held his gaze. Was it too much to hope that that was what they both wanted out of this? To be really together again?
‘I’m sure we can.’
His nod was satisfied. Rafael touched his fingers to the top of Ella’s head in farewell and then stepped away from the cot. For a heartbeat he looked as if he was going to step towards Abbie’s chair. As if he wanted to kiss her goodnight. But she could see the way he paused just long enough to think about it and then controlled himself. How hard he was trying when he simply smiled and left.
* * *
Fickle spring weather decided to turn on a stunning April day on Saturday.
It felt as though fate was on his side as Rafael waited at the agreed meeting point at the start of the Broad Walk, just beside the zoo. The shriek of overexcited monkeys somewhere was having the opposite effect, however. Almost like maniacal laughter that was taunting him and setting his nerves on edge.
Did he really think that a pleasant walk on a sunny day was going to be enough to win Abbie back?
And what were they going to talk about? Dio...but women loved to talk, didn’t they? To pick things apart and give them far more importance than they deserved to have. Far more power that could be so destructive.
Even a few words could destroy things. And once they were uttered there was no way you could ever take them back.
If you take Ella away to do this then our marriage is over.
Rafael pushed his fingers through his hair. He wished he had never uttered those fateful words. He wished Abbie had just let him take her to bed where he knew he could have put things right. He wished those damned monkeys would just shut up for a minute. Why wasn’t Abbie here yet? Had she changed her mind about this date?
His breath came out in a whoosh of relief as a black cab swooped into the kerb and Abbie climbed out. She was wearing a blue dress he’d never seen before, with no sleeves and a tight bodice and a swirling skirt that reached almost to her ankles above sandal-clad feet. Her hair was loose and shone like a halo in the sunshine and she had a cardigan draped over the arm that held a straw bag and made it look as if she was off to a picnic.
She looked...like the woman he loved. A beautiful, English rose. With that illusion of fragility that was so sexy when you discovered the steely determination and passion that lay beneath.
‘Abbie...salve, cara. You look cosi bella.’
‘Thanks.’
Abbie felt strangely shy. As if this really was a ‘date.’ A time to meet someone who was virtually a stranger to explore what you had in common with them and whether it might be enough to build a future on together. The mix of hope, excitement and physical attraction felt like a flock of butterflies in her stomach. She hadn’t felt like this since...well, since her first date with Rafael.
‘You...look pretty good yourself, Rafe.’
What an understatement. Old, soft, faded jeans and a black T-shirt. That leather jacket that was also so old it was nearly as soft as the jeans. Rafael pushed the sleeves up a little further, which made his look more casual. And definitely sexier. But his expression dismissed the compliment.
‘In these old jeans? I think not.’
Rafael suppressed the urge to take Abbie’s hand but couldn’t identify what it was that held him back. A sense of Abbie being as tense as he was perhaps?
‘Let’s get away from here,’ he said. ‘These monkeys are driving me pazzo.’
Abbie’s laugh sounded a little forced to her own ears but some of the tension evaporated. ‘They are noisy today, aren’t they? Can you still hear them from home sometimes?’
She could remember the first time they’d heard unusual sounds coming from the direction of the zoo. Guessing what could be making the sound had become a game as they’d stood in their garden or taken an evening walk down by the canal. Was that an elephant? Or a lion?
Sometimes Rafael would try and imitate the sound until Abbie laughed so hard he would pretend to take great offence and she’d have to soothe his pride. And that had never been difficult. She only had to tell him how wonderful she thought he was, even if he couldn’t make an elephant noise to save himself. She only had to distract him with a kiss or two.
Happy times.
For a moment, Abbie was sure Rafael was thinking about the same thing. But then a shadow passed over his face and he shrugged.
‘I wouldn’t know. I don’t seem to spend that much time there these days.’ Rafael could see the flash of disappointment in Abbie’s eyes. Had he made it sound like he didn’t want to be in their home any more? ‘Work’s been so busy, you know?’
‘Mmm. Ethan told me how hard you’ve been working while I was away.’
While she’d been away. There it was again. The huge thing that lay between them that Rafael had no idea how to make go away. Was talking about it really going to help?
They weren’t even talking now. Just walking side by side in silence amongst the throng of Londoners out to enjoy a Saturday afternoon in the sunshine. Trees were vibrant with the fresh, new green of leaves just beginning to unfurl for the new season. Ancient trunks had skirts of bluebells and daffodils. There were young mothers pushing prams, a father giving a toddler a ride on his shoulders, small children on bicycles and tricycles, teenagers weaving with dangerous speed through the pedestrians on their skateboards...
‘Mind out!’ Rafael’s arm was around Abbie’s shoulders in a flash, guiding her out of the path of a speeding youth. The feel of the bare skin of her shoulder beneath his hand was a jolt of sensation that arrowed through his entire body. Hastily, he dropped the contact. Abbie didn’t want this, did she?
Oddly, the touch of Rafael’s hand on her bare shoulder had felt less intimate than his automatic instinct to protect her. And it had felt...wonderful. She might have had to stand completely on her own feet for the last few months and become stronger because of it but it didn’t mean that she didn’t want to feel cherished.
Loved.
The speed with which he dropped the contact was disappointing. Abbie bit her lip, trying to think of something to say.
‘Do you think it will be this crowded in the coffee shop?’
‘I expect so.’ Rafael could feel himself scowling. If they couldn’t talk to each other in the relative privacy of being outside, what was it going to be like in the café? Would they sit in silence and sip their lattes amidst the buzz of the conversation of others? With the tension between them steadily increasing?
‘I know.’ Abbie tilted her head, peering past people to see where they were exactly. ‘Let’s get coffee to go from the cart over there and take it to the Secret Garden. That’s always quieter.’
It didn’t take long because they knew the route so well. Off the Inner Circle and through the large circular garden with the statue of Hylas in the pond. You could see the imposing structure of St John’s Lodge from here, reputedly owned by the Sultan of Brunei these days. But they weren’t after an imposing view.
Rafael led the way on a wide grass
