowing he would never love her?
She pulled on her jeans and jumper and put on a pair of flat pumps. She couldn’t stay and look at the wedding dress any longer. She had to get away, get out of the apartment and think. The sensation that she was doing the wrong thing had taken over, blocking out everything else.
‘Where are you going?’ Jess asked, quickly taking in her casual clothes as she went into the bedroom.
‘I need to go for a walk. I need to think, Jess. I need to think really hard before I make a terrible mistake.’ Emma looked at the long pale-blue dress she and Jess had selected the day she’d arrived. It hung in readiness, mocking, from the wardrobe door. During those few hours when she’d tried her own dress
