for me.” Her head swam and she leaned back.
“You need attention that can’t be given here. It’s my responsibly to see about you. You should be in a hospital in the US and checked out completely. Your body has been through a major ordeal. You need to be seen by a cardiologist.”
“I don’t need you to see about me. I’m a grown woman who can make her own decisions.”
“Yeah, and see where that got you.” He moved across the room again.
“It could have been you instead of me who was bitten.”
He gave her a pointed look. “But it wasn’t.”
“What about you? Are you coming? You went through the same ordeal.”
“The doctor here checked me out.”
“But I’m feeling better.” She was weak but she wouldn’t admit how much.
“You’ve been out of your head for most of two days. You need to go home and get healthy.”
“When will I see you again?” Ellen reached out a hand. She saw the hesitation in his face before he walked over and took it. His hand was large, warm and safe. She never wanted to let it go.
“I don’t know for sure.”
“You’re running now. Just like you did when you came down here.”
“What’re you talking about? I’m not running anywhere.”
“You’re running away from me. You can’t hide here forever, you know. One day you’re going to have to face the fact that you have to take a gamble on someone again. We aren’t all like your mother and your ex-wife. Some of us can be loyal.”
He pulled his hand away. “This is not the time or the place to be having this conversation. You don’t need to get upset.”
Ellen wanted to snatch his hand back but he’d crammed both in his pockets. She didn’t care about anything but him. This was her heart on the line. “Okay, if we don’t talk about it now, then when?”
He looked toward the wall instead of at her. “I don’t know.”
“See, there it is. You’re shutting me out.”
Chance’s look met hers. He growled, “I’m not! I’m thinking about your safety. You could have been killed out there.”
“I’m a big girl. I make my own decisions. Can take what comes my way.”
“And down here those decisions can get people killed. Get you hurt.”
“What’re you trying to say?”
“That in your fight for freedom you can be reckless. Can get people hurt. Get yourself hurt. Sometimes you need to think before you act. You go all in, heart leading. No wonder your father feels the need to shelter you.”
If she didn’t feel so awful she’d climb out of the bed and stomp her foot. “That’s not fair.”
Two men that looked like orderlies entered with a squeaking gurney. She and Chance said no more as the men settled her on it. They wheeled her from the room and down the hall. Chance walked at her feet.
As they lifted her into the ambulance Chance said, “It’s for your own good.”
Her gaze remained locked with his as the attendants pushed the doors together. “I don’t need you to protect me, I need you to love me.”
The doors clicked closed. Ellen held a sob threatening to escape.
The nurse that was riding with her patted her shoulder. “The doctor must care a great deal to sit by your bed for two days and nights.”
If only he would admit it.
CHANCE HAD BEEN miserable before. But never on this level. He missed Ellen with a vengeance. Everything that happened at the clinic reminded him of her. Each child they saw he imagined Ellen teasing a smile out of him or her. Anytime an unusual case came in he wanted to discuss it with her.
The nights were the worst. He wanted Ellen in his arms. All he had to do was look at his hammock on his porch and think of those moments they had spent there. Taking a shower became something to dread instead of something to look forward to at the end of a long hot day. It reminded him too much of standing in the falls with Ellen.
How had she managed to fill all the cracks in his life to the point he almost needed her to breathe?
His staff had taken to not asking him anything unless it was medically related. He’d given the bare minimum of information about Ellen’s and his time on the run. But beyond that he didn’t want to talk about the fear, guilt and relief he’d suffered through over the three days they had been in the jungle and, worse, those when she had been so sick. He certainly didn’t want to discuss those intense life-changing moments when he and Ellen had made love.
Love. That had been such an elusive emotion in his life he would have sworn he had no idea what it was. Then in had waltzed Dr. Ellen Cox. Bright smile, infallible attitude, and fortitude that could withstand the worst situation. And it had. He needed someone in his life like that, but did she need someone in hers like him?
A guy who felt he had nothing to offer her. One who chose to work in a developing country. A dangerous one. With Ellen’s background, would she really be content to live and work here with him? She had seemed to love it when she was here as much as he did. Would she feel the same way after she fully recovered?
Anticipation and insecurity hit him at the same time. He’d given up on having a wife, really caring for someone, long ago. But Ellen had him thinking Can I? again.
She deserved someone who could sustain an ongoing relationship. He’d not ever managed to do so. Was it possible for him? History said no. Could he learn? The real question was that if he wanted Ellen, was he willing to try?
She’d been disappointed in him when she’d found out he had a sister that he didn’t stay in contact with. Maybe he should start there. Would Abigail be interested in seeing him? Could they be a family after all these years? Did they even have anything in common outside being from the same dysfunctional family? Every fiber in his being said Ellen would be pleased to know he’d tried. That alone was enough reason to make an effort. But something deep inside him was screaming for him to do it for himself as well. See if he could handle a relationship.
Ellen wiped her cheek and declared she’d shed her last tear over Chance Freeman. She’d not heard anything from him in the six weeks since she had been home. Not a word.
She was cycling though the steps of grief and she was firmly on anger. As far as she was concerned, she could stay on that emotion for a long time. If she saw him now it might be dangerous for him.
Michael
