Carla hurried off, returning with a warm fuzzy pink blanket.
She opened the isolette and competently lifted Gretchen with one hand, taking care not to disturb the wires connecting the patches to the infant’s chest or the tiny IV as she slid the warm blanket underneath with the other hand. After tucking her cozily inside, she gently lifted Gretchen out and set the bundle in the crook of Alyssa’s arm. “Here you go.”
“Oh, she’s so adorable.” And tiny, especially being the smaller of the two. She clutched the baby protectively to her chest, infused with a wave of love. She’d do anything for her children. Anything.
Gretchen moved her head toward her breast in a rooting movement, her tiny mouth making sucking motions. Alyssa drew a quick breath of excitement and glanced at Carla. “Look, do you think she’ll be able to nurse?”
“It’s possible,” Carla agreed with a smile. “Your milk hasn’t come in, but the colostrum they’ll receive is even more healthy than milk. And worth a try, don’t you think?”
“Yes.” She was a little uncertain how to go about the whole process but Carla was great, helping her with techniques to encourage Gretchen to latch on. The baby only suckled for a few minutes before stopping.
“Don’t worry, preemie babies do tire easily. Once your milk comes in more fully, we’ll give intermittent feedings of your breast milk as often as the babies need it.”
“But what if they’re not strong enough to drink as much as they need?” Alyssa asked.
“We’ll give feedings through a nasogastric tube.”
A nasogastric tube didn’t sound good, but she tried not to show her discouragement. Carla tucked Gretchen back in her isolette and then drew Grace out for her turn. Gracie latched on to her nipple a little quicker than Gretchen, but also seemed to get tired quickly. Alyssa wasn’t sure either of the babies got any nourishment at all from the attempt.
“How am I going to keep up with breast-feeding both of them?” she asked, after she’d finished with Grace. The responsibility was daunting and she suddenly doubted her ability to be a good mother to the twins. “At this rate, they might need to be fed every hour.”
Carla put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. “Nursing is a wonderful experience, but the nutritional value of your breast milk is what’s most important for these little ones. Even if they can’t nurse for lengthy periods, they can get the nourishment they need if you pump your breasts and freeze your milk. We can feed them through a nasogastric tube if need be and then through a bottle. At least with bottle feedings, Dad can be more involved, too.”
Jadon. The image of his strong, large hands holding and feeding their daughters filled her with a mixture of longing and trepidation. Would he stick around for the long term? Or would he get tired of the responsibility of having a family and leave, like her father had?
At least now he could stop being so protective of her. Although she suspected he’d shower the babies with his concern instead.
“Was Jadon here?” she asked Carla.
“Yes, he spent a lot of time with the girls. He asked Dr. Downer, the neonatologist, lots of questions. I think he left about an hour ago, maybe a little more.”
An hour ago? He hadn’t been in her room when she’d woken up.
Her stomach clenched with anxiety. So where was he?
SO THIS was it. The beginning of the end. Jadon was gone. Alyssa walked back to her room, trying not to feel overwhelmed by the concept of raising the girls all by herself.
When she crossed the threshold, she stopped, startled to see a huge bouquet of more than a dozen pink roses in a vase on her bedside table. There were also two pink “It’s A Girl” balloons tied to the side-rail of her bed.
She read the small card tucked between the roses, feeling ashamed for doubting him when she realized the flowers and balloons were gifts from Jadon.
“Arranged some extra time off work, then ran home to get your suitcase. Be back soon, Jadon.”
He hadn’t left unexpectedly, other than to talk to his boss about having time off and to buy flowers and balloons. Ashamed, she realized she’d jumped to conclusions. He hadn’t left her. He wasn’t like her father. They must have just missed each other.
She counted eighteen blooms, stroking the velvetsoft petals with the tip of her index finger. Another first. Not quite as monumental as giving birth to twins, but she’d never received pink roses before. Or any other color roses. Not from Jadon or from anyone else.
He’d been so sweet and so supportive during the few hours she’d spent in labor, and afterward when they’d both been given the chance to hold their newly born daughters. She found it difficult to reconcile this new Jadon with the emotionally distant man who’d made love to her and then left without saying a word.
Let it go, she told herself. There’s no reason to keep dwelling on the past. Jadon was here now, had gone as far as to ask her to move in with him. Maybe there was still some hope for them. Maybe he’d learn to show his feelings. Maybe she could trust him with her heart.
She was glad he’d gone to get her things.
Because she wouldn’t mind wearing something other than the shapeless hospital gown to help her look a bit more attractive.
Jadon returned right after she finished with her dinner tray. “Do you want me to call the nurse to bring another tray for you?” she offered.
“No, thanks, I’m fine. I grabbed something quick right after I left.” He set her small suitcase on the floor beside her bed.
“Thanks for the roses and the balloons,” she said. “They were a nice surprise when I returned to my room after seeing Grace and Gretchen.”
“You’re welcome.” He pulled up a chair beside her bed. “I spoke to Louis Downer, the neonatologist assigned to Grace and Gretch, and he really feels like the girls are doing amazingly well for being seven weeks early.”
“I’m glad. Although I did try breast-feeding earlier and neither of the girls suckled for very long.” She blushed when she noticed Jadon’s gaze dropped to her breasts. Was he imagining how large and full her breasts were now? “The nurse told me the girls might need tube feedings.”
Jadon nodded. “Yes, Louis mentioned that possibility to me as well. But tube feedings aren’t the worst thing in the world. As long as they get nourishment and continue to grow, that’s what really matters. Do you plan to, ah, continue nursing?”
She knew he was dancing around the issue of asking if she planned to pump her breasts to provide breast milk if the girls couldn’t nurse on their own. “Yes, because at this point they need every possible advantage they can get.”
“Very true.” Jadon looked relieved at the news. “Louis warned me that both girls will likely need
